Mario Mario and the Hylian Stone
by gamer4
Summary: When young, abused Mario Mario discovers that he's a smasher, he goes to be educated at Super Smash Bros. School. First installment in the Mario Mario series. Based off Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Complete!
1. The Plumber who Lived

Gamer4 in. Well, in case you couldn't tell from the description, this is a retelling of Harry Potter from the world of the Smash Bros. To tell the truth, I'm doing this basically on a random whim. I just woke up the other morning and thought it would be a good idea. Anyways, the only other thing I think is at all important is that I will be using scenes from both the movie and the book for this. Okay, that's it. Moving on.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own either Harry Potter or Super Smash Bros.

Mario Mario and the Hylian Stone

Chapter I

The Plumber who Lived

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of Number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. However, this story has nothing whatsoever to do with them. This story is concerned, not with them, but with the Smiths, who lived in a house in Peach Creek. Peach Creek was a quiet town, and exactly why it was called Peach Creek was a mystery to its residents, considering that there wasn't a creek anywhere near the place. At any rate, it was one of those towns where all the houses are the same. By this, we don't mean that they were all _similar. _We mean that they were all built in _exactly the same way. _If you'd seen one Peach Creek house, you'd seen them all, a fact that even its most proud residents admitted. It was the last place you'd expect anything even remotely weird, strange, or mysterious to happen.

But back to the Smiths. Mr. Smith had brown hair, and a large, same-colored moustache. He was relatively tall, about the average weight for a man of his age, and worked in an insurance company. The name of the company isn't any more important than the name of the company Mr. Dursley worked at (Grunnings), so it won't be mentioned here. His wife, Mrs. Smith, had red hair and was, as you'd think, clean-shaven. She was the kind of person who was often to be found spying on next-door neighbors. They also had a small son, (though exactly how small he was was open to interpretation, putting it mildly,) and firmly believed that Jesus himself couldn't have possibly made a better son.

At the end of the day, the Smiths had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and the fear that it would be discovered one day.

They didn't think they would be able to stand it if anyone found out about the Marios. Sarah Mario was Mrs. Smith's sister, but they never talked about her. She and Jake, her good-for-nothing husband, were unSmithlike as it was possible to be while still alive. The two were aware that Sarah and Jake had a small son, too (Apparently named under the influence of 50-year old wine) but this just made the Smiths all the more eager to keep them away: they didn't like the idea of their son, John, mixing with a child who had the same first and last name.

Mr. Smith was just climbing into bed. He was rattled by the strange things that had happened that day, including a cat outside the door, which he had caught reading things twice, with the read object vanishing the first time, news reports about everything from screaming mailmen to moving mushrooms to people who claimed they'd seen clouds with faces, and strange people on the streets using the name Mario a lot. One of these people had collided with him on the street earlier, but far from being off put, he'd hugged him around the waist, claiming that "You-Know-Who" was gone at last, referred to him as a muggle, and walked off without another word.

His last, comforting thought was that whatever was going on, he was safe in Peach Creek. Whatever it was, it couldn't affect him or his family.

If only he knew about the dangers of tempting fate.

XXXX

As he fell asleep, the cat outside wasn't moving at all. One time, a mouse ran right in front of it, and it didn't pay any attention. A car backfired in another part of the community. The cat stayed still. A carjacker drove by, shooting at the police behind him with a machine gun, while they fired back. The cat sat and didn't even move its eyes. A semi truck shot by with two people having a karate match on the top, one dressed in leather, the other in a suit and sunglasses. The cat still refused to even blink. It kept staring across the street at the forest that covered the edge of Peach Creek, where the Smiths lived.

Suddenly, in front of the trees, there appeared... a hand. It was a normal right hand, except for two minor details: one, it was more than ten times the size of a normal hand, and two, it wasn't attached to a body. It was wearing a white glove. The thing had a name: the Master Hand.

The Master Hand wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. He seemed to be concentrating. For a second, there was a flash of bright light. When it died down, the hand had been replaced by a regular man dressed relatively normally, with a white glove on his right hand. Casually, he glanced across the road. As he walked across, he took out what seemed to be a cigarette lighter. He clicked it once. All the lights in the immediate area went out. He did this without stopping his crossing of the street. At this point, the only lights were the eyes of the cat, who had been watching him since he had appeared.

The Master Hand suddenly noticed the cat sitting there. Laughing quietly, he muttered, "I should have known." He sat down next to the cat. He reached out and touched its head, and from the point it touched, a blue light flashed. When it died, there was a woman there instead. "I didn't think I'd meet you here, Samus."

"How did you know it was me?" Samus asked.

"Well, I know the Crazy Hand's work when I see it. I assume he was the one who did it for you?"

"Yes. He was supposed to do it so I could change back. I've said it before: he's a little to random for his own good."

"Well, he got part of it right: I think you can do it voluntarily now."

"Wonderful," Samus said, not really caring. She leaned back. "I've been waiting for you all day."

"All day?" the Master Hand asked. "When you could have been celebrating? Well, I'm touched, but seriously, I must have passed at least fifty parties, just on my way here."

"Oh, people are celebrating all right," Samus said darkly. "I heard all about it on the muggle's news. They've noticed, you know. Even the toads didn't get past them unnoticed."

"Well, we've all got a right to be happy," Master Hand said, reaching into his pocket again. "Red Vine?"

"What?" Samus asked, bewildered.

"Do you want a Red Vine?" Master Hand asked, taking one from the package he'd just taken from his pocket and starting on it. "It's a candy of these muggles that I've grown fond of."

"Wonderful," Samus said drily. Apparently, she didn't think this was the right time for Red Vines. "Anyways, as I was about to say, even if You-Know-Who has gone-"

"Even you, Samus?" Master Hand asked. "I would have thought that you, at least, could call him by his rightful name. Things just get confusing if we just keep calling him You-Know-Who. I've never seen a reason to be scared of saying the name."

"Of course you haven't," Samus said. "But that's a different thing entirely. Everyone knows you're the only one that You-Know- oh, alright, _Tabuu,_ was frightened of."

"As nice as that sounds, I must confess that Tabuu has powers I will never have."

"Oh, you have them, all right, but you're just too much of a good guy to use them."

"I'm glad it's dark. I haven't blushed so badly since Daisy said she liked my new watch."

Samus rolled her eyes at the Master Hand telling her this, and continued. "Anyways, what made it on their news is nothing next to the rumors those toads and mailpeople are carrying around. You know what everyone's saying about what finally stopped him?"

Master Hand didn't answer: he was in the middle of getting another Red Vine. Samus pressed on. "They're saying that last night, Tabuu turned up in Silver Creek. The rumor says that they're... _dead." _

Master Hand quietly nodded. Samus gasped. "I can't believe it," she said, leaning towards the Master Hand. "Sarah and Jake... I didn't want to believe it..."

"I know," Master Hand said heavily, temporarily abandoning his Red Vines and patting her on the shoulder. As anyone who knew Samus would agree, it wasn't easy to make her cry.

"There's more," she said, getting control of herself. "They say that when he killed them, he tried to kill their child, Mario. But he couldn't do it. And when he failed, his power broke somehow, and that's why he's gone."

Again, Master Hand nodded. Samus gasped again. Gasping was also high on the list of things that was hard to get her to do. "It's true?" she asked, looking dumbfounded. "After all he's done, all those people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? How did Mario survive?"

"We can only guess," Master Hand conceded. "We might never find out."

The two sat in silence for a bit. As they did, Master Hand took a watch out from his other pocket. It was a strange watch. It had twelve hands and stars and planet where the numbers would usually be. It apparently made sense to the former hand, though, since he put it back and said, "Crazy's late. He was the one who told you I'd be here, right?"

"Yes," Samus admitted. "I don't suppose you want to tell me _why _you're here, do you?"

"I came here to deliver Mario to his aunt and uncle. They're his only family now."

"You don't mean the people who live here, do you?" Samus cried, jumping to her feet. "You can't, Master Hand. I was watching them all day, you couldn't find anyone less like us. And their son- one year old, he was kicking his mother, screaming for sweets! The mother was proud when he learned a word that can't be put in this fiction! Mario Mario come and live here!"

"It's the best place for him," Master Hand said solemnly. "They will be able to explain everything to him when he's old enough to understand. I've written them a letter."

"A letter?" Samus asked, sounding astonished again. "You really think you can explain all this in a letter? They will never- _never_- understand him. He'll be famous- a legend- there will be books written about him, every child in our world will know his name! I wouldn't be surprised if they made a Mario Mario _video game!"_

"Exactly," Master Hand said, sounding serious. "It would be enough to make him think like that child. Famous before he could walk, talk, or jump! He won't even remember it! He's much better growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it."

Samus, though she still looked bewildered, said, "Well, I can't deny that. But how's he getting here?" she asked.

"Crazy's bringing him," Master Hand said simply.

"Did you think it wise to trust Crazy with something as important as this?"

"I would trust the Crazy Hand with my life," Master Hand said, referring to his half-brother, an insane left hand inside a glove, much like himself.

"I'm not saying that he's evil," Samus said. "But he is- well, crazy."

Whatever she was going to say next, she was suddenly cut off by a rumbling sound. For a second, they looked at the road, expecting to see a car coming. As it grew louder, they realized it was coming from the air. They looked up and saw a gigantic motorcycle coming out of the sky. It fell from the air and landed on the road in front of them.

The man driving it was strange, too. He looked and dressed exactly like the Master Hand, aside from having the glove on his left hand instead of his right. On his face was an insane yet kind expression. He jumped down and walked towards the two. In his arms, he was carrying a bundle of blankets.

"Ah, Crazy," Master Hand said, sounding relieved. "Finally. Where did you get that motorcycle?"

"Oh, I borrow it from Roy!" the man said, arriving at the two. "I got him, brudda!"

"Just thinking out loud here," Samus said, "but wouldn't it have been quicker to travel in your real form?"

"Yeah, but ten I no get to use dis baby," Crazy pointed out, nodding at the motorcycle.

"Were there any problems?" Master Hand asked.

"No. House got blown up, but I get him out before muggles start swarming. He fall asleep as we fly."

Master Hand and Samus looked at the baby. Under a tuft of raven-colored hair was a strange cut, like a red M.

"Is that where-?" Samus asked.

"Yes," Master Hand said. "He'll have it forever." For a second, they were all silent. Finally, Master Hand spoke again. "Well, let's not draw this out. Give him here, Crazy." Crazy obliged, and promptly turned himself into his true form: a gigantic, disembodied left hand inside a glove. They all turned towards the Smiths' house.

"I say good-bye to him one last time?" Crazy asked. He turned towards Mario, turning human again as he did so, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

The Master Hand took Mario and walked to the front door of the Smith household. He lay down Mario with the letter tucked in his blankets before returning to the two watchers. They stayed for a full minute; Crazy (back in his real form) was shaking, Samus was blinking furiously, and the Master Hand (still in human form) was simply still. Finally, Master Hand spoke. "Well, that's that. We might as well join the celebrations."

"Iz gots to take Roy his bike back," Crazy said, turning back into a human and climbing on the motorcycle. He kicked it to life and roared away on it.

"I'll see you soon, Samus," Master Hand said, reaching into his pocket and taking out his cigarette lighter. He clicked it and the lights all came back to life. He turned to see Samus turning into a cat, confirming his suspicion, and stalking off. He walked back to the edge of the forest. Turning back into a hand, his true form, he glanced back at the front door of the Smiths' house. "Good luck, Mario Mario," he said, and with a twitch of his finger, he was gone.

Mario, still asleep, turned over. He wasn't aware of all that he was destined to do. He wasn't aware that he was special, or famous, or that he would spend the next few weeks being jabbed and poked by his cousin. He wasn't aware of the countless people all over the country, raising their glasses and saying, "To Mario Mario, the boy who lived!"

So, what do you guys think? Can I pull this off? Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad, Gamer4 out.


	2. The Vanishing Fence

Gamer4 in. Well, I was definitely pleasantly surprised by the reaction to the first chapter. Thanks to those of you who are supporting it already. From your reviews, I can tell that you also noticed that I used maybe one too many story elements from Harry Potter. Of course, I can see your point, considering that if you wanted to read a story that was basically 100% the same except for names, you could just read the same story and replace the names yourself. Since we here at the Writing Gamers association (comprising of me and my cat) believe that you, the readers, deserve the best story, we are currently considering changes that may or may not come up, depending on whether or not we do a sequel. Anyways, we've dragged this out a little too long, so on to the second chapter of _Mario Mario and the Hylian Stone._

Disclaimer: I own all the Harry Potter books, and a copy of both the original Smash Bros. game and Brawl, but I don't own anything else. (I used to own Melee, but it stopped working for some reason.)

Chapter II

The Vanishing Fence

Ten years. Ten whole years. It had been ten long years since that fateful day, when Mario Mario had been left at his aunt and uncle's house at Peach Creek. Neither Peach Creek nor any of the houses had changed much. Peach Creek itself was still called Peach Creek, even though (and this still bothered some of its residents) there still wasn't a creek of any description anywhere near it.

It hadn't changed much in the Smith's household either. The sun was currently rising on the same front door, the same steps, the same driveway, the same- well, you get the idea. The inside hadn't changed much, either. The pictures were the only thing that showed how much time had truly passed. Ten years ago, the pictures had been a wimpy standard-def 10"x10". Nowadays, it was a strong Blu-ray 2'x2' that took up an entire side of the upper floor.

The pictures on the walls had changed a fair amount, too. They used to be stupid pieces of paper that didn't change at all, showing the same picture of a yoga ball wearing clothes. But nowadays, the pictures were in an electronic frame that shifted every couple seconds and had to be shut off before someone in the same room went to sleep, and showed things ranging from Bill's 7th birthday, to Bill jumping on a trampoline (he had to get off, panting, right after getting on so the picture could be taken) and riding a bike that he had sold the next day in exchange for a cell phone that was an exact duplicate of the one he already had, right down to the number, whose exact function was, most likely, a mystery even to himself.

The pictures gave no sign of the second child that lived in the house.

Yet Mario Mario was there, currently asleep in the house's attic, which covered the area over the kitchen, sharing his sleeping space with the various pipes and wires and various things that you would expect to find in an attic. He was asleep, but not for long.

The first noise in the house that day was made by Aunt Kate. She said, standing right under the trapdoor leading to the attic, "GET UP, MARIO!" leaving any listeners to wonder whether she was using his first or last name, given that they were the same, a point of irritation with his relatives. "UP! NOW!"

Mario jerked his eyes open just in time to hear Kate shout again. "UP!" she cried. Finally, she seemed to decide that Mario might have caught the subtle hint and headed downstairs. Mario stood up and started putting his clothes on, while still trying to remember the dream he'd had, involving a giant hand spazzing out on a flying motorcycle. Aside from the feeling that he'd had the dream before, it had been a good one.

Suddenly, he heard Kate start shouting again. "ARE YOU UP YET?"

"Yep," he muttered, putting on his shoes. He had a strange obligation to wear shoes at all times that he wasn't asleep, or swimming, or something like that. Given that he spent virtually all of his time either in his house or at school, he was usually wearing them. He had always done this, for reasons that were no more known to him than to anyone else.

"Well, hurry up!" Kate shouted again, though she was getting a little quieter now that he was awake. "I want you to make breakfast, and don't ruin it! I want everything to be perfect on Bill's birthday!" With this, she went back downstairs.

Mario inwardly groaned. Of course. It was Bill's birthday. How wonderful. Bill's birthday always essentially meant the same thing to Mario: he got to make breakfast, and would normally be in trouble if he messed it up, and then go over to the house of their neighbor, Mr. Jenkins, a crazy old man who, while he was harmless, was frequently going on long rants about this and that that usually ended with him calling out his full name.

Mario climbed down the ladder into the hall, and headed into the kitchen, a very difficult task, when he had to negotiate his way through Bill's presents. A couple of them were so obvious that Mario wondered vaguely why the sender had bothered wrapping it up to begin with. Prominent among these was one of those small trampolines that you could fit in a living room. Exactly why Bill would want one of these was a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes himself, given that the last time Bill had had a trampoline of any description, they had gotten rid of it shortly afterwards. Bill hated exercise of any description, including such demanding tasks such as walking between the fridge and the television. The only exercise that he enjoyed of any description was punching people. He enjoyed this most when it was Mario, for whatever reason, though Mario was pretty good at evading him.

The thing that was strangest about Mario's appearance was the strangely shaped scar on his forehead, shaped like an M. He had once asked Kate and John how he'd gotten it. They had told him that he had gotten it when his house had burned down, at the same time that his parents, Sarah and Jake, had died. Mario did remember a fire, though another image that crept into his mind was- strange a picture as it was- the image of a man with the wings of a butterfly. He had no idea where this idea had come from. Maybe they'd just come back from the circus or something, though he'd never heard of a circus act involving a butterfly-winged man.

Breakfast was always the same on Bill's birthday: eggs and bacon and sausage, most of which was consumed by Bill himself, though this wasn't actually much of a change from the usual, if truth be told.

Mario was done cooking by the time Bill himself came into the room, looking as he ever did: same brown hair, same colored eyes, and enough flesh to feed the Jurassic Park residents for several months.

As Mario put down the breakfast on the table (still with a certain amount of difficulty) Bill was counting his presents. "Fifty-five," he said. "Five less then last year."

"Ow!" Mario gasped, having just hit his toe on another one of his cousin's presents. He picked it up and tossed it to him: it looked like a video game. "Did you count this one?"

"Fifty-six then," Bill said, obviously starting to get angry. Mario sat down and started eating his breakfast as fast as possible, sensing imminent danger.

It seemed that Kate could sense it too. "Well, when we go out later, we'll get you five more presents. That all right?" She made it sound like he was a god that she had to please.

Bill looked like a kindergartner confronted with calculus. "So, then I'll have... um-"

"Sixty-one?" Mario suggested.

Kate looked at him angrily, but Bill just said, "Oh. Alright, then," before sitting down and beginning the opening of his presents.

John allowed a chuckle. "Well, I can see we've got a natural business man here," he said. "He wants his money's worth."

At this moment, the telephone rang, and Kate went to answer it. By the time she got back, Bill had opened a brand-new plasma-screen, despite already having one in the living room, twenty new video games, a watch made of gold and set with jewels, and the trampoline. "Bad news, John," she said. "Jenkins is in the hospital today, he can't take him." She shot a nasty look at Mario as she said this. _Yeah, _Mario thought, _I arranged for him to be in the hospital today. _But at the same time, his heart had leapt at the news. He knew he should feel sorry for the old man, but at least he wouldn't have to hear one of those rants this year. "What now?" Kate said.

"We could call Megan up," John suggested.

"Don't be silly, she hates him more than we do."

Mario was used to this kind of stuff by now. They often talked like he was a cockroach or something else that couldn't understand him. "You could leave me here," he said, thinking that he might be able to do what he wanted for a change. But they naturally weren't listening.

"Well, we could take him to the zoo but leave him in the car," Kate mused.

"Our brand-new car?" John asked, looking at her like she was crazy. (No, not the hand.)

It was about this point that Bill started fake-crying. Mario had long since come to the conclusion that Bill wasn't capable of actual tears, but Kate and John were suckers for his will under normal circumstances, and if he ever fake-cried, it didn't matter how obvious it was, he would get what he wanted right away.

"Oh, don't cry!" Kate said, once again falling for it, though the calculus-confronted kindergartners probably could have figured it out, "Mommy won't let him ruin your special day!"

Whatever would have happened next was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. In walked Giligan Carter, a boy who had a face like a rat but somehow less good-looking. Bill quickly stopped his fake-crying.

A little bit later, Mario was sitting in the back of the Smith's car on the way to the zoo, almost unable to believe his good luck. It was even fine that he had to be with Bill and his rat-faced friend. The Smiths had been incapable of thinking of anything else to do with him, and so were bringing him with them. However, Uncle John had pulled Mario over just before he got in. "I'm warning you now," he'd said, "any funny business and you will be in the attic from now until Halloween."

Mario should have expected a talking-to like this. Strange things often happened around him, though he never had any memory of making them happen. One occasion that stuck out in his mind was an occasion at school. Bill and his gang had been chasing him, as per usual, when he had jumped, in an attempt to get over a nearby fence. He had wound up on the school roof somehow, and had been shut in the attic for a month as punishment. He had no idea how it had happened. He had jumped, yes, but somehow- he'd never told this part to anyone- he had felt like there was a surface under him, and had unconsciously jumped again. He had no idea how this had happened.

But nothing was going to go wrong today. He was determined of that.

XXXX

It was good day to go to the zoo, and as such, it was very crowded. Bill and Giligan were bought triple-scoop ice cream cones, and because Mario had been asked what he wanted before they'd hurried them along, the Smiths had bought him one of those ice cream tubes where you push it up out of the tube to eat more.

It was the best morning he'd had in a while. They went through the aquarium and reptile house without incident, though Mario had been interested in the exhibits there. They ate at the zoo's restaurant, and when Bill complained that his triple ice cream scoop quadruple gigantic brownie chocolate syrup volcano didn't have enough chocolate syrup (Mario had to wonder vaguely what would qualify, there had been enough syrup to make a few gallons of chocolate milk) he was bought another and Mario was given the first.

Naturally, however, this was one of those situations where it was too good to last.

The day continued passing without incident until the group came to the wolf exhibit. There was a gray wolf out, sleeping on the other side of a fence. Bill, already annoyed by the lack of movement from a boa constrictor in the reptile house, turned to Uncle John. "Make it move," he commanded.

John leaned towards the wolf. "Move!" he shouted at it. The wolf didn't even twitch. "MOVE!" John tried again. The wolf turned over, but then snoozed on.

"This is boring," Bill sighed, turning towards the fox exhibit on the other side of the mini-street they were standing on. Mario leaned against the fence separating the wolf from the road. All things considered, it was possible the wolf had died of boredom itself.

Suddenly, the wolf opened its eyes, rolled onto its feet, and stood. It turned to look at Mario, and walked up to the fence. What happened next startled Mario enough to make him take a couple steps back.

_It winked._

Mario turned to make sure no one was watching. He looked back. The wolf had moved closer, until it was just under the fence. Mario winked back. The wolf waved its tail in the Smith's direction, and rolled his eyes. Mario could tell what it was thinking. "I know," he said. "It must suck, huh?" The wolf nodded.

Suddenly, they both heard a shout that made them jump. "HEY! LOOK AT THE WOLF, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!" That was Carter. Bill came over as fast as he could, and shoved Mario out of the way with enough force to send him onto the path.

Whatever happened next was so fast that no one watching could see how it happened. All anyone knew was that a second after they went up to the wolf, they both jumped back, with shouts of shock. The fence was gone. The wolf, not wasting any time, bounded out of the enclosure. Everyone who saw panicked and ran for it. The wolf spared one look at Mario, and Mario could swear that he heard it say, "Thanks, dog," before it bounded off away from the place, presumably running from the zoo.

Bill and Carter were gibbering all the way back to Peach Creek. There must have been a moment when Mario blacked out or something, because they were describing things he definitely didn't remember seeing. Bill claimed that the wolf had tried to take his legs off, and Carter was telling them how it had jumped him and attempted to tear at his face. The only thing that they said that was true was also the most unfortunate for Mario. Finally, they seemed to calm down a little, and Carter said, "Mario was talking to it, weren't you?"

When Carter left and the Smiths and Mario got back into their house, John was incoherent with rage. "Go- attic- stay- now!" Mario wasted no time: John looked ready to explode.

XXXX

It was much later, at night, that Mario lay in the attic, unable to tell even the vaguest time, considering there were no windows there.

Ten years. Ten long years now he had lived with the Smiths, ever since his parents had died in that fire. Whenever he tried to remember it, he always came up with that butterfly-man image. He didn't know where it came from. Never had he seen a man with anything that could be even remotely described as butterfly wings. The only thing he could remember aside from that was that there was fire there. He couldn't even remember what the man looked like, only that he had those wings, and he often thought that that couldn't be a real memory: people didn't have wings like that. He definitely didn't remember his own parents. The Smiths had nothing that remembered them around the house.

There had been times, when he was out and about, that he had hoped that some of the people on the streets knew him, in some way. He had once been on a bus when a short woman with pink hair (probably dyed) had smiled at him. A short man with a large nose had once shaken his hand in the street. The strange thing was that they always seemed to vanish when he tried to get a good look at them.

At school, there was no one for him. Bill's gang hated Mario, and no one ever disagreed with Bill's gang.

And that's all for now. Again, thanks to those of you who've reviewed, or those of you who haven't reviewed, but are still supporting this story somehow. Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine (more like welcomed with open arms: it can make the story better,) flames are bad, Gamer4 out.


	3. The Letters from SomewhereorOther

GAMER4 IN. SORRY ABOUT THIS, THE CAPS KEY IS MALFUNCTION- OH- okay, I got it. Anyways, thanks again to those of you who have continued to support this story. Let's continue it now.

Disclaimer: Ugh. I'm not going to keep saying it, you know!

Chapter III

The Letters from Somewhere-or-Other

Mario was shut up in the attic for so long that he had almost forgotten about daylight by the time he was let out, and possibly would have if it weren't for school. School itself had ended by then, and Bill had predictably put a hole through his trampoline on the first time out, ran over Mr. Jenkins's dog with his toy tank, and put his foot through the plasma screen t.v. when a power outage blacked it out during a reveal on one of his shows.

Mario was fine with school being over, and the chance to relax a bit, but all of Bill's cronies were coming over to the house almost every day, which meant that Mario would sneak out the backdoor while they were distracted by various things, some of them invented by Mario on the fly, and taking a walk around Peach Creek, playing The Most Dangerous Game with them, a game that he almost always won now. He had discovered a talent for jumping on one of these walks, though he wasn't any closer to discovering how he'd pulled off that double jump.

Another thing that made Mario a little glad was that he'd finally graduated from the elementary school he and Bill went to together. Come next year, they'd be off to different schools altogether. Bill would be going to an old private school of Uncle John's, while Mario was going to the local Junior High, Frontier.

Mario, unfortunately for him, wound up in Mr. Jenkins's house again sooner than he'd expected, when Bill was out buying his uniform. However, it wasn't as bad as he'd expected this time: Mr. Jenkins had apparently given himself a heart attack reenacting a particularly dramatic part of his part in a war that he probably hadn't actually been part of. Having been told to take it easy for a few months, he was a little more easy-going than usual. He gave Mario some chocolate cake (albeit stuff that it was possible he'd had since World War I) and left him to himself, so Mario was allowed to watch t.v., go on the computer and read this story, that kind of stuff. The only burst of randomness was when he'd run into the room Mario was in, shouting, "Let's take 'em out, boys! LEROY... JENKINS!" exhibiting his usual tendency.

Bill's uniform was so grown up and handsome looking that even the hardest person was forced to laugh until they physically couldn't anymore. The uniform consisted of a blue jacket made of some unidentifiable cloth, a shirt that looked like it had been taken from Steve from Blue's Clues, and shorts made of whatever the shirt was made of that were so baggy that Mario couldn't imagine anyone who didn't go to that school even considering wearing them, no matter how in-style they were. For reasons best known to the school, they also carried nerf guns and Styrofoam swords that were used to beat each other up with while the teacher wasn't looking, and so each student could be declared dead or alive at the end of the day. What the purpose of this was, aside from making the students more ridiculous-looking then they undoubtably already were, was unknown. Mario had had to leave the room at that point and not come back for several hours while he laughed it off.

XXXX

The next day, it was breakfast and Mario was a little more worried about the next school year, having discovered he was going to be wearing some of Bill's old clothes dyed blue for that year, seeing as it was supposedly the uniform. Mario hadn't wasted his breath on pointing out that Frontier didn't _have _a uniform. His aunt and uncle wouldn't listen.

From the front hall, they heard mail being put through the mail slot. They were the only people in Peach Creek who didn't take advantage of the Peach Creek Postal Office, because Uncle John didn't trust them. (By this, he meant he was too cheap for it.)

"Get the mail, Bill," John said, not even looking out from behind his paper.

"Make... Mario... get it," Bill said, waving his styrofoam sword around threateningly.

"Get the mail, Mario," John said.

"Make... Bill... get it," Mario said, mocking his cousin's tone. He dodged the inevitable swing from the sword and headed to get the mail.

There were four things: a postcard from Uncle John's sister Megan, something that looked like a bill, a letter for Mario, and a credit card off- wait, a letter for Mario? Mario looked at it, his heart thumping. He never got mail, ever. Yet, it was too plainly addressed for there to be any mistake.

_Mario Mario_

_The Northwest corner of the attic_

_The Attic_

_Number 3_

_Peach Creek_

He turned it over and saw a coat of arms on the front. There was a lion, a an R with a lightning-bolt theme to it, a sleeping dog, and a mountain with triangles running through it horizontally. All these images were surrounding a central crest: a circle with a horizontal line near the bottom and a vertical line near the left.

"GET THE MAIL THEN GET BACK IN HERE, BOY!" John shouted from the kitchen. They always called him boy instead of his last name, so that he knew how serious it was. Mario returned to the kitchen and gave them the bill, postcard, and credit card offer, and tried to surreptitiously open his own letter.

Meanwhile, John was opening the other mail. He snorted and tossed the bill back onto the table unopened. The same treatment befell the credit card offer, another thing that John was cheap about and justified it by saying that he didn't trust them. He was about to open the other letter when Bill cried "HEY! MARIO'S GOT A LETTER! HE SHOULDN'T GET LETTERS! WHY DOES HE GET A LETTER WHEN I DON'T?"

Ignoring the rest of Bill's ranting, John stole Mario's letter.

"Hey!" Mario shouted.

"No one would write to _you,"_ John sneered nastily. He turned it over and saw the coat of arms, and proceeded to pass out.

"DAD! GET UP! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT SAYS!" Bill shouted.

Kate picked it up. Her face turned white when she saw the sign. "John..." she said, nudging him, trying to get him up. "It's _them!"_

"LET ME READ IT!" Bill commanded, shouting loud enough to wake John up. For a second, he looked dazed, then he seemed to remember the letter.

"Give that thing to me!" he shouted. Before anyone could say anything, he ripped it up so thoroughly that people looking at it would have to be careful not to sneeze.

"Mario, go to the attic!" he demanded. Mario ran for it, afraid that John would start throwing feathers under the impression that they were knives if he stayed.

XXXX

That afternoon, John visited Mario in the attic. "Who sent the letter?" Mario asked immediately.

"No one. It was a mistake," John said.

"That's seriously the best you can come up with?" Mario asked in amazement. "The best you can come up with is to try and tell me that a letter addressed _that specifically _was a mistake?"

"SHUT IT!" John shouted. Then, he forced himself into a smile that looked as though the only thing that could possibly be more painful would be thumbscrews, if that. "Anyways, Kate and I were thinking... well... you're getting big for this attic, especially with all this other stuff around, and we were thinking that maybe you should move into Bill's third bedroom."

"Why?" Mario asked.

"NO QUESTIONS!" John demanded. "JUST DO IT!"

XXXX

It took Mario less than five minutes to lug everything he owned (namely, his blankets and some clothes) to his new room. Bill had a total of four bedrooms, each of which contained a quarter of his possessions. Mario was currently cramming himself into the third of these rooms, which was also the most cramped, with the most stuff in it, since it was a) the smallest, and b) the official "broken things" room. Looking around, he could see the tank, which, after taking out Jenkins's dog, had promptly crashed into the side of the nearest convenient house, a broken in half real B.B. gun, which came to be that way when Bill was dumb enough to sit on it. Mario lay down on his new bed, which had never been slept on, and made him wonder why it was there to begin with. He could tell Bill wouldn't be happy about this arrangement, but, if he was honest, he'd rather have the letter than the room. As he wondered about who could have sent the letter, and what the symbol had meant, he sure enough heard Bill shouting at his parents to give him the room back. Mario sighed. If only he'd opened that letter in the hall...

XXXX

Bill was in shock the next day. He'd broken the other plasma t.v. screen, thrown the electronic picture frame through a window while it was still shut, employed some words that can't be justified in being in this story, and overdosed on some medication he'd never needed to begin with. None of this had won him his room back. He seemed almost catatonic at the table. When the mail arrived, John, for his own inscrutable reasons, made Bill go get it. Bill furiously got up from the table and headed down the hall. On picking up the mail, they all heard a shout. "Here's another one! Mario Mario, the room in the Southwest corner of the house-"

Mario jumped up, but John was already rushing into the hall. They all engaged in a Brawl (not a typo) from which John emerged victorious, and with Mario winning several bonus points for attempting to keep up the fight until John tore it up, rendering the whole thing pointless. John forcibly led Mario to his room.

Mario lay down, coming to the realization: whoever had sent the letter, they'd known that he hadn't gotten the original. The plan formed instantly in his mind.

XXXX

The next day, Mario woke up when the alarm clock rang, having been fixed by him the previous day. Mario woke and opened the window, climbing out and landing neatly on the lawn. It was nice and early. He sat down on the front step, planning to wait until the postman came.

Of course it went wrong though. He'd been out there only a few minutes when the door behind him opened and slammed into him with enough force to knock him off the steps. Turning around, he saw John standing in the door, looking furious. "In!" he shouted as quietly as he could while still shouting. Mario realized that John must have guessed what he was going to do. Foiled again, Mario left, knowing exactly what was going to happen to those letters when they arrived.

XXXX

That Saturday, things went almost as insane as the hand who'd brought Mario. No fewer than three dozen letters found their way into each of the three cartons of milk Kate had bought, rolled up and hidden inside a plastic tube in each carton. John, no doubt going steadily insane from all these attempts to get a letter to Mario, and while tearing chunks of his moustache out, made a furious call to the store and the dairy company, Kate burned the letters, a difficult task with nine dozen of them present.

"Who the **** wants to talk to you this badly?" Bill asked Mario in amazement. Mario only wished he could answer that one.

XXXX

The next day, Sunday, was the final straw that broke the horse's back, or something like that. John sat down, tired out after a week of boarding up every crack he could find in the house through which a letter could conceivably be fit, and a few that couldn't, sat down at the table, not noticing that the water he'd gotten for himself was dishwater. "No mail on Sunday," he said, with all the members of the family bracing themselves in case he suddenly jumped at them with a knife-feather. "We're free for a day..."

A letter came whizzing through a wall and smacked John in the face. While they were all trying to figure this one out, the fireplace, despite being electric with no chimney to speak of, had several dozen letters shoot out of it. Before any of them could come to the conclusion that the laws of nature were being obliterated, the windows had several letters forced through them without the glass being broken in any way, shape or form. Everyone jumped up, Mario trying to catch the letters now flying in in so many places and so many at a time that they looked like a blizzard of letters. How he didn't manage to get one was anyone's guess. John tackled him when he finally did, and took it from him, and started ripping it up, but he only got a miniature rip before a stray letter hit him in the eye. As Kate and Bill rushed into the hall, it seemed that John snapped. "That's IT!" he said. "I've had enough of these letters. We are leaving, right now. Go and pack. Only the essentials. _Now!" _Having torn up his moustache during the previous day, he was currently resorting to his hair. He looked so dangerous currently that Mario had no trouble disagreeing with him at all. They all ran and packed.

XXXX

A few minutes later, Uncle John was driving them all in the car, fast enough to possibly be in a time warp. The were out of Peach Creek before noon, and into a city by 4:00. No one was complaining about John's methods, even though he probably didn't _technically _have the right-of-way on the sidewalk. He was driving insanely, and they got picked up by two police officers, and John welcomed their tickets gratefully, probably just to have mail that wasn't those letters.

They left the city. John continued in a straight line along the road, going over bridges and through small woods. What he was looking for (if, indeed, he was looking for anything) was a mystery to them all. Finally, they slowed down near the ocean. John stepped out of the car, slammed his door with so much force that it was a surprise that the glass didn't break, and stomped off.

By this point, Bill was sobbing. To Kate, who looked almost as unnerved as Mario felt, he said something about his show being on tonight, knowing it was on because of it being Sunday. Mario didn't pay that much attention, but it did remind him that it was his birthday tomorrow. In the excitement, he'd forgotten. Of course, the best gift he'd ever received from the Smiths had been a shoe with a hole in it, complete with a used handkerchief, but still...

John came back. He was grinning almost insanely. "That's where we're staying tonight!" he said brightly, gesturing to a shack on a rock a few miles out at sea that Mario had to squint to see. "I rented a boat from this man here!" he said, gesturing to a man that Mario felt that he would never accept a tax-free used handkerchief from. "I've even got us some rations, so all aboard!"

XXXX

There was a storm that night, and it wasn't exactly the best place to be, a third class shack on a fourth class rock with fifth class relatives and a sixth class cousin. There were two rooms. Kate and John slept in one, while Bill slept on the couch. Mario slept on the floor with the most epic failure of a blanket that could ever be seen anywhere. He had a watch, albeit being much less grand than Bill's. Well, at least it always told the time. If you set it to a time, it would stay there until you changed it. Mario wasn't even wearing it, because he already knew what it said (2:15.) So he watched Bill's watch instead. Unable to get to sleep, he had nothing better to do than wait for his birthday. He saw that he had about three seconds to go. "Make a wish, Mario," he muttered to himself, laughing wryly. There was literally no way out of this situation that he could see. The only bright side to all this was that he might be able to sneak one of the letters when he got home.

_BANG!_

Mario sat bolt upright, looking at the door, which was shuddering. Someone was outside.

Oh, no, who could it be? Of course, you probably already know, but hey. Anyways, sorry if this chapter is still too close to the book for your liking. But hey, he's almost to the other world. Maybe it'll be better there. Congratulations to Foxpilot for guessing Mr. Jenkins's first name, by the way. I'd give you a cookie, but my cat ate them. Thanks to all of you who are reviewing. Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine (again, constructively pointing out what could make the story better will help make it better,) flames are bad (ranting accomplishes nothing,) Gamer4 out.


	4. Lord of the Keys

_Gamer4 in. Naturally, I finally fix the caps key, and now everything is in italics. Just a sec. A tweak here, a tweak there, _okay, we're good. I've got to get someone in here to look at this piece of junk. Anyways, let's just get started on the fourth chapter.

Disclaimer: AAARRRGGGHHH!

Chapter IV

Lord of the Keys: Fellowship of the Plumber

_BANG!_

Bill shot bolt upright, shouting, "I'm innocent!" and falling back asleep immediately. John and Kate burst in, John carrying a rifle he'd presumably bought during his psychotic breakdown, and John shouted, "Who's there?"

Silence, and then-

_SMASH! _

The door broke down and in rushed something that Mario had never expected to see in his whole life: a gigantic left hand inside a glove.

"Sorries!" it said, and it picked up the door and slammed it back into the frame. "Yous got anyting to drink? It not an easy trip."

Bill woke up at this point, and, on catching sight of the hand, rushed back to his parents.

Looking around, the hand seemed to catch on to something. "Oh, you scared? Master Hand say you might be, I better start as human, but I get here quicker tis way. Jus sec-" There was a flash of light, and the hand was suddenly replaced by a large man wearing a gray jacket and a white glove on his left hand. Looking around, he sat on the abandoned sofa. "Sorries about teh scare. But teh letters no get to Marios, so Mater Hand send me to make sure it gets here tis time." Looking around, he caught sight of Mario. "An here teh guy!" he said happily. "I no sees you since you a baby! Master Hand- he my brudda (well, half-brudda, same daddy, different mom)- Master Hand tell me tat it wasn't good-bye for good. He said to me, 'Crazy,' he said- he always call me Crazy- 'Crazy,' he say, 'it not good-bye forever, you see him again before you knows it.' And here you is, and here _I _is."

No one had spoken once through this little rant. Finally, John seemed to gather his courage. "I demand that you leave _now!"_ he said, pointing the gun at the man on the couch. "You are breaking in, and I am within my rights to-"

"Ah, lighten up, stick in teh mud!" the former hand said. He jumped up, grabbed the gun, broke it in half, and tossed the pieces to the sides. John made a sound that the others couldn't exactly identify.

The man turned back to Mario. "Oh, almost forget. If you not notice yet, I not exactly the sanest ting ever. Anyway, happy birtday! I makes dis for yous!" he said, holding out a box he'd taken from one of the pockets on his jacket. Mario opened it. It was a chocolate cake with the words _Hapee birthday Mario _in purple letters.

Mario looked up, intending to say thank you, but he forgot before he opened his mouth and instead said, "Who are you?"

"Oh, I not introduce myself? Sorries. Whereyour manners, Crazy? Just in case you not notice, I not teh sanest thing ever. Anyway, I Hand! Crazy Hand!" He extended his left hand and shook Mario's hand happily, not noticing he had hold of him up to his elbow.

"So, yous got tea, or someting likes dat? I wouldn't say nos to, say, Mountain Dew if you got it."

It was here that Crazy noticed the empty fireplace. "Hard time getting a fire, eh?" he asked. He raised his left hand. Suddenly, there was a fireball there, which he threw into the grate. Within seconds, it was blazing like a bonfire. "Neat trick, huh?" Crazy asked of thin air. He sat down on the sofa, and began extracting things from his pockets, including a pan, some sausage, eggs, bacon, a spatula, a teapot, several mugs, and some sort of fizzy green drink that he took a gulp from before he got started. He produced a few sausages, two eggs, and a couple pieces of bacon that he slide onto a plate that he handed to Mario.

Mario hadn't tasted anything as good in a while, but he still wasn't sure about the former hand. Finally, he spoke. "Well, Crazy?" Crazy turned and looked at him. "I'm still not completely sure who you are."

"I teh Crazy Hand. You call me Crazy. Everyone does. It all teh same to mes. Iz teh wildlife manajer and outdoor caretaker at teh Smash Mansion, home of teh Smash Brudders. You knows all about tem, of course."

"Sorry, no," Mario said.

Crazy turned to him, laughing. "Of coursy you knows them. I mean, where else would you mommys and papa learn it all?"

"All what?" Mario asked, bewildered.

"It even funnier teh second time!" Crazy said. "I means, I knows you not get you letters, but yeh must know about teh Smash Bros. I saw Matter Hand leave a letter to explain it alls, so unless teh Smithies not tell you about it, you must know!"

"Know what? They never told me anything."

"They... they not tell you?" Crazy asked, looking bewildered for a second. "They not tell you?" Suddenly, the hand jumped up and turned on the Smiths. "You not tell him? I right with Master Hand when he leave teh letters! You no try telling me you not know! You telling me dat this boy not know _nuting?"_

"Hey!" Mario said indignantly. "I know stuff. Check my grades, they're A's for a start."

"Nah, not tat kind of stuff! I mean about my world! Yer world! Yer parent's world!"

"What world are you talking about!"

"SMITHS!" Crazy shouted, jumping up. He turned to Mario. "But you famous! You parents famous too! How you not know?"

"I didn't think my mom and dad _were _famous," Mario confessed.

Crazy finally seemed to calm down. Sitting down again, he said, "Well, I no able to change the past. But it time you know."

"_NO! STOP!"_ Uncle John said. "I refuse to let you-"

"STOP!" Crazy bellowed. "I still no believe you hide it from him all these years!"

"What were they hiding from me?" Mario asked, looking at him desperately.

"DON'T TELL HIM!" Smith shouted.

"Ah, go hammer a Pikachu, all of yehs," Crazy said, turning to Mario. "Mario, yous a smasher."

"A what?" Mario asked, taken aback.

"A smashers, of course!" Crazy said. "What else could yehs possibly be, with yous parents? Now, it time for me to do what Master Hand told mehs to do." He pulled a letter, exactly like the others, and handed it to Mario. Looking at the back, he saw the coat of arms once again. Turning it over, he saw the address: _Mario Mario, the floor on the West side of the room, Old-miserable-shack, the sea. _At last, he opened it, unfolded the paper inside, and read:

Super Smash Bros.

School of Smashing

Headmaster: Master Hand

_(Leader of the High Court, Winner of the medal of honor, nationally recognized final boss.)_

Dear Mario Mario

We are more than pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the smash bros. School of smashers. Enclosed is a list of all conceivably necessary equipment, clothing, books, and other miscellanea.

We look forward to September 1st, when term begins. We await your letter by no later than July 31st.

Yours sincerely,

**Samus Aran**

samus aran,

_Vice headmistress_

Below this was the symbol that was at the center of the coat of arms. Mario turned, trembling, to the Crazy Hand. "What does it mean, they await my letter?"

"Oh, almost forgot!" Crazy said, pulling stuff from his pockets again. This time, he produced a piece of paper, a pen, and bird of some kind with a long beak and white feathers that was _still alive, _and wrote a letter on it as follow:

Dear Master Handies:

gots mario his letter. Iz get him his stuff on teh morrows. Weather possibly better in hurricane antony. Hope everyting alright back home.

Crazy

He then tied this letter to the bird, took it to the window, and threw it out. He then sat down, like this was completely normal. "He a good albatross. He find teh Mater Hand."

"He's... not... going," John said, jumping up. Crazy gave a small laugh.

"Just tries to stop him if he wantses. I _dares _you."

"We swore we'd stop it when we took him in!" John bellowed.

"You knew?" Mario asked, standing.

"Of course we ****ing knew!" Kate shouted, standing. "How could you not be, my ****ing sister being what she was? She went to the same place, you know. She'd come back every summer, exhibiting her _wonderful _"gifts!" Somehow, I was the only one who saw her for the **** that she was!"

As she stopped to catch her breath, everyone gaped, open-mouthed, at her. Even John and Bill hadn't heard these particular words come from her before. "Then she met that ****er at school, and they had you, and we knew you'd be just the same! Then, they finally got what they deserved. They went and got themselves blown up, but we got stuck with _you!"_

Mario was feeling rage coursing through him. "Blown up?" he shouted. "You told me that they died when the house got burned down!"

"A house burning?" Crazy shouted. "Sarah and Jake Mario couldn't be killed by a house burning! This teh biggest cover-up since Watergate! Mario Mario doesn't know his own story? Tis a crime against nature!"

"What is my story?" Mario asked, turning to the hand.

Crazy looked suddenly nervous. "Oh, boys," he said. "Oh, I not know if Iz teh right guy to tell yeh." He seemed to be attempting to talk himself into something. "Well, someone's gots teh. It be a scandal you not know already, it even worse you go to the Smash Bros. not knowing..."

Finally, he seemed to come to a decision. "Wells, I tells ye as much as I can. Now, furst ting you needs to know is dis: not all smashers good. Tere was one a few years back dat went as bad as it possible to go, then kept goin. His name was... um... his name was... oh, I no wants to say it."

"Maybe you can write it down."

"I can't, I no know how to spell it. His name was... alright, Tabuu."

"Tabuu?"

"Ay!" Crazy said, jumping at the name. "Ay, no one in teh smasher world likes heering tat name. Anyways, a few years back, he start looking for followers. He gets tem, too. He had a way of gettings people to listen to hims. Naturally, there were rebels- an' he killed dem. He killed dem _dead. _Dat worse. Da Master Hand probably teh only guy he afraid of, and no one blame him.

"Yous parents were two of teh best smashers I ever sees. Da real mystery ish why he never tried to take care of dem before, one way or anudder. But at any rates, he turn up in Gem Heights, where yous was living, and- well, you figures out teh rest," he said, shaking slightly with sadness. "Da real mystery is dis," he finally said, getting control of himself. "He tried to bump yehs off too. No one knows why. But hes couldn't. It failed and backfired. He even disappeared after dat, which no hurt yous popularity."

"What happened to him?" Mario asked.

"I no knows. No one does. Some say he deads. Bubkiss, in mies opinion. I no tink he had enough humanity in him teh die. He probably out dare somewhere. Still out dere somewhere, but too tired to keep goins. Someting about you finished him, alrights."

"Load of B.S.!" John said. Mario jumped, having forgotten the presence of the Smiths. "I've told you already, he won't be going. Don't think we don't know what he needs for that school. I won't pay for it, I tell you!"

"And I already tells _you, _if he wants to go, a muggle like you no stop him! His name been down since he born! He be under teh greatest headmaster tey ever see, the Master Han-"

"I won't pay for some crack-taking fool to teach him this madness!" John shouted.

Suddenly, Crazy's voice became dangerous. "Dat it, Smith. Yous can insult me, but nobody insults teh Master Hand in front of me. Madness? THIS... ISH... SMASH BROS.!" He raised his hand again, and brought it down to point at Bill. There was a flash of light, and when it cleared, they could see Bill had a turkey's tail. John roared with rage, took his son and wife, and fled into the next room.

Crazy stepped back. "I shouldnta got so angry. Ah well, it no work anyways. I was going for teh whole nine yards." Looking briefly at Mario, he added, "Would yous mind not mentioning tat to anyone at teh Smash Bros.? Technically, I no allowed to do dat kind of stuff."

"Why not?"

"Ah, I gets kicked out, to tells teh truth. Fourth year."

"What happened?"

"Oh, look at teh time!" Crazy said. "Wow, it was midnights when I get here! It time to hit teh hay. Here," he added, taking off his jacket and tossing it to him. "Sleeps under dat. Don't minds if it twitches a bit, I mights still have an albatross somewhere in dere."

_XXXX_

Well, it was requested that there be some sort of divider between the end of the chapter and the after-chapter notes, so from now on, it will be marked by the usual four X's in italics. Hopefully, this suits you. Thanks to all of you who are reviewing, it means a lot. Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad, Gamer4 out.


	5. Twisted Lane

Gamer4 in. Sorry I'm a little late with this one, but there's been a lot going on over here. I

got another story started, and then I found out that what I'd written had, for some reason, been deleted by my computer. I then spent some time doing schoolwork, and got the 3DS (awesome, by the way,) and got back- and lo and behold! What I'd written had been deleted _again. _So, hopefully, the rest of this chapter will go off without a hitch. (For all my talk about the dangers of tempting fate, I do it pretty often, don't I?)

Disclaimer: The opening notes were long enough.

Chapter V

Twisted Lane

Mario woke fairly early the next day, for having been awake so late last night. However, he didn't open his eyes right away: he was confused by a dream in which a star had been watching him while he slept, and, on seeing him awake, had turned into a rabbit. This was one of the many things that made him sure that the hand had been a dream. He knew he was still with the Smiths, and didn't wake immediately, not wanting to be disappointed when he woke to still be in his attic. This was about the time that he heard the following noise:

"Up! Up!"

There went his hopes. Sadly, he muttered, "Okay, okay, I'm getting up." He sat up and a giant glove fell off him. The storm was over, though this did nothing for the shack, which still looked like a place that Boo Radley would avoid. The insane hand himself was knocked out on the couch, snoring loud enough to wake several angry stalfos, and completely gloveless. The noise was coming from a bird at the window. As Mario watched, it let out another cry. "Up! Up!"

"Yous shut up all dat noise!" Crazy shouted at the bird, tossing a random rock at it. The rock broke the entire window, somehow, and the bird flew in, dropped a paper on the sleeping-again Crazy Hand, and began attacking his glove.

"Don't," Mario said, moving towards him. The bird snapped at him and continued. "Crazy! There's a bird-"

"Huh? Whozat?" Crazy shouted, jumping out of bed. "I no has it, youhear? Okay, it me! And I do it again!"

"Crazy! Crazy! Calm down! It's just a bird attacking your coat!"

"Oh, sorrys. If you not notice, I not exactly-"

"The sanest thing ever, yeah, I know."

"Teh bird probably just want feeding!" With this, he shot into his glove and turned into his human form. Producing some bread out of nowhere, he offered it to the albatross. The albatross, far from being pacified, snapped viciously at him, causing him to jump back a little. "Owowow," he said, sucking his fingers. "Why yous so mean?"

"It dropped a paper!" Mario said, pointing this out for the first time.

"Whys you not say so to begin wit?" Crazy said. "He want payin!"

"Paying?"

"Tare an echo in here? Payin!"

"What does an albatross do with-"

"You not question teh world of the smashers! Teh answer ish obvious: he buy coconuts!"

"Coconuts?"

"Coconuts! They buy coconuts and fly around teh world wit tem! But tey need moneys first!" With this, he reached into one of his pockets and picked out several green jewels. "You hand tese to him!"

Mario took the jewels, and handed them to the albatross for a total of what he later learned was 50,000 dollars in muggle money. The albatross turned and flew out, no doubt eager to escape insane hands with coconut thoughts. This task completed, Crazy turned to Mario. "Welp, you better eatses some breakfast! We off to Twisted Lane todays!"

"Where's Twisted Lane?"

"Oh, it a smasher town! It's hidden in teh city of-"

Just as he was about to name the city, motorboat drove by, blocking it out to all ears but Mario's. "And dat why we gots to get movin!"

"There's just one problem, Crazy," Mario said, suddenly realizing this fact as he helped himself to some sausage. "I have no money, and Uncle John won't pay for crack-ta- I mean, he won't pay for me to go."

"Ah, no problem! We go to teh 3rd national bank of smashers!"

"Smashers have banks?"

"Yep! Teh one you gots a account in ish teh 3rd! It run by goombas!"

"What's a goomba?"

"Yous see soon enough. But you have to be insaner tan I is to try an' rob it, I tells yeh. You has to be a great jumper to beats a goomba. Teh only place possibly safer ish teh Smash Mansion itself! Oh, by teh ways, you know whats foreshadowing is?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, no reason. I gots to stop at teh bank myselfs. Master Hand expecting someting! So, you gots everyting ready? Come on!"

The two of them stepped out on the rock. "How did you get here?" Mario asked, noticing that the only boat there was the one John had rented.

"Iz teleport! Too bad I no allowed to do stuff like dat often, it fun. Anyways, we probably head back in dis."

They stepped in the boat. Crazy picked up the oars, tossed them over, and began making the boat move towards the shore.

"How are the Smiths going to get back?"

"Ah, trust the power of plot holes, dear Mario. Plot holes fix everyting, you not worry."

Mario considered this for a minute, and, deciding that he might as well let the author get away with this one, he asked a question that he'd been wondering. "So, what exactly is a smasher? I mean, I can tell they're special, but I'm not completely clear."

"Well, a smasher is a person who- a smasher is a person that-" To the reader, he said, "He doesn't know what a smasher is." Turning his attention back to Mario, he said, "A smasher a person who defy science. Tey have special powers! All smashers have unique gifties, but tey have common ones, too. There classes at teh Smash Brudders for all teh common gifts, like power-ups, combat, secret-finding, and homeroom ish for specific abilities!"

"I made a fence disappear, does that mean that's my power?"

"Nawt necessarily. Before tey gain true powers over teir gifts, smashers' powers erratic and insane. I knows smashers who do stuff as kids tey lost da ability to do when they started controlling temselves. But, in exchange, you gets to decide when to use teh abilities you _do _have, and stuff like tat." With this, Crazy pulled out the paper and began flicking through it.

Mario's head was reeling. He wondered what _his _special ability would be.

Crazy suddenly snorted. "Government of smashers messin tings up agin," he said, flipping the page.

"There's a government for smashers?" Mario asked.

"Oh, yeahs," Crazy said. "At first, Master Hand was gonna get teh top job, and be teh _president _of smashers, but training youngster smashers his calling. So now we gots stuck wit Olimar. Tey say he go insane while out in teh planets. I believe it? Yes I do. He keep asking advice from Master Hand. No one blame him."

"What do they do?"

"Lots of tings. Theys main job ish to hide teh smasher world from teh muggle world. I means, if we ever founds out- well, let's just say that X-men had some facts right."

"What do you mean?"

"You knows about medieval witch-burnings?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Dat started when smashers gets found out. Took years to cover it all up."

This was about the time they arrived.

XXXX

As they walked through the city, they got a lot of strange looks. Mario, frankly, couldn't blame them. In his human form, Crazy may have been, but he was just as insane as ever. At several points, he noticed strange and unnatural tourist attractions, such as parking lots, and would excitedly rush over and ask Mario to take his picture in front of it. Not wanting to reason with Crazy that parking lots were as common as air around the place, Mario simply would repeat that he had no camera. Eventually, they decided to take a bus. Mario was worried about money, but Crazy had it covered: he slid the bus driver a few gold coins, (for a total of about $300) (but not in smasher money) and they were let on.

Crazy was no less conspicuous on the bus. He was relatively normal-sized, but he was sitting there playing a handheld video game and jumping every time anything even remotely surprising happened.

"Is it just goombas guarding the 3rd bank?" Mario asked, as Crazy jumped particularly violently.

"Oh, noes," Crazy said. "Tey gots all kinds of stuff. Tey say dere even Bosses guarding big-cheese vaultses."

"What's a Boss?"

"Dey gigantic creatures when dey full-grown. Dere all kinds of dem. Yous still gots yehs letter?"

"Yeah," Mario said, taking the envelope out of his pocket.

"Superspecialawesome!" Crazy said. "Dere should be a list of teh essentals!"

Mario unfolded another piece of paper that he hadn't noticed previously, and read:

**Super Smash Bros**

**School of smashing**

Uniform:

All noobs will require the following:

1. At least three (3) sets of clothing in a suitcase. (Should look exactly the same, except for possible functions.)

2. Headgear of some sort (Should match the student.)

3. Gloves (For protection in some classes, and can be worn at other times if the student wishes.)

4. One (1) form of winter clothing.

Books:

All noobs should have a copy of each of the following:

_Super Smash Bros. 64 Instruction Booklet_ by Anolis Anomore

_History of Smashing _by Toadsworth

_Theory of Smashing _by Chuck Norris

_A Beginning Guide to Transformation Power-ups _by Innanother Castle

_1000 Special Mushrooms for Red-wearing Mustached Plumbers _by Foreshad Owing

_Ability Power-ups _by Doabar Relroll

_A Smasher's Menagerie _by Hal Berd

_Beginner's Guide to Protection from the Evils_by Midbus Fawful

Other Equipment:

1 Power Controller

1 Cooking Pot

1 Set of Test Tubes

1 Telescope

1 Suitcase for Gear

1 Scale Set

Students may also have possession of an Albatross or a parrot or any other animal, we really don't care.

NOOBS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN KARTS! TAKE NOTE OF THIS! OUR SECURITY IS INSTRUCTED TO, UPON FINDING SPECIAL WEAPONS ON NOOBS, LAUGH LIKE THE JOKER AND THROW THEM (THE KARTS) OFF THE HIGHEST TOWER. WE WARNED YOU.

"What's a power controller?" Mario asked.

"Dat what let you channel yous powers. It deh most important."

Mario was going to ask what the special weapons thing was about, but decided, on reflection, that he could wait. "Is this all really here in-" his words were drowned out by a passing semi playing Highway to Hell at the highest volume, so only Crazy could hear him.

"If yehs know where to head," Crazy said, jumping violently as a face kissed his screen and left lipstick there.

The truly scary thing was, it was Mario's face.

XXXX

Having been confined to Peach Creek his whole life, Mario had never been to a big city before. Crazy seemed to know where he was going, but was, evidently, unused to getting there in the non-smasher way. The most alarming moment came when he sneezed in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, and momentarily changed into his hand form. Fortunately, a routine riot had broken out as four guys walked down the street with You're the Voice playing in the background, and this went unnoticed.

Even in his human form, Crazy stuck out like a sore thumb. Mario had more chance of defeating a giant revenge-crazed turtle than losing him. However, no matter where they went, they never seemed to pass a place that looked anything like what Crazy had described to him. Had Mario not known that the Smith's sense of humor was just as bright and vibrant as someone who's jokes could be used as a sedative, he would have thought this was an incredibly elaborate prank.

His thoughts were interrupted when Crazy announced, "This teh place."

Okay, sorry for breaking this into a two-parter, but I'm starting to cross my limit of pages on my writing program for any given chapter. Anyways, I hope you can all forgive me for the horribly long break. I didn't enjoy the most recent hiatus, but there was a lot of stuff going on here. However, recently, my friend managed to get me off my lazy butt and start writing again. Now for something completely different. This is a chapter that I deliberately put several shout-outs into. I want to see how many people will get. I will be extraordinarily surprised if someone actually gets all of them. (And not all are Nintendo-related.) Passing over that, please R&R, flames are bad, constructive criticism is embraced, Gamer4 out.


	6. Twisted Lane Part II

Gamer4 in. Because this is the second part of a two parter, I won't put much here, and I'll leave out the disclaimer.

Chapter VI

Twisted Lane Part II

"Where are we again?" Mario asked. Crazy had failed to reveal this piece of information.

"Tis Telma's bar!" Crazy said happily. "It teh way from dis world to Twisted Lane."

Mario stared at the place Crazy had pointed to. He was pointing to a store in a strip mall, a bunch of small stores or cafes in a row in one building. In particular, Crazy was pointing at #16, Telma's bar, just as he had said. It had no windows, just the door. Even the door wasn't transparent. As they stood there, a random guy said to a friend, "Whoever numbered these stores must have been morons. They skipped from 15 to 17!" Mario was starting to wonder if he and Crazy were the only ones capable of seeing the place. Before he could mention this, Crazy had hold of him in his left hand and pushed him inside.

Inside, it was relatively dark from the lack of windows, though there was lighting. There were a variety of beings in the bar. There was a chair where a turtle on its hind legs was conversing with a blue man in a suit with a fish tail sticking out of the back of his head. A man in some sort of battle suit seemed to be in an argument with a 2-dimensional figure that was entirely black. Behind the bar was an African woman conversing with a strange being that had the appearance of a red spirit twisted into a spiral. He was repeating over and over again, "Telma, Telma, Telma, Telma, Telma, Telma, Telma-"

"Hey, Crazy!" Telma said, looking around the bar. "The usual, I'd guess?"

"Oh, noes, we just headin' to Twisted Lane todays."

"Oh, no, it's just fine!" Telma said, eyes flicking towards the spirit. "Just fine!"

"Noes, noes, we gots teh hurry and get Mario his school tings!"

The effect of this sentence was outstanding. Every one stopped what they were doing like someone had hit a pause button. Each and every person stopped moving. The man in the battle suit and the 2-d figure were gaping over at them. The man threw one last punch at the figure, still without taking his eyes off Mario. The fish guy, who had been drinking from a glass of water, still had it tipped over, causing the water to drip onto the table. The turtle across from him was simply gaping.

Telma was the first to speak. "Mario Mario. Welcome back."

As one, everyone in the bar stood up and Mario found himself shaking hands with all of them.

"The name's Kolorado, Mario, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you here!" said the turtle.

"Talon's the name, I run a horse ranch out in the fields, stop by if you ever need one, free for you, of course!"

"Mario, Mario, Mario, Mario... I'm h...a...p...p...y," said the spirit that had formerly been pestering Telma.

_Mewtwo's the name. I teach psychic abilities at the Smash Mansion, _said a being wearing a baseball cap backwards hanging over the back of his head from horn-like things. _Of course, if you're not born with the ability, I can't do anything for you..._

Suddenly, a penguin moved to the front of all of them. "Step aside, royalty coming through!" he called. Mario stared. It was an anthropomorphic penguin wearing royal robes, carrying a hammer, and wearing a turban that would probably be big enough to cover Europe if he wanted to try.

"Dededes!" Crazy said joyfully beside Mario. "Mario, dis Dedede, he work at teh Smash Bros.!"

"Protection from the Evils!" Dedede said proudly. "Though, you won't need that, will you?" Dedede said. "You'll be getting your school stuff today, I'd guess?" Not giving Mario time to answer, he said, "Of course you will. I have to get some stuffmyself, actually. Hope to see you doing good in my class this year!"

With this, he ran off, not wanting to get between Mario and some of his more rabid fans.

Eventually, Crazy managed to break the two of them out of the crowd, and they escaped into small courtyard out back made of high walls of stone, and that the two of them barely fit into. "I tells you you famous, didn't I?" Crazy said happily. "Even Dedede arrogant about meeting you. He usually like dat, though..."

"Is he always like that?"

"Oh, yeah. He call himself 'King' Dedede. No one know exactly what he teh king _of. _He go into Dreamland a couple year back, to gets some time off. No one knows what happened, but he start declaring himself king after that. Now, where dat brick? It impossible to find..."

As Mario tried to grasp a meaning out of what Crazy had just said, Crazy himself began counting bricks.

"Okay, tis teh one!" he said. "Here we goes!" He turned into his hand form and pressed a finger against the brick he'd motioned at.

Nothing happened.

"Maybe it dis one," Crazy said, pushing against another one. And then another one. Finally, he said, "Maybe I not push hard enough." He rammed against the first brick, and the wall collapsed. "Oops," he said. "Let's hurry up, before we gets noticed." With this, he pushed Mario out into Twisted Lane.

The first store that Mario saw as they began walking down had a large collection of mushrooms in the window. Another had a sign over it saying _Potion bottles for every occasion: Blue, Pink, Red, Green, Lantern Oil, Springwater..._

There seemed to be over 9000 shops on the lane. A mushroom-woman was looking at one, saying, "16 rupees a pound for space pirate heart, like _that _would fool anyone..."

Another shop had a sign saying, _Pet store: Albatrosses, dogs, cats, Komodo Dragons. _Near this was a store with several student-age kids in front of it. "The Flame Runner, it's supposed to be the most powerful ever..." one was saying. *

There were shops selling special clothing, parts that he never knew existed of animals he'd never heard of before, instructional books and booklets, lightning-in-a-bottle, ingredients to all kinds of things, globes of the Tallon planet system...

"And heres we are!" Crazy said happily, pointing at a large palace-like building. It made all the stores (and Dedede's ego) seem minuscule in comparison. Standing side by side in front of the doors were strange creatures that resembled brown lumps with teeth and eyes. They turned to look at the hand and the boy as they passed through.

On the inside, they found a large entrance hall with desks on either side of a central circular floor, which held a carpet with the sun stitched into it inside a small depression. A little ahead of that, there was a staircase, with two doors on either side of that, and at the top of the staircase, a miniature hallway leading to more doors. There was even a set of double doors in the center of the wall at the top. The two went to one of the goombas one the counter on the left, who seemed to be on a coffee break, and was somehow drinking coffee and reading a paper despite a lack of arms.

"MORNING!" Crazy said, causing the goomba to accidentally spit the coffee all over his paper. "We needs money from Mario Mario's vault!"

The goomba gritted its teeth together as it leaned forward and glared at the two of them. "Do you have the key?" he growled.

"It here somewhere!" Crazy said, shifting back to humanity as he began to look through his coat pockets. Mario steadily backed away from the goblin, who's expression darkened more and more as Crazy dumped all kinds of stuff all over his already-coffee-dampened newspaper, including a half-eaten cinnamon roll. Finally, he pulled out a freakishly large key that it took his entire left hand to hold, and he passed it over to the goomba before beginning to stuff his stuff into his pockets again.

The goomba looked at it closely. "That seems to be in order," he said, adding, "unfortunately," under his breath.

"Ohs, I also got a letter from teh Master Hands!" Crazy said, going through his pockets again. This time, he also accidentally pulled out a can of Mountain Dew, which was open but still had the soda in it somehow, which he accidentally dumped over the goomba's desk. (That poor guy.) Finally, he pulled out the letter and handed it to the goomba before returning everything to his pockets.

The goomba, who was clearly not in a good mood, read the letter. "Okay," he said. "I'll have someone take you down. Goompa!" he shouted. A goomba ran over and led the two of them to a door under the staircase. As they entered, they heard someone telling the goomba they'd been speaking to that his break was over. The door closed before they could hear the reaction.

XXXX

The door lead to a room noticeably darker than the previous one. The only lighting came from a nearby torch as Goompa led them down a short spiral staircase. He led them through a series of hallways, until they came upon a cave-like passageway that wouldn't be out of place in your average action-adventure movie. Goompa led them over to a nearby vehicle of some sort, and the next thing they knew, they were shooting through a series of caverns at 200 MPH. Initially, everything looked the same, as they shot through a series of caves that were exactly the same with four tunnels leading out of each one. Mario made an attempt to remember the order they went through them, but it was harder than trying to figure out _The Matrix, _so he gave up. Eventually, the caves started varying, and they were going alongside the edges of cliffs that overlooked underground lakes, up mountainlike hills and down again, and over bridges that spanned lava-filled pits. Mario was enjoying the ride immensely, but, as they shot over a stone bridge spanning a bottomless chasm, he noticed that Crazy was starting to look a little green around his non-existent gills.

Eventually, they began to slow down. Finally, they rounded one last unreasonably sharp turn, and came to a halt outside vault 343. The three of them jumped out, Goompa wearing the same expression as when they'd entered, Crazy shaking as he leaned against the vault door, and Mario waiting for the adrenaline to leave. Goompa motioned for Crazy to give him the key, which he did, and he opened up the vault.

As Crazy seemed to come to himself, a gigantic amount of red smoke that smelled like gunpowder came out, Goompa muttered, "Thank the Smasher Bank Theatrics Committee for this one," and he saw the inside of the vault.

He was astounded. There were three colors of coins: red, blue, and gold. There were so many of each that the ceiling was almost touched in several places, and the floor was invisible. Aside from the coins, there were hundreds of perfectly symmetrical jewels to add to the fortune. "Yep, tat all yours," Crazy said, sounding happy.

All Mario's. This was insane. All that time of the Smiths complaining how much he cost to keep, and he had secretly been richer than God. Crazy went to help Mario take some of the money into a bag.

"Teh jewels ish rupees," he said. "Tere 50 blue coins to a red one, 10 red to a rupee, n' 20 rupees to a gold coin. It not dat hard. Dis," he said, throwing a last bit of money in, "should hold yous over 'till next yearsies." To Goompa, who had been hanging off to the side so far, he said "Vault 767, pleash. And little slowers tis time?"

"One speed only, young'n," the old goomba said.

XXXX

They shot even deeper than before. They shot further and further into the earth. It was like an adventure park ride. Mario was enjoying it, but Crazy was groaning deeply, and sounded like he was ready to vomit.

The vault itself, once they had arrived, was just a bare stretch of stone set into a larger stretch of wall. "Stand back a little," Goompa said, taking a hammer out of nowhere and, despite not having any arms, slammed the hammer against the wall. It collapsed. "Only the goombas that work here have the ability to pull the hammers out of where they're stored," Goompa said.

"Where dat?" Crazy asked.

"Only the goombas that work here are allowed to know."

"Ah, you not even know."

"Just get what you came for, young'n."

Crazy moved forward. Mario looked in, trying to see what Crazy was going in to get. The only thing in the room was a battered, weathered, old piece-of-junk chest. As Crazy threw the top open, random music started playing, getting louder and louder, until it a last four notes heralded Crazy holding out the contents of the chest proudly. A random voice said, "Crazy got a _**mysterious thing."**_

"What was that?" Mario wondered.

"Only goombas that work here are allowed to know."

"You're just saying that every time something happens that you can't explain, aren't you?"

"Only goombas that work here could know that, young'n."

Crazy came out of the vault, in human form, tucking the package with the _**mysterious thing **_inside into his jacket. He shifted into his hand form. "It be safer dis way."

Mario would have asked what it was, but he knew that Crazy wouldn't tell him. The three of them headed back into the cart, ready to head back to the surface.

_XXXX _

Sorry about dividing this one into a 3-parter. The page limit on this program is annoying. But, aside from the limit, it's actually a pretty good program, so I keep using it. That said, don't be surprised if I divide some of the longer chapters into parts. Again, sorry. Anyways, please R&R. Flames won't accomplish anything, but any constructive criticism that could make the story better is welcome. Gamer4 out. 


	7. Twisted Lane Part III

Gamer4 in. This being the (hopefully) final part of a multi-parter, I have nothing to say.

Chapter VII

Twisted Lane Part III

Back outside of the Third National Bank, Crazy was shaking from the rides inside, and Mario's head was still buzzing. Even aside from the vehicles and amusement-park-esque bank transportation system, he knew that all the money he had in his bag now was more than he'd ever had before combined. Most likely, even more money than Bill had ever had.

"Uniforms time!" Crazy said. "Teh best place fer close ish Toadette's place!" He said, motioning to _Toadette's Clothing for all Conceivable Circumstances. _"Yous mind if I slip over teh Telma's bar? She make great Mountain Dew, and she probably need help wit teh spirit."

Mario remembered the spirit, and nervously agreed to part from the giant hand. He went over to Toadette's place and walked in.

Toadette was a short woman with a mushroom cap on her head, which was pink with white spots. Hairlike ponytails came down on either side, which were similar to the mushroom cap. She was smiling when he came in.

"Smash Bros.?" she guessed. Mario nodded. "Well, don't just sit there. Come on!"

As she led him to a fitting area, she asked, "Are there any clothes you would prefer?"

Mario thought for a second, and glanced at what he was wearing. "Um, how about a red shirt and blue overalls over a red shirt?"

"That'll work. We've had three other future smashers in here who wanted the same style, just with different colors. The fads you kids think up!"

She led him into a fitting room, where there was another student being fitted. He looked like a large turtle with small horns coming out of his head, and with claws at the end of his hands and feet. He was standing upright as another mushroom-woman was taking his measurements. Toadette put Mario next to him and began taking his measurements as well. The turtle looked over.

"S'up, dog?" he asked. "You with the Smash Bros. too?"

"Yes," Mario said, looking at him.

"My old man's out getting supplies, and my mom's looking at power controllers," he said, leaning back as the mushroom-woman finished taking his measurements and went off to look for his style of clothing. "Then we're going to take a look at karts. It's a fallacy that Noobs can't have their own. But we'll get one anyways. I'll get it in somehow."

The kid's ego reminded Mario of Dedede and Bill simultaneously.

"You got a kart?" the turtle asked.

"No."

"You play Smash-Up at all?"

"No," Mario said, drawing a blank on what Smash-Up was.

"I do. It will almost be a sin to reject me from the team. You know what group you'll be in yet?"

"No."

"Well, I guess no one can know until the time comes, huh? But I do. Sierra is mine. All my family's been in it, ever since we started going. Even if I don't get Sierra, I could stand it, unless it was HAL, of course. I'd drop out. Imagine being stuck with _them._"

Mario didn't know how to respond to that.

"What the heck is that?" the turtle said suddenly, pointing at the window. Mario looked to see Crazy floating there, waving two ice creams in the air with one hand, looking triumphant, despite being just a hand.

"That's the Crazy Hand," Mario said, glad to know at least one thing about this world. "He works at the Smash Mansion."

"Yeah, I've heard of him," the turtle said, sounding thoughtful. "Word is, he's a servant. Lives at the edge of the forest, because his own brother won't let him in. Every now and again, he has a spazz attack and accidentally burns the place down."

"I think he's awesome,"* Mario glared at him. He was liking the turtle less and less.

"You do?" the turtle said. "Well, why are you saddled with him? Where are your parents?"

"Dead." Mario said, trying to hold himself back from tossing this guy into the nearest convenient bomb.

"They were our kind at least, weren't they?" the turtle said.

"They were both smashers."

"They shouldn't let the other kind in," the turtle said matter-of-factly. "They just aren't the same. You never know what'll happen. What's your family name?"

Before Mario even opened his mouth to answer this one, Toadette came by with his clothes. With this, Mario quickly left the place.

Mario was quiet as he ate the triple-scoop Crazy had got him. (Somehow, the hand had managed to come by 1 scoop Mountain Dew, 1 scoop Sweettarts, and 1 scoop bubble gum.) Crazy, perhaps sensing that something was wrong, said, "What goin' on?"

"Nothing," Mario said, continuing his ice cream. After a bit, after they had bought a fair bit of his supplies, he asked, "What's Smash-Up, Crazy?"

"Ah, I forgets how much you not know! Even about Smash-up!"

"But what _is _it?"

"Smash-Up ish a sport. Smasher sport. You not find a smasher dat not heard of it, just as hard to find one dat not follow it. It slices, it dices... Dere a lot of items... played on karts... I not know how teh explain da rules."

"What are Sierra and HAL?"

"Dose two of da four groups. Dey say HAL a bunch o' low-tiers, but, on teh whole..."

"I'll probably be in HAL," Mario said, his confidence starting to drain.

"Better HAL den Sierra. Dere not one evil smasher dat not in Sierra. Even You-Know-Who."

"Tab- er, he was at the Smash Bros.?"

"Once upon a time. Dere no happily ever after."

This said, Crazy, in human form, glanced down at the supply list. "Wes just need you a power controller." They walked forward for a bit, before Crazy seemed to realize something. "Hey, I no get yous a birtday present!"

"You don't have to-" Mario tried to say, going red immediately.

"I knows," Crazy said, cutting him off. "How 'bout an animal? Albatrosses good. Dey carry mail. Dey slice, dey dice!"

And so it came to be that twenty minutes later, they left the pet shop carrying an albatross in a cage. Mario couldn't stop thanking the giant hand.

"Eh, it no trouble. Just teh power controller left, at any rates. We go to Game-n'-Watch's place! He gots teh best stuff!"

The shop they went to next was small and old, judging by the sign overhead that said, "Game-and-Watch's House of PCs. Maker of Fine Power Controllers since the days before Adam and Eve."

A bell rang somewhere as the two stepped in. The area in front of the counter was empty except for a chair that Crazy sat on to wait. Mario was creeped out by the place: he kept glancing over his shoulder, nervous from the feeling that he was being watched.

"Good afternoon," said a deadpan, monotone voice behind him. He whirled around to see the 2-D figure from the bar. He was just the 2-D outline of a real person, and had no defining features.

"Hi," Mario said nervously.

"Ah, I thought I'd be seeing you soon, Mr. Mario."

"How did you-"

"You have your mother's eyes. No one could not recognize those eyes. I remember when your parents were in here buying their first PCs themselves. It was ten years ago, but I have a very sharp memory, and you look just like your father, aside from the eyes. His were gray. You have to remember these things, when you've been open for as long as I have. I remember when I first opened. Boy, that was back in the day. I remember when all this was farmland, and- well, I'm getting off topic. Come on, let's see if we can find a controller you favor- well, I say you'll favor it, but it's really the controller that chooses the smasher. And that's where..." he pointed gently at the M-shaped scar on Mario's forehead. "Sad to say, I'm the one that sold the controller that did it. An eye-shaped thing it was, meant to be kept near the chest. A very powerful thing, capable of great deeds. If only I'd known, back then, what damage I was causing..."

"G-dub, we get on with this?"* Crazy said. "Mario kind of need his controller before teh century go by."

"Ah, Crazy, you're right. Now, Mr. Mario, let's take a look-see, shall we? Are you left or right-handed?"

"Um, right..."

"Good, good," Game-and-Watch said, going through his stock of controllers as the tape measure, without any support, measured the length of Mario's shoes, his legs, the thickness of his legs, his arms, the thickness of those, around his stomach and his head...

"No controller is alike, Mario," Game-and-Watch said, continuing his musings as he pulled potential controllers down from the shelves. Suddenly, he turned around and addressed the tape measure. "That'll be all," he said, and the measure crumpled. He presented a wristband-like object with spikes around the edges. "Try this on, will you?" he asked, handing it over. Mario attempted to slip it on, but before it cleared his hand, Game-and-Watch took it back. "No, that's not it," he muttered. Next, he presented a metal sword with a strange symbol in the handle. "Try this one on for size," he said. Mario took the sword, but it was immediately taken back. "No, that's not it either. Now, if you would try this one..."

Mario wondered vaguely what Game-and-Watch was waiting for. Each time he tried a controller, varying from rings to shoes and back again, the 2-D figure would snatch it back again.

"Tricky customer," Game-and-Watch said cheerfully as the tried controllers mounted high enough to touch the fairly-high ceiling. "We'll find you a match somewhere in here." Suddenly, he paused. He had reached back for another controller to try, and come back with a red cap. For a second, he was silent. "Well, this _is _curious," he said, handing the cap over to Mario almost absentmindedly.

Mario took it and placed it on his head. He felt warmth spread to every part of his body. He jumped up into the air, and went high enough up to touch the ceiling. Crazy gave a cheer and clapped with his thumb and index finger, while Game-and-Watch gave a shout of victory. "Brilliant! Epic! Curious... Very curious..."

He went to pull up a price for it, still muttering about how curious it was. "Sorry, but what's curious?" Mario asked, still wearing the hat.

"I remember everything I've ever sold, Mr. Mario. Everything. What is curious is that the power that resides in that hat comes from a phoenix**, and that from its magic, there was but one other controller made. What is even more curious is that you are destined for this particular controller when its brother... _gave you that scar." _He spoke like he was going for maximum dramatic effect. "Indeed, I think we can expect great things from you. After all, whatever else may be said of him, You-Know-Who did great things. They were terrible, of course, but great nonetheless."

"How much dis cost, G-dub?" Crazy said, perhaps sensing how unnerved Mario was becoming.

They quickly paid 16 gold coins for the hat, and left.

XXXX

Mario didn't speak as they left and headed out through Telma's bar, Crazy shifting into human form as he did so. Crazy said they had time to get a bite to eat, and they headed to a nearby Burger King.

"Yous alright, Marios?"

Mario chewed his food, trying to think how to phrase what was bugging him. "Everyone thinks I'm so special," he said finally. "Game-and-Watch, Dedede, but I don't know anything about this world at all. I don't even remember what happened the night with Tab- er, You-Know-Who."

Crazy leaned forward, wearing a kind smile. "Oh, you not worry at all. Everyone start at 1-1 at teh Smash Bros. I not say it be easy, but you have great time at teh Smash Bros. I did. Heck, still do! You find your place, ten everything be alright."

Crazy reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Tis your ticket for teh ride to da Smash Bros. Yous go to this station, first of September. It all dere. Do not lose it. Dat be bad. You gets problems wit teh Smiths, send a letter wit teh albatross. He know where to find meh."

They headed to a nearby bus place, and Crazy got Mario onto one. "Sees yeh soon, Mario!" he said, waving goodbye. Mario turned to watch Crazy disappear. Crazy was waving with his left hand lifted high. Then the bus turned a corner and he was gone.

_XXXX_

* I wonder if anyone will know where Crazy's nickname for Game-and-Watch comes from.

** This is one thing that will remain the same. The Dumbledore and the Phoenix is kind of a package deal at this point.

And thus ends that chapter. The only thing I have to say before going off is that while I was writing this chapter, I got another version of this writing program that has- wait for it- _no page limit! _Dadadada! So we will probably be seeing longer chapters, though there still might be the occasional 2-parter. They'll be less frequent, though, that's for sure. Anyways, please R&R, constructive criticism that could make the story better is accepted, flames can't accomplish anything, Gamer4 out.


	8. The Journey from Platform Q

Gamer4 in. I honestly have nothing to say.

Disclaimer: I'm already running out of ways to phrase this. Not a good sign, since we're not actually that far into the story.

Chapter VIII

The Journey from Platform Q

The last month of summer wasn't fun. Of course, it rarely was anyways, but still. Though Bill was now so scared of Mario that he would run faster than he ever had (which isn't actually saying that much) whenever Mario entered the room. Mario himself was no longer shouted at, or forced to sleep in the attic, or to do anything. The Smiths weren't speaking to him at all. This did make several things better, but it was still depressing after a while.

So Mario generally kept to his new room, with the albatross for company. While flicking through his books, he had come across a name for him, and had named him Parakarry. The books themselves were interesting as well. He was spending his time these days reading them, due to the fact that he didn't really have anything else to do, while Parakarry swooped in and out. Every night, he would count another day until he left the place to go to the Smash Mansion.

On the night before the journey to the mansion, he decided to talk to the Smiths about a lift to the airport where there would be transportation to the mansion itself. This in mind, he headed down to where the Smiths were all watching Wheel of Fortune. He entered, said, "It's me, Mario," which had become his customary entrance a while back. Bill, predictably enough, turned tail and fled. Mario turned his attention to John. "Um, Uncle John?"

John sighed, and grunted to show he was listening.

"I need to be at this airport tomorrow to go to the Smash Mansion," Mario said, handing an address to him.

There was silence as John looked at the address..

"Is it alright if you give me a lift?"

John nodded, albeit in a jerky and irritable way, and Mario, satisfied, said, "Thank you," and turned to head back up, having left off one of his books in the middle of learning about someone named Farore, but John spoke up suddenly.

"Where is this school, anyways?"

Mario, realizing he didn't know, took out the ticket Crazy had given him. "There's just going to be transportation from that building, at platform Q, at 11:00."

Both of the two turned to stare at him. "What?" John said.

"Platform Q, at this building," Mario said, showing them.

John, seeing the building, said, "There's no Platform Q there!"

"It's on the ticket."

"They're all insane," John said flatly. "Psychotic, I'd be willing to bet. Alright, we'll take you there," he said, passing the address back. "We're going up that way anyways tomorrow."

XXXX

And so it came to be that Mario woke up at 5:00 the next morning, and, too excited to go back to sleep, packed up and began pacing around his room impatiently. A couple hours later, all his stuff was packed into the Smiths' car and they were steering to the airport addressed on the ticket.

When they got there, the Smiths all-too-kindly helped Mario get his stuff out of their car and into the building itself. Mario should have known that there was something up. Having done this, the three of them rushed back to the car and left before he could have any second thoughts.

Naturally, he did. It was at this point that he realized that he had no idea where there was a Platform Q. He naturally started to feel a little nervous, and noticed that he had only ten minutes to get onto whatever thing that would be transporting him to the Smash Mansion. And where was he? Standing in the middle of an airport with a case of smasher money, a heavy case, and an albatross in a cage.

At about this time, a group of people happened by him. A few words of what they were saying came by him. "Of course, it's all the same, at any given year, packed with muggles, and all these-"

Mario swung around to look at them. There was a woman talking to four boys, only one of which looked fully human, with the other three looking somehow unreal. Behind them was a young blond girl carrying an albatross.

Mario headed towards them, trying to catch what they were saying. They were heading to a display on a far wall that was like a projector screen with an advertisement for some water park on it, with the water in the picture moving if touched. They were all standing beside it. The woman turned to look at her children. "What's the name again?"

"Platform Q!" Piped up the young blond. "Mom, can't I go this-"

"Sorry, Peach, but you're not old enough," her mother replied. Turning her attention to one of the unnatural-looking boys, she said, "All right, Rob, you go first."

Mario watched as 'Rob' turned toward the water park advertisement. He began to rush forward, and just as he hit the screen, a crowd of people rushed through out of nowhere, leaving Mario not understanding it when Rob had vanished when they passed.

"Okay, you next, Kirby," the woman said, turning her attention to the other two unnaturals, who looked exactly alike.

"Hey, he's not Kirby, he's Meta!" said the one she hadn't spoken to.

"And you call yourself our mother!" the other said. "Shouldn't you know I'm Meta?"

"Okay, then, Meta, go through."

Meta picked up his stuff, and, just before he ran through, he said, "Just joking, I am Kirby," and dashed in. The other boy, presumably the real Meta, rushed after him. Seconds later, they were both gone.

At this point, Mario picked up his fallen jaw, and headed forward. Speaking to the woman, he said, "Excuse me?"

"Hello," she said, turning to smile kindly. "First time at the Smash Bros.? Link here is new as well."

She pointed to the only boy left, who was the only one who looked purely human. He had blond hair himself, pale blue eyes, and was dressed in green from head to toe. Even his shoes and socks were green, and he was wearing a green hat to top it off.

"Well, yes, but... well, I..."

"Don't know how to get there?" she guessed, smiling kindly. Mario nodded.

"Don't worry," she said. "What you do is walk straight at that advertisement. Don't stop, don't be scared, and you should probably run a bit, if you're nervous. Here, go before Link."

Mario nervously hoisted his stuff up and stared at the advertisement, trying to imagine that the water was real, and that even if it didn't get him to the platform, the worst to fear was getting a little wet.

Holding his stuff up a little, he began to run at the screen. Naturally, halfway through the run, he started having misgivings. There was solid wall behind that screen, no denying it. He picked up the pace, into a sprint. At this point, even if he stopped, he'd slide into the wall. He ran forward as fast as he possibly could, and, just as he reached the screen, jumped for some reason. He landed and kept running. Looking up, and sliding to a stop, he saw a gigantic sci-fi-esque ship standing there. A sign overhead said _Great Fox: Smash Bros. Transportation, 11:00. _He'd made it.

There were smashers of every description there. Looking around, he saw several of those unnatural-looking smashers shifting into what he guessed were their real forms, explaining about Link's brothers.

As he headed towards the great ship, he decided to take a room closer to the ground. As he headed there, he passed a boy dressed in a green shirt with overalls similar to his own who was saying, "I've lost him again."

"Oh, Luigi," he heard the old woman he was talking to sigh.

Mario began trying to get on board. However, he found it difficult: his trunk was very heavy.

"Need a hand?" said a random voice that he recognized as one of the twins from the airport. He turned to see a round pink thing with a face standing there, with a sword (presumably his power controller) in a sheath at his side.

"Yes, please," Mario said, groaning as the trunk fell off the step he'd managed to get it up and it fell on his foot.

"Hey, Kirby, come here and help!" the thing (presumably Meta) called out behind him. The twin arrived in moments, carrying a similar sword by his side. The three of them lugged Mario's trunk up the stairs and into a room on the bottom of the ship.

"Thanks," Mario said, taking his hat off for a second to wipe sweat from his brow. "You guys look-"

"Different?" Kirby asked, guessing ahead of time.

"Yeah, we have to look more human to blend in with the muggles," Meta said.

"What's that?" Kirby suddenly asked, seeing the M-shaped scar on Mario's forehead.

"Wait a second," Meta said, leaning forward.

"Hey, Meta Knight, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Kirby asked.

"Are you?" Meta Knight asked Mario.

"He is!" Kirby said.

"I am what?" Mario asked.

"Mario Mario!" both said at once.

"Well, I think I am..."

They both stared at him for a moment. For that moment, Mario felt himself go as red as his clothing. Suddenly, a voice filtered in from outside. "Kirby! Meta Knight! You there?"

"Coming!" they both said, rushing out.

Mario crouched down beside the window, where he watched the family. "Where's Rob?" the mother asked.

"He's coming now," Link said, not sounding at all excited.

Rob came striding to the others. In his real form, he was a robot, and Mario felt himself wondering how humans could give birth to robots. About where the robot's chest would be, there was a badge with a P on it. "Sorry, but I can't stay long, mother, the prefects have a compartment up front to themselves."

"You're a prefect, Rob?" Meta Knight said, sounding horribly shocked.

"Oh, if we had known that, we'd have shown you much more respect!" Kirby put in.

"Hold on, never mind, maybe he did mention something about it," Meta Knight said, sounding like he was coming to a sudden realization. "Yeah, I do remember something..."

"Yeah, I remember it too," Kirby said, slapping himself on the forehead. "He mentioned it maybe once-"

"Or twice-"

"A second-"

"Ever since he got the letter."

"Oh, shut it," Rob said.

"Okay, Rob, have a good year," the mother said. "Send me a letter when you get there, the albatross will find us."

With this, Rob strode off.

Now the mother turned to Kirby and Meta Knight. "Now, this year you two behave. If I get another letter about you two mimicking other students, or blowing up toilets-"

"We've never blown up a toilet!"

"Great idea, though, now that you mention it."

"Anyways, guess who we just met on the train!"

"The black-haired, blue-eyed boy from the airport? Know who he is?"

"Who?" Link asked.

"Mario Mario!" the two chorused.

Mario heard the girl's voice. "Mom, can I go on the ship and see him, oh, please?"

"You've already seen him, Peach, the boy isn't a zoo animal. He's not a wolf. I wondered why the poor boy was alone..."

"Forget that!" Meta Knight said. "Do you think he knows what You-Know-Who looks like?"

"I forbid you to ask him, you two," the mother said, sounding stern all of a sudden.

The engines on the ship suddenly started up. "Hurry on!" the mother said, looking at the ship, as everyone began to hurry on board. Kirby, Meta Knight, and Link began to head for the ship. Peach began to cry.

"Ah, don't worry, we'll send you loads of albatrosses," Meta Knight said.

"Yeah, we'll send you a toilet seat!" Kirby followed up, and the two ran off. Just as the brothers jumped on board, the opening began to close, and the ship began to lift. Mario watched the mother and the daughter fall away as the ship lifted up. Once it had gotten high enough, (at which point he couldn't see the two anymore,) it began to shoot forward through the sky.

The door to his compartment opened and the youngest of the family came in, the only humanoid one.

"Anyone else sitting here?" he asked. Mario shook his head and motioned for Link to sit, which he did. His gaze flicked onto Mario, but he quickly turned his gaze to the window, trying to act uninterested in the fact that he was sitting in the same compartment as Mario. He gazed downward, though they were so high at this point that there wasn't really anything to see.

"Oh, Li-ink!" said a voice from the door, and the two of them turned to see the twins there. "We're heading up to the top of the ship. Adeliene's got a giant spider up there."

"Fantastic," Link muttered.

"Ah, Mario," Kirby said, "we haven't introduced ourselves yet. Where are our manners? Kirby and Meta Knight Faron. This is our brother, Link. See you at the mansion." With this, they turned and left.

"Are you really Mario Mario?" Link asked tentatively. Mario nodded. "Ah. Well, I thought it might be one of those two's jokes," he said. "Do you really have that- well, it would be rude to ask..."

Mario took off his hat and lifted his hair.

"Awesome," Link said, transfixed for a second before he seemed to realize what he was doing and turned back to the window, returning to feigning interest in passing clouds.

"Are all your family smashers?" Mario asked.

"Yeah, all the way through my family, as a matter of fact."

"You must know some tricks already."

Link was silent for a moment or two, than said, "I heard you went to live with muggles. What are they like?"

"Well, my uncle, aunt, and cousin are horrible. Wish I'd had some smasher family."

"Yep, 5 older siblings, all smashers," Link said, sounding dejected. "I'm the sixth to go to the Smash Bros. I've got a lot to live up to, putting it mildly. Linebeck and Midna have already graduated. Linebeck was a head boy, and Midna was a Smash-Up prodigy. Now Rob's a prefect. Kirby and Meta Knight mess around, but they're very popular. I've got to do just as well as they did, but they did it first, so it won't matter anyways. Even then, I've got Linebeck's old clothes, Midna's Power Controller, and Rob's old cucoo." He gestured to his clothes, presented a beat up sword, and pulled out a small chicken-like thing, fast asleep. "Its name's Oreo, and it's useless. Leave it to Rob to name a cucoo Oreo."

At this point, they were far away from the city the airport had been in, and were speeding over open country.

It was at about this point that a lady came by pushing a cart loaded with food, and she looked in, saying, "Anything?"

Mario, not having had breakfast, jumped up, while Link's face turned red and he muttered something about sandwiches. Mario headed out to look at the selection: there was nothing he'd ever seen before. There were candy mushrooms, Galaxy-brand every-flavor star bits, maxim tomatoes, suck-on hearts, superspicy curry, and multiple other things. He pulled out some money, bought some of everything, and headed back in.

"Hungry, huh?" Link asked.

"Oh, starving," Mario said, sitting down and beginning to eat.

Link picked up a sandwich, and pulled it apart. "Ugh," he said. "Tuna. I stopped liking tuna after wearing a zora mask one Halloween."

"Here, have one of these," Mario said, holding out a suck-on heart.

"Oh, no, you bought it-"

"And I want you to have some," Mario insisted. "Come on..."

And so it came to be that they spent the next chunk of the trip eating through Mario's numerous candies.

"What are these?" Mario asked, turning to a chocolate bird. "They aren't real, are they?"

"Nah," Link said. "But it's the card you want anyways. I'm missing Nayru.

"Come again?"

"Oh, yeah, you don't know. They all have trading cards with famous smashers. I've got over 9000, but I'm missing Nayru and Admiral Dane."

Mario unwrapped the bird, put it in his mouth, and looked at the card. There was a picture there of a gigantic hand in a glove, not unlike the Crazy Hand, except it was right-hand.

"So this is the Master Hand."

"Oh, you must have heard of him!" Link said. "You're the only one more famous! Can I have a bird?"

Mario turned the card over.

**MASTER HAND**

**CURRENTLY HEADMASTER OF THE SUPER SMASH BROS.**

**O**ften considered to be the greatest smasher who ever lived, the Master Hand is especially famous for his defeat of the evil known as Pokey, his discovery of power-ups, and his work with his partner and friend, Dampe. Master Hand enjoys classic rock and challenging heroes who have claimed many victories.

Mario put the card off to the side.

Link was more interested in eating the birds than the cards, but Mario was transfixed. Soon he added Farore, Eldstar, Dark Matter, Giegue, Steve the Pikmin, and Albert Einstein to his collection.

Here, there was a knock on the door and in entered the green-dressed boy from Platform Q. "Have you seen a Saturn around?"

They shook their head. "Oh, no, I've lost him! He keeps getting away!"

"He'll turn up," Mario said, attempting to reassure him. He turned and headed out.

"Don't know why he's worried," Link said. "If _I'd _brought a Saturn, I'd have tried to lose it. Then again, I brought a cucoo named _Oreo, _so I can't talk."

Link turned to look at the cucoo. "He might have died, and you wouldn't know," he said disgustedly. Suddenly, the door opened and they turned to see the new arrival.

She was a brunette, with hair as dark as Mario's, and was already wearing a blue-and-white dress with long white sleeves. "Has anyone seen a Saturn? A boy named Luigi's lost one."

"We already told him that we haven't," Link said.

"Ah," she said. She was quiet for a second. "So, we're going to the Smash Bros., aren't we? I've already worked out my special talent: magic. I've tried a few spells, and they've all worked. I'm muggle-born, it was a nice surprise whin I got my letter. I've heard it's the best school of smashing there is. I've memorized the books, I hope that'll be enough- the name's Zelda Hyrule, by the way, what's yours?"

"Um, Link Faron," Link saidm looking a little offput.

"Mario Mario," Mario said.

"Really?" Zelda asked. "I know all about you, from history books I got for some light reading."

"Ah," Mario said, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"You didn't know?" she asked. "Hm. Well, do either of you know what group you'll be in? I've been asking around, and Nintendo sounds like the best by far. I hear the Master Hand himself was in it. Though, on reflection, Retro wouldn't be too bad either. Well, I'll be looking for the Saturn. I'd guess we're going to be there soon, by the way, you might want to get dressed."

With this, she was gone.

"Well, whatever group I'm in, I hope she's not there," Link said, leaning back.

"What house are your brothers in?" Mario asked.

"Nintendo," Link said, becoming dejected again. "Mom and Dad were there too. I hope I am too. I guess Retro would be fine, too, but imagine if I get landed with Sierra."

"The group Tab- er, you know who was in?"

"Yeah," Link said, turning to look out the window again.

"So, what do the oldest do now that they're out?" Mario asked.

"Midna's a studier of bosses, and Linebeck works for the national banks." Suddenly, Link perked up. "Hey, did you hear about the 3rd national smasher's bank? A top-security vault got robbed!"

"Really?" Mario asked.

"Yeah, and they didn't get caught! They had inside help, though. It was all in the paper. There was one goomba that helped him find the vault that went on record saying all he remembered was getting attacked from behind, then waking up in the hall. But there were goombas who saw him helping the thief. Even weirder, they didn't take anything."

There was silence for a second as Mario turned this thought over in his mind. A goomba with a black-out in his memory, a robbery where they didn't take anything from a bank that was supposed to be impossible to rob...

The door opened again. Three students entered, and Mario recognized one as the turtle from Twisted Lane. He was now looking at Mario with more interest he'd shown back there.

"So it's true," he said. "They're saying that Mario Mario is in this compartment. So you're the one, huh?"

Mario nodded, glancing at the other boys. Neither looked particularly friendly.

"Oh, this is Ganondorf and Wario," the turtle said, seeing where Mario was looking. "And I'm Dragmire. Bowser Dragmire."

Bowser turned to look at Link. "Don't tell me. Pointed ears, hand-me-downs, stupid complexion. You must be a Faron. Mario, you'll soon find out that there are some smasher families that are better than others. You wouldn't want to make friends with the wrong dogs, homie. I can help you there." He extended his hand.

"No thanks," Mario said. "I'm a pretty good judge of character myself. Please leave," he said with mock politeness, gesturing towards the door.

Bowser sneered. "You gotta be careful, Mario," he said, presumably using his last name. "Your parents didn't know what was good, either, and look where it landed them. It'll rub off on you if you hang around trash like the Farons and the Crazy Hand."

Both of them jumped up. "Get out now," Link said, unsheathing his sword. As he said it, Ganondorf unsheathed his own, and Wario got into a bit of a fighting stance.

"Oh, we don't feel like it yet," Bowser said. "We've eaten all our food, and you still have some, homies."

Wario happily reached towards a bird, but he let out a shriek of pain as his finger came up with Oreo's beak firmly lodged in it. He flung the bird around for a while, and, on dislodging him, fled, with Bowser and Ganondorf hot on his heels.

Just as they left, Zelda Hyrule burst in. "What's been going on?"

"Can we help you with something?" Link asked.

"I've been to the front to the pilot, and we'll be landing soon. You haven't been fighting, have you? You wouldn't want to be in trouble before we got there!"

"Would you mind leaving while we change?" Link asked, pointing to the exit.

"All right, I only came in because everyone's acting very childishly," she said, ducking out.

Link glared after her as Mario checked outside the window. It was getting very dark, even above the clouds. They did seem to be losing altitude.

Mario put on his red shirt and overalls while Link put on his green tunic and boots and hat.

A voice came through the ship: "We will be reaching the Smash Mansion in 5 minutes. Please leave your carry-on items in your compartments, they will be taken to the school separately."

Mario felt nervous and, looking over, saw Link looking the same way. Together, the joined the crowds in the corridor.

_XXXX_

Okay, that's all for now. To apologize for the three parter last chapter, here's an extra long 1 parter. Anyways, please R&R, constructive criticism is embraced, flames won't help at all, Gamer4 out.


	9. The Sorting FLUDD

Gamer4 in. Sorry that this chapter is late in coming. Writer's block is one of the worst things on the planet. The fact that this computer keeps blue-screen-of-deathing me doesn't particularly help. I was halfway through the chapter when it deleted what was written. Thanks, Microsoft.

Disclaimer: I do not own either. But you know that already. (You can tell what kind of stuff I've been watching lately, can't you?)

Chapter IX

The Sorting FLUDD

The Great Fox drew closer and closer to the ground. When it landed, the door opened and the students began crowding out. As Mario and Link stepped out, the sun was down and the stars were shining overhead.

For a moment, all was silent. Then, as Mario was looking around, he heard a familiar spastic voice calling out, and looked over to see the Crazy Hand, holding a giant lantern in hand form, shouting, "'Dis way, first years! Tis way to teh boats! Follows me! Careful tere," he added, stopping Luigi from slipping down the steep path he was leading the group down. They headed into a small cluster of trees at the edge of a forest, and the trees were dense enough to block out the little light that there was. For the most part, all was quiet as they headed down.

"First sight of teh mansion coming up soon!" Crazy called out. "Home of teh Smash Bros.!"

A moment or two later, the path left the trees and opened onto a hill leading down to a lakeshore with a fleet of small boats there. Across the lake was a large hill, and perched on the hill was a mansion so grand it made most muggle mansions seem like outhouses. It towered above the ground, and it was hard to tell how many stories it stretched up for, and took up an extremely respectable amount of ground. Mario wouldn't want to be the one to find out exactly how big it was.

"Four to a boat!" Crazy said, climbing into one that he took the entirety of, still in hand form. Mario and Link climbed into the nearest one, followed by Zelda and Luigi. Even Zelda seemed speechless with awe. "All in?" Crazy called out, checking behind him. "Goods- FORWARD!"

He shouted this last word dramatically and the boats began crossing the lake, without any assistance. The lake, which had previously been smooth, had ripples carve into it from the boats. After a few moments of sailing, the boats bumped into the opposite shore, and Crazy began seeing them out of the boats. Crazy checked behind them. "Hey, someone lose a saturn?" he called. Luigi whirled around.

"I lost one!" he said.

Crazy handed to him a strange creature that resembled a lump with eyes, a big nose, small feet, and whiskers. "Boink!" was the only noise it made as it changed hands. "Someone always forget someting in da boats," Crazy said. "Alright, follow me!"

They turned and followed him a short way up the hill to a huge set of double doors. "Everyone here?" Crazy called out behind him. "Yous still got teh saturn?" Not waiting for an answer, Crazy, still a hand, turned and banged on the doors.

The doors swung open immediately. Behind them was a tall blond woman wearing a blue suit that encompassed her entire body except her head. She was carrying a gun in her belt. Just looking at her face, Mario made a mental note to stay on her good side at all costs: she didn't look like someone who it would be good to have as an enemy.

"Teh noobs, Samus!" Crazy said brightly.

"Thanks, Crazy. Head to the dining hall. I'll take them from here."

She swung the doors wide open as Crazy pelted into the entrance hall and through a door on the right, not even opening it as he barged through, yet somehow not breaking it either. Samus gave a brief sigh and motioned for them to follow her.

The inside of the entrance hall was large enough to comfortably house four of the Smith's houses standing together in a square. Light came from somewhere, though it was hard to tell where. Opposite them was a gigantic staircase leading up.

Samus led them across the room. As she did, Mario could hear noise coming from the door that Crazy had just gone through- presumably the dining hall- but they were shown off to the left side of those doors, to a door in the corner of the hall. The inside was relatively small, and empty aside from a few portraits hung on the walls. Samus turned to them and began to address them.

"Welcome to the Smash Mansion, home of the Super Smash Bros. school of smashing," she began. "The start-of-year feast will begin soon, but before you can take your seats you must be sorted into your groups. At this mansion, your group will be like your family: you sleep in your group dorms, you spend free time in your house hub, and have classes with other members of your group. The four groups are called Nintendo, the group commonly associated with courage and nobility, Retro, the group commonly associated with intelligence and wisdom, Sierra, the house most commonly associated with being power-hungry and cunning, and HAL, the group most commonly associated with being hard-working and loyal. While here, your triumphs earn you points, and rule-breaking loses you points. The group with the most points at the end-of-year feast wins the Smash Bros. Cup. I hope that you all will do great things in whatever group you join. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes. I have to go and make preparations. The ceremony will take place in front of the rest of the school, so I would suggest preparing yourself in my absence. Good luck." With this, Samus turned and walked out.

Mario turned nervously to Link. "Exactly how do they sort us?"

Link shook his head nervously. "Some sort of test, the way Kirby told it. He said it hurts, but this is Kirby: it's hard to tell when he's joking."

Thus comforted, Mario leaned against the wall for support. He didn't know anything about smashing yet: what could they possibly expect from him? Zelda Hyrule was, predictably enough, going off rapid-fire about all the tricks she'd learned and wondering what would happen. Mario tried not to listen.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, something happened that made Mario leap back with a yelp of shock. He wasn't the only one: most of the first-years who saw it jumped backwards. A short man had just entered through the wall: he was bald, had a moustache that went around his head, and was white and transparent. He took no notice of them; he was talking to someone behind him. "I understand where you're coming from, but I don't see a reason not to-"

He was cut off by another white, transparent man coming through, but this one was dressed like a stereotypical angel, and carrying a bow. "We've given him so many chances before, Rauru, and he never shows the slightest sign of turning around."

"Surely you of all people believe in second chances, Pit?"

"Yes, but he's literally had over a hundred since he first came here, and even I-" Here, 'Pit' finally seemed to notice the first years gaping at the two of them. "Hey, Rauru, when was the new year starting again?"

"Oh, new students!" Rauru said, noticing them all standing around. "About to be sorted, most likely."

Silence.

"Ah, well, hope to see some of you in Hal. My old group. Why, I remember when I myself was a young one. Of course, I was alive then, but still, your time at the Smash Bros. isn't a time you quickly forget, and I, for one-"

"We're ready," came Samus's voice from the door. Everyone turned to see her leaning against the wall. The ghosts both headed through the opposite wall and the students turned to her. "Form a line," she said, "and follow me into the dining hall."

Feeling like he would collapse soon, a feeling that seemed to be shared by a fair number of the others, Mario fell in behind Luigi, with Link behind him, and the group began moving into the dining hall.

The room was huge. There were four long tables with a variety of smashers already seated at them, and the room had that same sense of light coming from somewhere, though it was hard to tell where. At the head of the room, there was a small flight of steps about three of four steps tall that elevated a fifth table, which Mario assumed belonged to the staff. Samus led them between the tables on the ground, and stopped up at the staff table, where a chair was set. Behind the chair, Samus was holding up a strange thing that looked like a pump of some sort. She spoke.

"When I call your name, you will come up and strap this to your back. It will tell you what group you are best suited to," she announced.*

"We've just got to put on that pump thing?" Link said, sounding exasperated. "Kirby was saying something about fighting a boss or something!"

Mario didn't speak. Just strapping something to his back for a bit was a lot better than any test he could have thought of, but he still didn't feel entirely comfortable as the first student went up and became a member of Hal. The table second to the left cheered as she headed over.

"Mouzer, Moustafa!"

"Hal!" The thing spoke with a deadpan, monotone voice.

"Toad, Slippy!"

"Retro!"

The table second from the right applauded as an anthro frog wearing a uniform of some kind headed over.

A student or two after this, "Kokiri, Saria," became a Nintendo, receiving a great number of cheers from the table on the right.

Following this, "Sheikah, Maria," became the first Sierra, and was welcomed by the table furthest to the left.

As the list continued and more and more students were sorted, Mario began to notice that some took longer to sort than others. The thing didn't even touch Bowser's back before declaring Sierra. Luigi, meanwhile, was onstage for a full three minutes before being declared Nintendo materiel.

"Hyrule, Zelda!"

Zelda went up the stairs and allowed Samus to put the thing on her back. A moment or two passed, and then- "Nintendo!" Link quietly moaned as she headed over to take her place.

Mario nervously looked around. He'd never felt comfortable in front of people. He kept worrying as more and more students took their places among the four tables. Finally, "Mario, Mario!"

As Mario walked up to strap the thing to his back, talk broke out behind him. "Did she say Mario? As in, Mario? _THE _Mario Mario?"

Mario turned to face them as Samus put the thing on his back. Suddenly, the monotone voice spoke in his head. _Hello. I am FLUDD. I hope to put you in the correct group. What do we have here? Driven by courage. A great amount of talent. A strong desire to prove yourself. Interesting. So what now?_

_Not Sierra! _Mario thought desperately. _Not Sierra. I'd rather go back to the Smith's- well, not really, but not Sierra! _

_Not Sierra? _FLUDD asked, sounding thoughtful. _Are you sure? Some of the greatest smashers were in Sierra. A group like that would help you to glory, no doubt about it. _

_Not Sierra, not Sierra, please, NOT SIERRA! _

_Very well, if you're absolutely sure, then it'd better be... _"Nintendo!"

The FLUDD shouted the last word out to everyone who could hear. He quickly undid the straps and jumped down the stairs and, still shaking slightly, headed to the Nintendo table. So relieved was he that he either didn't notice or care that he was getting the loudest cheer of any student yet. Rob stood to shake his hand, and the Faron twins were shouting in jubilation, and there was, in general, much rejoicing.

Now that he could see the staff table clearly, he saw a few of the teachers. At the far end was the Crazy Hand, who gave him a not-so-subtle thumbs up. Mario smiled and gave him a thumbs up of his own. In the center of the table was a right hand in a glove. From his card, Mario recognized the Master Hand. A few teachers down the line was Dedede, who looked as out-of-place as ever in his three-sizes too big turban, and wearing a smug grin as usual.

By the time Mario had started taking notice of things again, Link was the last one remaining to be sorted. He nervously headed up the steps, and Samus strapped the FLUDD to his back. A few seconds of silence, and then- "Nintendo!"

Mario clapped hard as Link, looking thoroughly relieved, came over and sat down next to him.

"Welcome to Nintendo, Link!" Rob said brightly as he beckoned Link over. Up ahead, Samus was picking up the chair and FLUDD, and she carried them into a back room.

Mario looked down at his empty plate, which was made of something he couldn't identify. Now that all that excitement was over, he started realizing how hungry he was.

The Master Hand rose from his chair, though it was hard to tell, with him being a hand. For a moment, there was a blue flash, and he stood there in his own human form, looking like the Crazy Hand, but not sharing his insanity. However, all the warmth was there. "Welcome!" he began. "Before anything else, I have a few words I must say. Bros.! Legend! Metroid! Star! Thank you." Whereupon he shifted back to his hand form and sat behind the table again.

"Is he a little insane?" Mario asked, turning to Rob.

"Are you joking? He's brilliant! He's the best smasher this world has seen in a while! Yeah, he's insane! Not in the Crazy Hand's league, though. Fries?"

Mario's jaw, as it was prone to doing lately, dropped. All the tables were suddenly laden with food. It was like an all-you-can-eat buffet. Though the Smiths had never starved him, he still didn't get to eat at feasts like this. Bill inevitably took anything he really wanted, just to make sure he didn't get it, even at the cost of whatever he'd eaten himself. Mario began taking food and started eating. It was all delicious.

When everyone had eaten their fill, everything vanished, leaving the plates completely clean. They lingered that way for a second, and then the desserts appeared. Ice cream in every conceivable flavor, multiple pies, pieces of cake and doughnuts, jello, pudding...

As Mario helped himself to a doughnut, he glanced up at the staff table. Crazy was drinking several cups of Mountain Dew, Samus was having a word with the Master Hand. Dedede was chatting animatedly with Mewtwo, the strange being from Telma's bar. Next to Mewtwo was another anthro, this time a wolf with grey fur and dressed in a uniform and wearing a headset of some kind. As Mario glanced at him, the wolf glanced back, and for the brief moment, Mario felt a jolt of pain shoot through his scar.

"Ouch!" Mario clapped a gloved hand to his forehead.

"What is it?" Rob asked, looking at him.

"Oh, nothing," Mario said. The pain had subsided almost unreasonably quickly. "Rob?" he asked, nudging the robot. "Who's that teacher up there?"

"Up there?" Rob asked, peering at the wolf. "That would be Wolf O'Donnell, he teaches power-ups. He's good at it, but he doesn't want to. Everyone knows he'd rather teach protection from the evils. He knows a lot about the evils, does old Wolf."

Mario shook Rob's last sentence off, and continued watching the anthro. He couldn't shake off the feeling he'd gotten from that brief glance. He didn't feel like Wolf liked him at all. He wouldn't expect him to, they'd never met, but this was different...

After the desserts followed the dinner into hammerspace, Master Hand rose again, but didn't shift into human form this time.

"Now that we are all fed and, I hope, comfortable," he began, "I have a few start-of-year notices to give out. First off, all noobs should note that the dark forest at the edge of the grounds is strictly forbidden. This also serves as fair reminder to some of our older students." Maybe it was Mario's imagination, but he thought that Master Hand twitched towards Kirby and Meta Knight as he said this. "I've also been asked by Mido, our caretaker, to remind you that there should be no abilities used in the corridors.

"Smash-up trials will be held at the team captain's leisure. Anyone who would like to play for their group's team, contact Coach Lakitu.

"I must announce a change in staffing this year. As you will recall, our old protection from the evils teacher retired last year, after only one year, and so this year, we have the role fulfilled by King Dedede!" Here, there was a small bit of applause for the penguin, who stood, looking smug as ever.

"Finally," Master Hand said after everything was quiet again, "I must announce that the third-floor corridor down the left end of the hall is strictly forbidden to all who do not wish to die an excruciatingly painful and hideous death." Mario laughed quietly, but was almost alone.

"Is he serious?" Mario asked uncertainly, turning to Rob.

"It would seem so," Rob said, gazing upward. "He usually gives us some reason or other that we can't go to a forbidden place. Not with the dark forest, but that place is full of dangerous creatures, and people generally stay away anyways. You'd think the prefects would know, at least."

"And just before bed," Master Hand said, perhaps noticing the grimmer mood since his announcement, "let's sing our school song!" He flexed his fingers, and a long ribbon of light flew out of it and made itself into words. "To your favorite tune," he announced.

And everyone sang:

_Audi famam Illius_

_Solus in hostes ruit_

_et patriam servavit_

_Audi famam Illius_

_Cuccurit quaeque tetigit destruens_

_Audi famam illius_

_Audi famam illius_

_Spes omnibus, mihi quoque_

_Terror omnibus, mihi quoque._

_Alle_

_Iuxta me_

_Alle iuxta me_

_Sucii sunt mihi_

_Qui olim viri fortes_

_rivalesque erant_

_Saeve certando pugnandoque_

_Splendor Crescit!_

Everybody finished at different times. Some finished while others were still working out the lyrics. Somehow, Kirby and Meta Knight, who had been singing since the start, outlasted them all, singing to evidently the slowest tune they could think of, and were still and the fourth Audi famam. Eventually they reached the end.

Master Hand spoke again, sounding sentimental. "Ah, music," he said. "A gift beyond anything else we do here, aside from possibly making it possible for the first years to keep up with those lyrics. Anyways, it's bedtime now. Off you go!"

The students began leaving the hall. Rob led Nintendo's first years. Mario felt a lot better than when he'd been in the portrait room. So tired was he that he didn't notice the three secret passages Rob led them through, or the fact that some pictures were moving, or that another group of students on an alternate staircase were being attacked by a strange being that resembled a round, white ball with eyes, a mouth, and a small tail who was smiling wickedly at them. Finally, at the end of a long corridor that they came to through a bookcase, was a picture of a tall woman with blond hair that hid one of her eyes. She wore a pink dress and a small crown, and carried a wand with a star at the end at her side. "Password?" she asked, glancing at them as they approached.

"Luma's Sanctuary," Rob said. To the students, he added, "She was a real person once. Her passwords tend to have to do with that."

The picture swung open for them, revealing another corridor behind. The group went up another flight of stairs, with Mario helping Luigi when he accidentally stumbled, and the corridor eventually opened up into a round room filled with couches and chairs. Rob directed the boys up a flight of stairs opposite them, while the girls went up some stairs on the left. At the top of the stairs were seven doorways leading to different rooms. Mario, Link, Luigi, and two other boys went through the one marked, _noobs. _Inside were five beds ready for them, with their carry-on from the Great Fox waiting for them. Too tired for any talk, they pulled on their pajamas and got ready to go to sleep.

Mario lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. For a moment, he thought that Link was trying to say something to him about Oreo, but it didn't register before sleep claimed him.

_XXXX_

*Sorry to anyone who wanted a song from this part, but I am not a good poet. At all.

Well, that's all for now. A couple parts got cut for time, sorry if anyone's disappointed

with that. Also, apologizing again for the long gap, but the first couple times I typed this chapter, I wasn't satisfied, and by the time I was, my computer generously died out on me and deleted everything I'd written. (Again, thanks, Microsoft.) In other news, Jioplip guessed the 'g-dub' reference from Twisted Lane. Indeed, it was from There Will Be Brawl. Congratulations. Well, this has been dragged out a bit too long, so... Please R&R, constructive criticism is great, flames aren't any good, Gamer4 out.


	10. The Master of PowerUps

Gamer4 in. Nothing.

Disclaimer: ...

Chapter X

The Master Of Power-Ups

"He's over there."

"Where?"

"There."

"Oh, the kid in green?"

"No, next to him."

"The kid in the green overalls?"

"No. You see where you're looking?"

"Yeah..."

"Not there. The kid in _red."_

"Oh, him?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

The next day, whispers like this followed Mario around almost from the moment he left the dorms. People were going out of their way to get a good look at him. He wished they wouldn't: it was already hard enough to find his way around the massive house.

There were thirty-three floors in the mansion, not counting the dungeons, basement, and roof. There were five times as many staircases, several of which seemed to, by sheer design, want to mess with the students as much as possible. Either they led somewhere else on certain days of the week, or switched around at inconvenient times, or had steps at random heights above the previous one. Mario had, before his first day of attending classes, actually seen a couple leave their floors and move somewhere else entirely, and gone up a couple that had fake stairs that you had to jump over. This was without many of the doors that were around the place. Only a few of the non-classroom doors were as straightforward as opening them and going through. There were some that had passwords, some that asked questions, some that you had to ask politely, some you had to touch in the right places, or find a nearby key for, and there were walls pretending to be doors, as well as doors that pretended to be walls. Lord help the poor suckers who were charged with memorizing the whole place: everything moved around so much that Mario felt he'd have been there for several years before he remembered exactly where he was going.

Sometimes the ghosts could help. Pit and Rauru, the two ghosts the first years had run into on day one, were fairly benevolent, and were happy to help lost students, but ghosts could often mess students up unintentionally, if just by coming through a door that they were trying to get through. And if the ghost that came through was The Boo, you were better off running away and trying to find another way.

The Boo was the strange ghost that Mario had seen harassing the other group of students on the first night. He was a strange breed of ghost called the boos, but at the mansion, he was only called The Boo. The only being in the mansion who could control him was the Sierra ghost, who resembled a skeleton in golden armor who was the most ominous looking thing in the place. If Mario had to guess, he'd say The Boo was scared of him. But if you were a student, he was worth two fake staircases and a door that only opened at the right time if you ran into him at any time, but especially if you were late for anything. He would drop or throw stuff at you or pull things you were standing on out from under your feet, or swoop through a wall wearing a nightmare face, and seemed to come up with more and more imaginative ways of tormenting the general populace.

If it was possible to be worse than The Boo, it was achieved by Mido the caretaker. Mido was punishment-obsessed, often offering disproportionate retribution for such horrible crimes as dirtying the air while breathing. Mario and Link, lucky as they were, managed to anger him on the first day. They had been trying to force themselves through a door that happened to be the forbidden third-floor door. He had appeared and been threatening to suspend them from the top of the mansion by their thumbs before they were rescued by a passing Mewtwo.

Then there was Mido's cat, Louise, who, despite being a cat, had a permanent look of disdain on her face, except when looking on Mido himself. She seemed to be on an eternal patrol of the mansion, and if the smallest rule was broken in her presence, she seemed to teleport away, and would reappear, often within a few seconds, with Mido behind her. The only people in the house who knew the mansion's passages (secret or otherwise) better than these two were Kirby and Meta Knight Faron, which seemed to be the cause of their sudden appearances. They were generally hated even more than The Boo himself.

Aside from all this, there were the classes themselves.

During his first week, Mario discovered some of the finer points of the world of smashers. The night skies had to be studied with special telescopes that went beyond Earth's solar system, to more distant skies such as Corneria, Tallon, and Aether, as well as their own solar systems. They had three classes where they studied plants in the Greenhouses with a woman named Daisy, head of Hal. This was actually more interesting than it seemed at first.

Easily the second-worst class Mario had that week was History of Smashing. This class was taught by a ghost named Professor Andonuts, who some people said hadn't even realized that he'd passed away. Mario wasn't sure about this; _he _sure as heck would have noticed getting mauled by a bear. Or getting eaten by a giant squid. Or anything really, there were over 9000 theories as to how he'd died. No matter how it had happened, he was easily the most boring teacher Mario had ever had. His classes were endless lectures, and no matter what he may have done in life, he now routinely put students to sleep with a voice like an old vacuum cleaner. On the rare occasions that students woke up aside from the bell, it was only long enough to copy down a random name or date before their head hit the desk again. If Andonuts cared, he never gave any sign of it. Years later, Mario could never recall if the teacher had even looked up from his book- well, he wouldn't anyways, having spent the time knocked out in his chair.

Meanwhile, there was Pikachu, head of Retro, who taught them about the various weapons in the world of the smashers. Pikachu was a pokemon, like Mewtwo, and thus didn't need a power controller. He looked like a short, yellow mouse with a lightning bolt tail. First class, he took a roll call, and gave some visual signs of excitement, namely, falling off of he desk as he stood on it, upon reaching Mario's name.

Then there was Samus. Samus, it transpired, was head of Nintendo, and Mario had her for two classes: homeroom, where she taught her individual students to recognize and control their individual special abilities, and which was the only class they had every day, and a class where she taught them about various branches of transformation, of which there seemed to be many in the world of the smashers. In the first homeroom of Nintendo, Zelda was the only one who, at the end of the class, knew her own special ability. It was only slightly reassuring that Samus told them that they would most likely know their own by the end of the year. In her first transformation class, she gave them special ice that couldn't be melted, and told them to attempt to make it into ice that could be melted. Even with Samus's help, Zelda was the only one who managed to alter her ice at all: by class's end, she had a jar of water to hand in, while Mario and Link had only succeeded in turning theirs red. Samus, impressed twice in one day, had given Zelda a smile- a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Naturally, everyone had been looking forward to protection from the evils, but it turned out that Dedede was mostly talk. The students had expected a lot from a smasher who had a hammer with multiple functions for a power controller, but it was pretty clear a couple minutes in that he had only the slightest idea what he was talking about. Most of what they found out was through the text book, with Dedede offering what little help he could while attempting to remain smug.

Mario was glad to discover that he wasn't behind, except maybe in the case of Zelda Hyrule. There were several other students raised by muggles, and even some who hadn't realized that they were smashers until the school invited them. Even aside from that, even those raised among smashers like Link and Luigi didn't have much of a headstart.

It was Friday before Mario and Link finally managed to get down to the dining hall without getting lost. Here picks up the story.

"What's next today?" Mario asked, reaching for some toast to go with his cereal.

"Power-up study with the Sierras," Link said, glancing at his schedule. "Wolf's head of their group. I wonder if it's true that he favors them?"

"I don't know, but it would definitely be a bonus if Samus favored us," Mario said, starting in on his breakfast. Samus was just as unforgiving towards the Nintendos as to everyone else.

It was at this time that the mail arrived. Mario hadn't received anything from the mail so far aside from a great shock when the albatrosses had first arrived on the first day. Parakarry had dropped in on him once or twice, but that was about it. And so it came to be that he received a bit more shock when Parakarry flew in through the window, dropped a letter lightly on his toast, and landed next to him. Mario gently stroked him as he opened it and read:

_To Marios:_

_Iz know you gots teh afternoon off tonight. How about a cup of soda over heres wit me about 3:33? Iz want teh check in on yous after da first week. Answer wit Parakarry._

_Crazy Hands._

Link lent Mario a pen to write _I'm there _before sending Parakarry off.

In hindsight, it was lucky that Mario had this much to look forward to, given what happened in power-ups class.

The study of power-ups took place in the mansion's basement. It was dark, and the only room that didn't have that light that left you wondering where it came from: the basement was lit by torches. It being the basement level, there weren't even any windows. It was like Wolf was intentionally trying to scare his students in his private horror show, and it was much creepier than it honestly should have been, even without the various 'experiments' in jars that the anthro had on shelves around his room- unidentifiable blobs that looked like they might have once been alive inside various colors of Lord-alone-knows-what.

When Mario and Link initially arrived, Wolf was nowhere to be seen. The room was set so that two students sat at each desk: they sat down with Zelda (on her own) on one side, while Luigi and Diddy Kong, another Nintendo noob, sat on the other. After a couple minutes, Wolf entered the room. He had a look Mario recognized from the Smiths', a look of someone who was holding something back until the right moment.

He opened the class the way Pikachu did, by taking a roll call. He also stopped at Mario's name. "Ah, Mr. Mario," he said, spitting the words out like he had a nasty taste in his mouth. "Our... celebrity." He moved on and, for a bit, made no mention of him.

"Now," he said, once he had finished, "You are here to learn the truth behind power-ups. As your Power Controllers are largely useless in this field, I wouldn't doubt that many of you mistaking this for being a muggle art. You must dismiss this idea!" He said, suddenly shouting. "You are here to learn the beauty of items that can heal you at the end of need! The power of multicolored spheres that can hold powerful animals inside of them! Potions that can bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses! In this class, you will learn how to bottle anything, brew potions, and even, if you're not the weak-willed spaghetti-armed punks that I had to teach in previous years, come back constantly from something that should have destroyed you utterly! And though you won't use your Controllers except in very rare occasions, this is just as much smashing as creating ice barriers that can't be broken or melted, or making keys that fly! And if you aren't focused, or if you are under the impression that this isn't smashing, than you might as well leave now and never come back!"

For a moment or two after this, everyone stared in stunned silence at each other. Zelda seemed eager to get started and prove that she wasn't a weak-willed, spaghetti-armed punk.

Suddenly, Wolf rounded on Mario. "Mario!" he shouted. "What would I get if I mixed an Ultra Mushroom with a jar of Jamming Jelly?"

"What?" Mario asked, not comprehending, as Zelda's hand shot up next to him.

"What would I get if I mixed an Ultra Mushroom with a jar of Jamming Jelly?"

Mario didn't want to look stupid, but he didn't know what Ultra Mushrooms or Jamming Jelly were. "I don't know," he said, bracing himself.

"I thought not," Wolf said. "Let's try again, shall we? Where would you look if I told you to find me some blue chu jelly?"

Zelda stretched her hand as high as she could without removing it from its socket. Mario tried not to look over at where Bowser, Ganondorf, and Wario were sitting at the opposite end of the room. "I don't know," he confessed.

"What improves a varia suit over a normal power suit?"

"I don't know," Mario said, as Zelda jumped out of her seat and stretched her hand towards the sky. "It looks like Zelda might, though. Try her, why don't you?"

There was a bit of laughter from the Nintendoes at this. Mario caught a wink from Diddy. Wolf, on the other hand, was not amused. "Sit down," he said, looking at her. He then turned back to Mario. "For the answers to these most _basic-" _he put emphasis on that word, "- power-ups facts, a mixed Ultra Mushroom and Jamming Jelly make an item known as a Jelly Ultra, which restores vitality and relieves the one eating it of certain types of wounds. Blue chu jelly is taken from a creature known as a chu-chu, and the jelly of the rare blue variety can cure most poisons and heal most injuries. As for the varia suit, it is simply an add-on to the normal power suit, which will make the wearer impervious to heat, unless standing in magma, which nothing can repel." Wolf closed his eyes for a moment, then spoke up again. "I'm glad to see that you're _all writing that down."_

Everyone quickly took out their notebooks and pens and started writing down what he'd said. Wolf spoke up over all this. "And Nintendoes, take into account your lost point for Mario's little slight." Mario couldn't tell for sure, but he was pretty sure that Wolf was using his last name.

Mario hoped, for a little bit of that class, that Wolf was one of those teachers who seemed bad at first, but got better as time wore on. This was proven not to be the case. Wolf started putting them together to make and successfully use a basic power-up that temporarily increased the recipient's power, vitality, stamina, etc. above what they normally could do. In itself, this wasn't particularly bad. It wasn't particularly good that he started criticizing all of the Nintendoes' work as the class went on, while giving great praise especially towards Bowser, but that wasn't truly bad either- Mario had had worse teachers, at least. No, what really showed what this class was going to be like was when there was loud noise next to Mario and Link, and they looked over to see a cloud of gas erupting from that point, with Diddy jumping away from it. With means that no one could discover currently, Luigi had detonated the power-up he and Diddy had been working on, and within moments, Wolf was evacuating the class until the gas was clear. On the outside, they saw that poor Luigi was covered with burns from the explosion.

"You idiot!" Wolf said, shouting. "You put in too much of the powdered pokey venom, didn't you?"

Luigi cowered under Wolf's furious gaze.

"You, monkey!" Wolf shouted, pointing at Diddy. "Get him to the nurse's office!" Diddy had no trouble obeying Wolf's order. Wolf then turned on Mario and Link. "And you! Why didn't you warn him about overdosing? I suppose you thought you'd look better by comparison if he caused that!" He gestured wildly at the gas cloud in the room. "Well, can't let you do that, Mario! Another point from Nintendo." He turned back into the room, where the gas was finally dying down. Mario was about to protest, but Link nudged him before he could open his mouth.

"Be careful," he warned. "I've heard Wolf can get even worse than this."

As, an hour later, the two of them climbed out and back to the main floors of the mansion, Mario's spirits were trailing on the ground behind him.

"Cheer up," Link said, looking at him. "Kirby and Meta Knight have lost over 9000 points from Wolf before, and they're still going. You mind if I come with you and meet the Crazy Hand?"

And so it came to be that a few minutes before 3:33, the two of them were walking out the mansion's front doors and heading down to Crazy's house at the edge of the Lost Woods. Mario knocked. As soon as he did, they heard a loud bark from inside. The next sound was Crazy, saying, "Gets back, yeh dumb dog! Back!"

The door opened, and there was Crazy, in hand form, holding back a large golden-furred dog, who was currently struggling to jump on the two. "One sec, please," he said. "Back, I saiz!" This he directed at the dog, who he was pulling backwards.

Inside, there was but one room. On opposite sides were a bed and a fireplace. There was a pot on the fire.

"Welcomes!" Crazy said, motioning for them to sit on a couple of chairs on another edge of the room, which they did. As soon as Link sat down, the dog started rubbing around him, licking his feet and finally placing his head in his lap. The dog was obviously not for guarding the place.

"This is Link," Mario said, motioning to him.

"Dat teh sixth Faron, innit?" Crazy asked as he put a few cakes onto a platter and put it on a table. "Dose twin brudders of yours cause more trouble den anyone else togetter."

Crazy's cakes were hard as rocks, but didn't look as good. Nevertheless, the two pretended to enjoy them as they regaled Crazy with their tales up to that point. Crazy's dog, Zoey, was continuing her bid for attention.

The two were happy to hear Crazy refer to Mido as 'An old low-tier.'

"As for dat cat, Louise- well, I like teh introduce her to Zoey sometimes. Zoey just love cats. I not able teh go up to da school witout dat cat following mes around."

Mario was the one to tell Crazy about the Power-ups lesson. Crazy followed Link's example in telling him that Wolf generally didn't like anybody.

"It's just... he seems to outright hate me," Mario said, trying to put the feeling into words.

"Ah, why would he," Crazy said, trying to sound nonchalant, but Mario couldn't help thinking that Crazy wasn't telling the whole truth. "Hey, how Midna doin for herself? Good girl, great wit creatures." Crazy asked suddenly of Link. Mario didn't interrupt as Link started filling the hand in on Midna's work with bosses. Instead, he picked up a newspaper on the desk and started flipping through it. One headline jumped out at him.

**BREAK-IN AT THE NATIONAL BANK OF SMASHERS**

Though investigations are continuing into the break-in at the famed National Bank of Smashers, which occurred on the 7th of July, there is little new evidence that has come to light. Aside from previous evidence from an assister of the thief in question, the only evidence seems to be the rumors that the break-in was the work of dark smashers.

Not helping these rumors is that one of the main assistants in the crime was one of the goombas that works at the famed bank, who, upon questioning, insisted that he only remembered being attacked from behind, and waking up after the intruder had left. The goomba, however, has been proven to have assisted in the crime, and has been suspended until further notice.

The other goombas of the bank insist that nothing was taken. Indeed, evidence has come to light that the targeted vault had been emptied earlier that day, aside from a chest that the thief, for some reason, had no interest in.

"The contents of that vault were top-secret," said a representative from the bank this afternoon. "We won't tell you what's in there, so if you know what's good for you, keep out of it. What was in there is not to be meddled in. It should be enough that it's currently safe."

Mario flashed back to the ride to the Smash Bros. on the Great Fox, when Link had told him about a break-in at the bank, but he hadn't mentioned the 7th of July, Mario's own birthday. "Crazy!" Mario said, looking up. "Did you read about this break-in? It happened on the day we were at Twisted Lane! It might even have happened while we were there!"

No doubt about it, the insane hand was definitely avoiding this subject. He quickly offered them some more cakes and hastened to change the subject. Mario read through the article again. _Emptied earlier that day, _he thought, turning it over in his mind. Crazy had taken that _**mysterious thing **_out of the bank. It was pretty clearly top-secret and important- or at least, that's what Crazy's attitude towards it had implied.

An hour or so later, Mario and Link headed back to the mansion, still carrying some of Crazy's cakes, not having wanted to hurt the hand's feelings by refusing. Mario felt that none of his classes so far, not even Wolf's, had given him as much to think about as that visit. Had Crazy collected that package just in time? Where was it now? Was there something about Wolf Crazy was avoiding?

_XXXX_

And thus ends that chapter. Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad, Gamer4 out.


	11. The Midnight Melee

Gamer4 in. Okay, I actually have something to say this time. I've noticed that a couple of

people reviewing this story or messaging me have suggested that this story go beyond just the first book, and possibly through the whole series. So my question is, do you really think I could pull something like that off? Because it actually sounds interesting...

Disclaimer: Hands up, all of you who still believe that I own Harry Potter or Smash Bros. All I own is a copy of all the books and games (Melee started working again. I'm so happy...)

Chapter XI

The Midnight Melee

If there was one thing that never changed, it was that there were problems everywhere on Earth. Famine, war, hatred, plague, greed, and Earthbound costing anywhere from 100 to 5000 dollars. But currently, at the Smash Bros., Mario was being faced with more immediate problems. Namely, an upcoming kart-driving lesson.

Never before had Mario even considered the possibility of meeting a kid he hated more than Bill Smith, but he had to admit that even Bill had met his match in Bowser Dragmire. The turtle had an ego to dwarf even Dedede's, and constantly spent any time he could sneering at Mario and Link. However, Mario didn't usually have to put up with him outside of Power-up class. And so it came to be that he gave an inward groan when a notice went up in the Nintendo hub announcing that the first unit of gym class was coming up: kart-driving- with the Sierras.

"Fantastic," Mario muttered. "I always wanted to make an idiot of myself on a kart in front of Bowser." He'd really been looking forward to kart-driving.

"Who said you'd make a fool of yourself?" Link asked, seeing the notice. "You might be good. Anyways, the only person we ever heard talk about how great Bowser is at smash-up is himself, and I doubt he'd admit it if he sucked."

It was true that Bowser was often heard talking about driving in karts. However, he wasn't alone in this particular respect. True to what Crazy had told him all the way back in Twisted lane, Mario could see that there were few students at the school who weren't into karts or Smash-Up. The person he knew who came closest to it was Ness, another boy who shared Mario and Link's dorm, who had already gotten into an argument with Link about Smash-Up vs. Baseball. Link had referred to baseball as being about as exciting as watching paint dry, and Mario had once seen him shaking his head in disdain at Ness's poster of the Seattle Mariners. However, despite his fondness for baseball, even Ness was looking forward to the upcoming lesson.

Luigi, however, was another matter altogether. His grandmother had never let him near a kart growing up, and Mario, though he would never say it to Luigi's face, thought she had a point; Luigi seemed to have enough accidents on two feet.

Zelda was almost, though not quite, as scared about it as Luigi was. This wasn't something that could be learned from a textbook- though, being Zelda, she'd tried anyways. At breakfast on the day of the kart-driving lesson, she began lecturing everyone near her at the Nintendo table with tips she'd gotten from a book called _The Legacy of Smash -Up, _and was exciting enough to make Professor Andonuts look like J. K. Rowling. Only Luigi showed any interest at all, clinging on to everything she said for dear life, but everyone else breathed a sigh of relief when she was interrupted by the arrival of the mail.

Mario hadn't been brought anything in the mail since Crazy's invitation, and thus wasn't surprised when Parakary wasn't among the birds flocking in.

A couple seats over, an albatross had landed in front of Luigi and dropped a package in front of him before flying off. Luigi, looking excited for the first time since Mario had seen him, quickly tore the package open and produced a relatively translucent, perfectly round stone. "What's that?" Ness asked, looking over at Luigi.

"This is a sound stone!" Luigi explained. "You can record things in it, and you can use it to gather your thoughts. Grandma probably thought I could use this to help remember things..."

At about that moment, Bowser, who was walking by the Nintendo table, snatched the stone out of Luigi's hand, and turned to Ganondorf and Wario, smirking slightly.

Mario and Link jumped up immediately, with Link unsheathing his sword and Mario putting his hat on. The two of them had been slightly hoping for an excuse to fight with the turtle, but before anything else happened, Samus, who seemed to be the best of the teachers at spotting trouble, descended on them. "What's going on here?" she asked.

Luigi turned around. "Bowser took my sound stone," he explained.

Bowser grimaced as he dropped the stone on the table again. "Only looking," he said. He probably would have said something more under normal circumstances, but with Samus so near, he didn't dare. He, Ganondorf, and Wario all headed back towards the Sierra table.

XXXX

And so it came to be that, as the last class of the day drew near, Mario, Link, Luigi, and all the other Nintendos headed out of the mansion's front doors and to an open field off to the side, where the kart lesson was to take place. It was a clear, bright day. The Sierras were already standing there, along with a group of karts, ready for the lesson. Once or twice, Mario had heard Kirby and Meta Knight talking about the karts that the school provided, claiming that they were slower than normal karts, and had a tendency to randomly stop moving or slow down, or always drive a little bit to one side. He didn't know if it was true, but if it was, Mario made a mental note to try and get his own kart if he ever got into it.

The teacher, Coach Lakitu, was a strange looking turtle-esque creature with glasses atop a smiling cloud, with a fishing rod dangling over the side. On the cloud, he floated down from the sky, and motioned to the karts. "Well, let's not drag this out," he said. "Choose a kart, and get ready."

Mario and Link chose two karts that were parked near each other. Mario gave it a look-over as he climbed in. It was a pretty simple kart, and he had definitely seen more impressive ones back at twisted lane. The key was already in.

"Well?" Lakitu called out. "Start them up."

The class all reached for the keys and turned them. Mario's roared to life instantly, as did Link's and Bowser's. However, looking around, he noticed that not all of the students were having as much luck: Zelda's seemed unwilling to start, for one. _Maybe karts are slightly sentient, _Mario thought. It made about as much sense as anything else that had happened so far, and the way Luigi was shaking said very clearly that he was scared half to death.

Lakitu went around watching them all. When all the karts were ready, he floated into the center of the group. He reeled in his fishing rod. "Okay," he said. "When this light-" he cast down the line again, with a traffic-light-like thing at the end, "turns green, I want you all to do a lap around that track down there." Here, he pointed to a track that was almost the standard 0-shaped track, except that the top seemed twisted off to the side, placed in a dip in the ground. "Don't go too fast. That can lead to some not-so-nice problems. At the count of three..."

The top light lit, and then the middle...

But Luigi, as nervous and worried of being left behind as he was, had floored it when the middle light had lit, and he shot forward.

"Come back!" Lakitu called out, but Luigi was already shooting down onto the track. It was pretty clear that he was terrified from the way he was steering. As he approached the first turn, he seemed to not be entirely aware of what was going on, and shot out of the dip. The students all watched as Luigi and his kart left the ground and shot into the air. The kart began to twist around until it was upside down, and Luigi fell out and collapsed in a heap on the ground, and Mario thought he could hear a crack coming from his direction. The kart, meanwhile, was still turning, until it landed on the ground, upright, and continued shooting across the ground towards the Lost Woods. Mario had to wonder if it would ever stop, what with no one being behind the wheel.

Lakitu, not leaving his cloud, headed over to Luigi, whose face was as white as the cloud.

"Broken arm," Lakitu muttered. He threw out his fishing pole, which was empty again, and picked Luigi up with it. He then turned to everyone else. "Nobody move while I take him to the nurse. Anyone who is caught driving one will be out of this mansion before you can say 'Smash-Up.'" He used the fishing pole to pull Luigi upright, then allowed him to lean on himself and he began guiding him back to the mansion.

Predictably enough, they'd only been out of earshot for a second or two before Bowser burst into laughter. "What a fail!" he said.

"Shut it, Bowser," said Leaf, one of the Nintendo girls.

"I didn't think even Nintendo would like big-nosed wimps!" said Maria Sheikah, from Sierra.

"Hey, look at this!" Bowser said happily, bent over something in the grass. He straightened up a second later, holding the sound stone up proudly.

"Hand that over, Bowser," Mario said, stepping forward. Suddenly, the whole class seemed to turn to the two of them.

"Let me consider it," Bowser said, tossing it up and catching it. "Hmm... _No!" _

"I said, hand it over!" Mario said. He made a move towards Bowser, but Bowser rushed over and jumped in a kart. In a second, he was steering away on it. He hadn't been lying after all: he could drive well. After steering a fair distance away, he swerved around and came to a stop.

"If you want it, come and get it!"

Mario jumped into a kart, and reached for the key. "No!" Zelda shouted, moving forward. "Didn't you hear Coach Lakitu? You'll get us all into trouble. Besides, you don't even know how to drive!"

Not paying any attention, Mario turned the key and pushed down the gas pedal. "What an idiot," Zelda sighed as he shot off.

Mario's heart gave a jolt as he shot forward, wind shooting through his hair, as he realized that he'd finally found something in the smasher world that he could do. This wasn't hard, this was the easiest thing he'd tried at the mansion, and, hands down, the best. Bowser turned and shot off again, going down the hill near the track. Mario shot off after him, following all his turns and keeping pressure on the gas pedal. Bowser whirled around, clearly expecting to have left him behind, only to give some sort of noise out of panic and shoot off to the side when he saw Mario hurtling towards him. Mario brought his kart about and faced Bowser again, and saw, to a bit of satisfaction, that Bowser was looking stunned.

"Hand it over or I'll knock you out of your kart!" Mario called.

"Is that right?" Bowser said, sneering despite being clearly worried. "Then have it your way!" He then drew back his arm and tossed the sound stone as high and far as he could.

Mario saw the sphere rise and fall. Suddenly, it seemed like the world had slowed down to half of its normal speed. He shot off towards it, pushing the gas to the floor, reached out his arm, and, without slowing down, caught the ball in the palm of his hand. He spun the kart around and shot off again, heading back towards the class. He slammed on the brakes as he approached them, and the kart instantly started slowing down, until he arrived near them and clambered out.

"_MARIO MARIO!" _shouted a voice.

Mario's heart plummeted faster than he'd just been driving. Samus was running across the field towards the class, with an ominous look on her face.

"Never, ever, _ever, _in all the time I've worked at this mansion-"

"But, Samus-"

"Not now, Leaf!"

"It was Bowser, he-"

"Quiet, Faron! Follow me, Mario."

Wondering vaguely whether she was referring to him by his first or last name, but not particularly caring, Mario dully trudged after her, trying to avoid looking at Bowser and his cronies. He wanted to try and defend itself, but his voice didn't seem to share the ambition. He'd done it now. He knew he was out. Soon, he'd be back in front of the Smiths' door. He wondered what they would say, but tried to push that thought from his head.

They went inside and began climbing stairs. Samus didn't speak at all as she led him along. Maybe she was taking him to the Master Hand. The best path he could see at this point was being allowed to stay on as Crazy's assistant.

However, Samus stopped outside an ordinary classroom. She opened the door on a Protection from the Evils class. "Excuse me, Dedede."

"Yeah?" Dedede asked, looking up from where he was sitting at the head of the room.

"I need to borrow Falcon for a moment."

Falcon? Mario wondered what this was about.

As it happened, 'Falcon' was a student, a fifth-year wearing a helmet with a visor that looked slightly confused as Dedede motioned for him to go.

"Follow me," Samus said simply, and led them up a couple more flights of stairs, with Falcon glancing curiously at Mario every now and again.

Finally, Samus opened the door of another classroom and motioned them through. Inside, it was empty aside from The Boo, who was busy putting up posters of himself everywhere. "Get out, Boo," Samus demanded. The Boo tossed the rest of his posters into the air and shot out through a wall. Samus then turned to face the two students.

"Mario, this is Douglas Falcon," Samus said. "Falcon, I believe that you have yet again contacted me about a lack of satisfactory applicants for the position of seeker* yet again. I've just found you one."

Though his visor made it hard to tell exactly, it seemed that Falcon perked up at hearing this news. "Are you serious?"

"Indeed," Samus said. "He's a natural. The last time I saw anything close to what this boy did was back when Midna was on the team. Wasn't that your first time on a kart, Mario?"

Mario nodded mutely. Whatever was going on, it looked like he might stay in school after all.

"He caught a flying sound stone in his hand while flooring the kart. He didn't even slow down. Forget what I said, even Midna couldn't have done it."

Falcon looked like Christmas had come early. "Ever see a game of Smash-Up?" he asked excitedly of Mario. Mario shook his head bewilderedly.

"Falcon's captain of the Nintendo Smash-Up team," Samus elaborated.

"He's about the right weight class for a seeker, now I think about it," Falcon said, walking around Mario like he wanted to observe him from all angles. "If you're too light, you can get knocked over too easily, and the heavier players tend to be the slowest, but if you can get just in the middle... He'd need a good kart, too. Something like a Flame Runner, or a Dragster."

"He tends to get a little enthusiastic when it comes to Smash-Up," Samus said drily to Mario. A little louder, she added to Falcon, "I'll speak to the Master Hand about bending the rule about Noobs regarding Smash-Up. I couldn't look Wolf O'Donnel in the face for weeks after that last match against Sierra." Here, she turned back to Mario. "I want to hear you're training hard, Mario, or I may change my mind about punishing you." Then, suddenly brightening a bit, she said, "Jake would have been proud of you today. He was a bit of a Smash-Up player himself." Here, she left.

"Well," Falcon said, "meet me at the Smash-Up field this Saturday. I'll have to show you the ropes, and you'll have to show me your moves." Hereupon, he left Mario as well.

XXXX

"You're joking, right? This is a joke."

Such was Link's reaction at dinner when Mario filled him in on what had transpired after he'd left with Samus.

"Seeker?" he said, gawking with a piece of forgotten pie halfway to his mouth. "_Seeker? _Noobs _never _make the Smash-Up team! You must be the youngest player in-"

"-A century, according to Falcon," Mario said, shoveling food into his mouth, particularly hungry after all that excitement. "I'm starting training this weekend. Don't tell anyone, okay? Falcon wants to keep it a secret."

It was at about this time that Kirby and Meta Knight walked into the hall, and, on spotting Mario, rushed over. "Nice one," Meta Knight said in a low, quiet voice. "Falcon just told us the news. We're on the team too- Brawlers."

"Oh, I can't wait to win the Smash-Up trophy this year," Kirby put in. "We haven't won since Midna left, but it's gonna be epic this year. Judging by Falcon's skipping, you must be pretty good."

"Anyways, we've got to head out, Adeliene says she's found another secret way out of the mansion."

"It's probably that one to the candy store we found back in first year. See you two."

No sooner had the Faron twins vanished than a much less welcome group turned up.

"Enjoying your last meal?" Bowser said, flanked, as ever, by Ganondorf and Wario. "I'd guess you'd be back on the way to the muggles soon."

"You're a lot braver with those two with you," Mario calmly retorted.

"I could take you out any time I wanted on my own," Bowser said. Suddenly, he looked like an idea had occurred to him. "Heck, we could even go at it tonight, if you wanted. Smasher Melee. Though, you've probably never heard of a Melee before."

"Of course he has," Link said, standing up. "I'm his partner, who's yours?"

For a second, Bowser looked at his cronies, comparing them. "Ganon," he finally decided. "Is midnight all right, or are you scared of breaking the rules? We'll be in the trophy room, it's always unlocked."

When Bowser left, Mario and Link turned to each other. "So what _is _a Melee?" Mario asked. "And what's with you being my partner?"

"A Melee is a fight between two smashers," Link said. "A partner is, well, your partner." Here, he finally turned to his pie. "Don't worry," he added, catching the look on Mario's face. "There's only major damage in big-class melees, with real smashers. Neither of you will be able to do any real damage to each other yet. Besides, he probably expected you to turn him down anyways."

"Excuse me," a random voice said.

The two turned up to see Zelda Hyrule standing there.

"Can't a person eat in this place?" Link asked.

"I couldn't help overhearing you and Bowser-" Zelda started, ignoring Link.

"Sure you couldn't," Link muttered under his breath.

"And you can't go wandering around at night. Think of the points Nintendo could lose over your thing with Bowser! It's really selfish of you."

"And, really, it's none of your business," Mario said.

"Good-bye," Link said, motioning away.

XXXX

Although, no matter what the two said, it wasn't a great end to the day. Mario wasn't exactly calm as, much later, he lay awake listening to Diddy and Ness sleeping without any troubles. (Luigi hadn't gotten back from the nurse yet.) Link had spent the evening giving him unhelpful advice, and he himself seemed to be uncomfortably aware of the advice's complete lack of usefulness. They were certain to be caught by Mido or Louise, or jumped by the Boo, who would no doubt attract one of the former. Even Mario felt like he was pushing his luck, but he couldn't back down now.

"11:30," said Link's voice, coming quietly through the darkness. "We should go."

They pulled on their bathrobes picked up their controllers (Link's in a sheath), crept across the room, and climbed down the staircase into the Nintendo hub. There were a few weakly burning coals in the fireplace, throwing creepy shadows onto the walls. They were about to climb through the painting into the main mansion when another voice spoke through the darkness. "I can't believe you two are really going to do this."

A lamp went on. Sitting in the nearest chair was Zelda Hyrule, wearing her own bathrobe and a frown.

"What are you doing here?" Link demanded angrily.

"I almost told Rob," Zelda said, equally angry. "He'd have been able to stop you."

"Come on," Mario said to Link, feeling exasperated. His exasperation only grew as the two of them opened the portrait like a door and stepped through, and Zelda followed them.

"Do you care about Nintendo at all? Do you only care about yourselves? I know _I _don't want Sierra to win the Smash Bros. Cup, and you'll lose all the points I got from Samus-"

"Go away," Link said, cutting across her ranting.

"Okay, but remember what I said on the Great Fox tomorrow, you-"

Whatever she was going to call them, she never did. She'd turned to return to the Nintendo hub and found that Rosalina, the woman who controlled the painting, absent from it. She was locked out.

"Now what?" she asked, trying to keep herself from screaming.

"Your problem," Link said. "We're heading out, or we're going to be late."

"I'm coming with you," Zelda said, catching up with them as the headed down a corridor.

"No, you're not," Mario said.

"It's either come with you two and probably get caught, or stay back there and definitely get caught. If Mido catches us, I'll tell him the truth, about me trying to stop you, and you can back me up."

"You've got a lot of-" Link started loudly.

"Shut it!" Mario said. "I heard something."

"Louise?" Link thought out loud, trying to see through as much of the dark as he could.

As it happened, it wasn't Louise, but Luigi, curled up on the floor, fast asleep. As they came nearer, he suddenly jerked awake.

"Oh, thank the lord that you found me!" he said, standing up immediately. "I've been out here for hours, I forgot the password!"

"Quiet, Luigi," Zelda said. "The password's 'Starship' but it's worthless now, Rosalina is off visiting somewhere else!"

"How's your arm?" Mario asked him.

"Great," Luigi said, showing it to them. "The nurse fixed it up in about 3 minutes."

"Awesome," Mario said. "Well, we've got to be somewhere. See you later..."

"Don't leave me!" Luigi said, suddenly panicking. "The Sierra Shade's been past twice already, I don't want to stay here alone!"

Link looked at his watch, then glared at Zelda and Luigi. "If you get us caught, I won't rest until I learn that curse Dedede told us about and use it on you."

Zelda opened her mouth, but Mario cut her off, hissing at her to be quiet, and he began leading them down the hall.

They went down several corridors quickly and quietly, trying to avoid moonlight whenever possible. Mario kept expecting to run into Mido, Louise, or the Boo, but for a long while, they were lucky. Finally, they crept down a final staircase and turned into the trophy room.

Neither Bowser nor Ganondorf were there yet. All sorts of trophies were on the shelves of the room, and they had to be careful not to knock anything over. Mario put his hat on nervously in case Bowser jumped in and started immediately. Time crept by, then more... then more...

Checking his watch, Link looked up. "15 past midnight, maybe he chickened out."

Suddenly, a voice spoke out in the hallway, and it wasn't Bowser's.

"Find them, Louise, they might be lurking in the corners, but they can't have gotten far."

That was Mido. Horror-struck, Mario waved frantically at the other three to follow him. They quietly hurried to the other door. No sooner had the last bathrobe turned the corner than Mido entered with Louise.

"I know you're in here," came Mido's voice. "You can't hide from me!"

Mario motioned to the others again, and they began to nervously creep down another corridor, filled with suits of armor. As they heard Mido drawing nearer, Luigi let out a noise of fright and broke into a run. He stumbled, grabbed Link in an attempt to stop himself from falling, and the two fell into one of the suits of armor, which knocked down the one next to it, which knocked down the one next to it...

"RUN FOR IT!" Mario shouted, and they began sprinting down the hall, not looking back to check whether Mido was on their tail or not. They shot up and down staircases, through a couple of randomly-found secret corridors, and finally down a long hidden slide behind a tapestry that came out near Pikachu's classroom, which they all knew was a long ways away from the trophy room.

"I think we've lost him," Mario gasped, collapsing on a wall, taking off his hat, and wiping his brow. Luigi was bent double, wheezing for air.

"I- told- you- so," Zelda gasped, winded enough to, for once, not say anything beyond a few words. "I- told- you- so."

"We've got to get back to the hub," Link said, looking around.

"Bowser tricked you," Zelda said, recovering her breath. "I hope you know that. He was never going to meet you. Bowser must have tipped him off that someone would be in the trophy room. How else would Mido know?"

Mario knew she was probably right, but he wasn't about to tell her. "Let's just go," he panted.

Of course it wouldn't be that simple. They had just started down another hall when a door shot open near them and the Boo shot out. On catching sight of them, he gave a laugh of joy that chilled them to the bone.

"Please, Boo, quiet!" Mario said. "You'll get us thrown out."

"Wandering around at this time of night?" the Boo cackled. "You'll get caught, you know!"

"Not if you don't give us away!"

"I should tell Mido," the Boo said in a saint-like voice, though his eyes, as usual, showed his true, chaos-loving nature. "It's all for your own good."

"Oh, enough of this!" Link snapped, taking a swipe at the Boo. Big mistake.

"NOOBS OUT OF BED!" the Boo shouted. "STUDENTS OUT OF BED DOWN THE MAIN SECOND-FLOOR CORRIDOR!"

The group ran for their lives, under the Boo, up a staircase, and down another corridor, where they slammed into a door- locked, of course.

"This is it!" Link moaned. "We're done for!"

"Move over!" Zelda said suddenly. She moved in front of the door, grabbed Mario's hat, put it on, pointed at the door, muttered a certain word that they couldn't catch, and the door swung open. They quickly shot through it, with Zelda handing the hat back to Mario, whirled around, shut the door, and pressed their ears to it, listening intently.

"Where did they go, Boo?" Mido asked of the spirit.

"Say 'please,' please."

"Don't do this now, Boo, _tell me where they went."_

"I can't say anything if you don't say please!"

"Alright, please!"

"Anything! Told you I wouldn't say anything if you didn't say please!" They heard the Boo swoop away and Mido give chase, shouting angrily.

"What was that?" Link asked of Zelda.

"Super Smash Bros. 64 Instruction Book, chapter 3," Zelda said.

"Never mind," Mario said. "I think we'll be okay now- _what, _Luigi?"

Mario turned and saw, very clearly, what. He was sure he'd somehow entered a nightmare. Nothing that had happened so far could have prepared him for this.

They weren't in a room, as he had initially thought. They were in a corridor. Moreover, they were on the forbidden corridor on the 3rd floor. And they had just discovered why it was forbidden.

They were looking right into one of two sets of eyes on a gigantic, monstrous robot-creature hybrid, wearing armor, and on two wheels with the yin-yang sign on them. One side had a sword as big as himself and Link combined on its head, while the other had a cannon on its own.

Right now, they were looking right at the sword end, with the cannon end twisting around, trying to see them. Mario could tell that the only reason they were still alive was that they'd temporarily taken them by surprise, and that, large as the sword was, they were a little too far away to get whacked by it. But it was getting over its shock, and those wheels looked like they worked just fine.

Mario, trying to keep his eyes on the creature, felt around for the doorknob. He'd rather be punished by Mido than killed by this monstrosity.

The group fell backwards. Mario quickly slammed the door shut, and they barely touched the ground as they raced back up the halls, climbing staircase after staircase. It was lucky that Mido had run off to chase the Boo, with all the noise they were making, but they didn't notice or care at the time- all they wanted to do was put as much distance as humanly possible between themselves and that _thing. _They didn't even think about stopping their flight until they reached Rosalina's portrait.

"Where have all of you been?" she asked, apparently having returned. She was staring at them in their bathrobes and with their sweating faces.

"Forget that, starship, starship!" Mario said frantically, and Rosalina mercifully swung forward. They shot into the hub and collapsed into the armchairs.

It was a few minutes before any of them spoke. Luigi looked borderline-catatonic, and looked like he may never speak again.

Finally, Link broke the silence. "What the heck do they think they're _doing, _keeping that think locked up in a school?"

Zelda was the next to speak, and she had returned to her old attitude.

"Am I the only one who uses my eyes?" she snapped. "Didn't you see what it was standing on?"

"The floor?" Mario suggested, his exasperation coming back. "I wasn't looking there, I was a little preoccupied with its heads!"

"Not the floor! It was standing on a trapdoor! Its obviously guarding something!" Standing up, she glared at them all. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to bed before you come up with some more clever ideas to get us killed, or worse, _expelled." _Here, she stalked up the girls' stairs.

Link stared after her. "No, we don't mind," he said at last. "You'd think we forced her at gunpoint."

Although, Mario thought, as he climbed into bed, Zelda had given him a lot to think about, albeit unintentionally. That monster was guarding something... He thought back to what Crazy had said back in the shack before the trip to Twisted Lane: _"Teh only place possibly safer ish teh Smash Mansion itself! Oh, by teh ways, you know whats foreshadowing is?"_

It seemed that Mario had found out where the package from vault 767 had gone.

_XXXX_

*I'm having a bit of trouble converting Quidditch and broomstick-related stuff. Those chapters may be a bit slower in coming.

Okay, that's all for now. Thanks for all the support you guys are giving me, it means a lot. Please R&R, constructive criticism is embraced, flames are unhelpful, Gamer4 out.


	12. Some Halloween Surprises

Gamer4 in. Sorry if this chapter took a little longer than we may have expected. Like I mentioned last chapter, the Smash-Up stuff is giving me a bit of trouble. I like updating my stories, but if it can't be done right, it won't be updated until it can. Of course, most of you, if not all, probably understand that. Anyways, on with the show.

Disclaimer: I notice that nobody raised their hands last chapter...

Chapter XII

Some Halloween Surprises

Bowser got up the next day, expecting Mario and Link to be gone, and not preparing himself for a surprise such as seeing them sitting in the dining hall, a little tired but completely happy. Yet, sure enough, there they were. It had only taken one night for the two of them to get over the incident the previous night and decide that it had been a great adventure, and even to be keen for another. While they waited for another one to come up, Mario filled Link in about the _**mysterious thing **_that Crazy had gotten from the bank, and they spent some time trying to think what could need a gigantic creature/mech hybrid as a guard.

"I would say that it's either extremely valuable or dangerous," Link said.

"Maybe both," Mario suggested.

But, at the moment, all they really knew was the rough length of the thing, and it didn't seem likely that they could figure out what it was without more information.

Luigi and Zelda, on the other hand, didn't seem to have any interest in the incident at all. Luigi in particular seemed to only care about staying as far away from the corridor as he could. Neither Mario or Link knew exactly how Zelda felt about it, due to the fact that she had flat-out refused to speak to them since the incident. They didn't particularly care about this last. If anything, it was an added bonus, given that they could now avoid her lectures with relative ease. What they really wanted was a way to get back at Bowser. To their joy, this desire was fulfilled about three days later, on Saturday.

It was time for the mail to come, and the albatrosses were flying into the hall as per usual, when Mario looked up and noticed Parakarry soaring in with a small package tied to his leg. He swooped down and dropped it in front of him. On the small package was a letter. It was lucky that he decided to check the letter first, because it read as follows:

DO NOT, REPEAT, DO _NOT, _OPEN THIS AT THE TABLE!

In it is the key to your Flame Runner, but if anyone sees the key, they'll know you have one, and they'll all want one. The Smash Bros. have limited funds. Falcon will meet you at the Smash-Up stadium tonight at 7:00 for your first training session with it. Don't lose the key, if that wasn't obvious already.

_Samus Aran_

Mario made a fairly successful attempt at hiding his glee as he passed the note to Link.

"A Flame Runner!" Link gasped quietly. "That's the best make they have nowadays!"

After they finished breakfast, they left to go upstairs for a quick break before 1st period, but they were intercepted on the stairs by Bowser, Ganondorf, and Wario. Bowser snatched the unopened package from Mario and tore it open, glancing inside.

"The keys to a kart," he said, tossing it from hand to hand with a look of anger and jealousy on his face. "You're done for this time, homy. Noobs aren't allowed to have these."

Link couldn't miss this opportunity.

"It's not just a kart," he said. "It's a _Flame Runner. _That kart you were bragging about, what was it, a Dragster? Nice for showing off, but they aren't _Flame Runners!"_

"What do you know?" Bowser sneered. "You couldn't afford the exhaust pipe. Lord alone knows how your brothers got _their _karts."

Link would probably have jumped on him at this point, if it weren't for Mewtwo's timely appearance, wearing his cap as usual.

_I thought I sensed some anger here. Are you boys arguing? _

"Mario's been sent a kart," Bowser said, shoving the key back at him.

_I heard, _Mewtwo said, glancing at Mario with what could be vaguely described as a smile. _Samus told me about the circumstances. What's the model?_

"Flame Runner," Mario said. "It's even thanks to Bowser that I got it," he added, trying not to laugh at Bowser's look of shock. He'd forgotten about Mewtwo's psychic powers, though.

_You're laughing in your mind, _he said, looking at him. _I guess I'd be laughing, too, if I was young and had gotten that thing. Of course, it's been a while since then..._ For a moment, he looked like he was reminiscing, but he snapped out of it fairly quickly. _Well, get moving, _he thought quickly. _First period's about to start. _

Mario and Link started climbing stairs, and once they thought they were out of earshot of Bowser and Mewtwo, they started laughing.

"I _was _serious," Mario said, as they headed down the corridor for the Nintendo hub. "I wouldn't be on the team now if he hadn't stolen the sound stone..."

"And I guess you think it's a reward for breaking rules, huh?" said a sudden voice. Looking up, they saw Zelda coming from the opposite direction, looking at the key in Mario's hand with a severe look of disapproval.

"I didn't think you were talking to us," Mario said.

"Yeah, don't stop now, it's doing us a world of good," Link put in.

Zelda stalked off, still looking disapproving.

XXXX

And so it came to be that, as 7:00 drew near, Mario headed down to the Smash-Up stadium. Having never been in a Smash-Up stadium before, he didn't know exactly what to expect. When he got there, he saw that the whole stadium was a gigantic circle. Stepping in, he saw seats all around the ring, with a large amount of space inside the enclosure itself. The seats were raised high above the ground, with a clear amount of space leading up to them, with the wall below forming a rounded corner with the ground. Right now, the stadium was just a ring with nothing in it. On opposite ends of the gigantic ring were a group of four hoops set high above the ground, set so that there were two next to each other, with one above and one below. Off to the side of all this, at the edge of the ring, was what he assumed was the Flame Runner. He headed over to it.

It had flames painted on the front, going towards the back. The engine stuck out above the rest of the kart, and there were six exhaust pipes, three on each side, bending towards the back. Even Mario, who knew nothing about karts, thought it looked awesome.

Too eager to try driving again to wait for Falcon, Mario jumped in, put in the key, and took off. It was still awesome. He shot across the stadium, pushing the gas to the floor. He shot up the smooth sides of the ring that led up to the seats, and drove along it briefly before going back to the main ground.

"Hey, Mario, over here!"

Looking over, Mario saw that Falcon had arrived. He brought the kart about and drove towards him, slamming on the brakes just in time.

"Very good," Falcon said, looking satisfied, though his visor made it difficult to tell. "Samus spoke true. Well, tonight I'll be teaching you the rules, and then I want you to join team practice three times a week."

As Mario nodded agreement, Falcon bent over a box he'd brought with him and opened it up. "Okay," he said as he did so, "Now, in Smash-Up, there are seven players a side. Three of them make up the offense. This," he added, coming out of the box with a thing that looked like a soccer ball, "is the main ball, the Smash-Up ball. The players on the offense use the ball to score by tossing them through those hoops." Here, he nodded at the hoops that were at either end of the stadium. "The defense- our team has me for that- guards the hoops. The higher the hoop is, the more they score: 10 for the lowest, 20 for those two in the middle, and 30 for the highest. You with me so far?"

"The offense try to get the Smash-Up ball past the defense and through the hoops to score. The higher hoops score more," Mario recited. Looking into the box, he noticed something. "What are those for?" he asked, pointing to a couple of large steel balls that were strapped into the box.

"Well, I'll show you," Falcon said, sounding like he was bracing himself for something. "You'd better take this," he added, handing him something that looked like some sort of gun. He then bent over and undid the latches holding one of them in.

Immediately, the ball jumped out, and turned. Mario gasped when he saw the thing had a face when it turned to look at them: round eyes that were nearly on opposite sides of the head, and a gigantic mouth with sharp teeth that took up almost a quarter of the sphere. Looking around, Mario saw a chain attached to it, but he only had sight of it for a brief second before the thing turned again and began shooting around the stadium at random. Mario dropped the gun in shock. Eventually, the thing turned and darted towards the two humans. Falcon prepared himself, then jumped behind the sphere as it darted past and grabbed its chain. He reached out and attached the chain to the box, and the sphere seemed to calm down instantly.

"That," Falcon said, guiding the now-docile thing into its place in the box, "is a chain chomp. They're calm when they're in that box, and when their chain is attached to it, but let them free, and they charge around, trying to knock the players out of their karts. That," he added, gesturing at the gun, "is a super scope. They're the only things that can stop a chain chomp from charging. They don't hurt, but if they get hit by it, they tend to turn away from where they were heading. That's the brawlers' job. You in so far?"

"The offense tries to get past the defense with the flyer, the brawlers shoot at the chain chomps to keep them away from their team, and on the other team," Mario said, determined to remember everything. "Um, have the chain chomps ever killed anyone?"

"Not here," Falcon said. "The worst we tend to have is a broken leg or two. But you don't have to worry about them, with Kirby and Meta Knight as our brawlers. They're the best I've seen, the chomps barely ever get a chance to go near our team."

"Now, the last member of the team is the seeker. The seeker is the most important position to fill." Here, he bent back into the large box. As he did so, he said, "Now, I don't want you to worry about the offense, defense, flyer, brawlers, or chain chomps. All I want _you _to worry about-" here, he came out of the box with something clutched in his fist, "-is this."

He opened his hand, and in it was a small, multicolored ball. It was about the size of the sound stone, glowing slightly, and the colors were shifting in a way that was hypnotic to look at. It was imprinted with the Smash Bros. symbol: the circle with a vertical line near the left and a horizontal line near the bottom.

"This is the Smash Ball," Falcon said. "It's the most important thing in the game. In the game, it moves around the stadium faster than the chain chomps, so it's very hard to catch. But it's the seeker's job to catch it before the other one does. The seeker who catches the Smash Ball earns fifty points for their team, and ends the game. This, unfortunately, means that seekers tend to be fouled more often than the players in any other position. The game _only _ends once this is caught, so a game of Smash-Up can go on for a very long time. I think the record is four months.

"Well, that's about it. Any questions?"

Mario shook his head. He knew exactly what he needed to do.

"We're not going to practice with the ball yet," Falcon said. "During a normal match, we use some sort of technology to make the stadium different, like having platforms and ramps or pits and obstacles- I think there's even one that tilts around at random- just stuff to make the game a bit more interesting. We won't be practicing with that either. It only goes on during the matches. So, tonight, we're going to break you in with the stadium like this," he motioned around, "and with these." He pulled out a bag of baseballs.

A few moments later, the two of them were zooming around the stadium, Mario in his Flame Runner, and Falcon in his own kart, a Blue Falcon. Falcon threw the baseballs everywhere, trying to land one away from Mario. Mario didn't miss one.

Pretty soon, it was almost pitch black, and they had to call it good. Falcon looked very happy as they put their karts away and headed back up to the mansion.

"The Smash-Up trophy's ours this year," Falcon said, sounding confident. "You might even turn out better than Midna Faron, and she could have played in the world championships if she hadn't gone off to study bosses."

XXXX

Maybe it was because he was so busy now, what with Smash-Up practice added onto his normal workload, but Mario almost couldn't believe it when he realized that he'd been at the Smash Bros. for almost 2 months. The Mansion was more of a home than Peach Creek could ever hope to be.

As Halloween morning came, the students woke to the smell of baking pumpkin. Even better, it was that day that Pikachu announced that they would be starting work with the boomerang, which they'd all been dying to try since an impressive demonstration by Pikachu himself near the start of the year.

Pikachu started off by dividing the class into pairs. Mario was partnered with Diddy Kong, a relief considering that Luigi (who was eventually paired with Ness) had been trying to catch his eye. Meanwhile, it was hard to tell who was angrier with Link and Zelda's pairing: each other. She had kept to her word and not spoken to either Mario or Link since the arrival of the Flame Runner.

After Pikachu showed them how to do it, (it was all in the wrist, and putting the right amount of power behind it,) and left them to it. It was extremely difficult. The wrist movement (the exactly right swish of the arm and flick of the wrist) was hard to get down exactly, and often Mario and Diddy simply dropped the boomerangs on the floor.

Link, over by Zelda, wasn't having much more luck with their boomerang. He began swinging it harder and harder as he began getting more and more frustrated.

"Hold it!" Zelda snapped at him. "You're going to take someone's eye out! You aren't flicking your wrist the right way, and the toss needs to be longer!"

"You do it then, if you're so good with it!" Link snarled.

Zelda took the boomerang, lifted it, drew back, and tossed it. It flew around the room three times before coming back to her hand.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu called out. Roughly translated, this meant "Brilliant! Amazing! Everyone look here, Ms. Hyrule's done it!"

Diddy, looking frustrated, tossed their boomerang again: not only did it stay airborne, but for a full 33 seconds ricocheted at roughly the speed of sound around the room, with everyone, Pikachu included, diving for cover. Eventually, it returned to Diddy, whereupon it exploded. When the smoke cleared, Diddy was covered with soot, wearing an expression of shock. Pikachu stood up from under his desk, where he'd been hiding.

"We're going to need another boomerang over here, sir," Mario said, looking at the charred remains of the object.

XXXX

By the end of the class, Link's mood hadn't been improved from Zelda's lecture by Pikachu giving most of the class boomerangs to practice with as homework.

"It's no wonder she's got no friends," he said to Mario as they headed to their next class. "She's a nightmare!"

Mario felt someone ram into him as they hurriedly pushed past him, and, on looking, was startled to see Zelda running past- her face in tears.

"She might have heard you," he said to Link.

"So what?" Link said, though he looked uncomfortable. "Maybe she realized no one likes her."

Zelda didn't turn up for the next class, or the next, or the next. Maybe she would have been absent from the next class, but the previous one had been the last of the day. As a matter of fact, neither Mario or Link saw her for the rest of that afternoon. As they headed down to the dining hall for the Halloween feast, they heard Paula and Ruto having a conversation. Paula was saying that she'd heard Zelda crying in the bathroom. Link looked even more uncomfortable at this, but this was before they entered the dining hall, where the Halloween decor put Zelda and the disastrous boomerang lesson out of their minds.

A thousand bats in ties were swooping around the hall at random, making the candles in the intricately-carved jack-o-lanterns stutter. Following the tradition from the start-of-year feast, the food appeared on their plates after the Master Hand had given a quick speech.

Mario had just started on his main course when the doors of the hall swung open dramatically. Standing there was King Dedede. He shot down the hall towards the staff table, a look of terror on his face, and his insanely-large-turban half unraveled. He was shouting "INSANE SNORLAX IN THE DUNGEONS! FREAKING CRAZY SNORLAX IN THE DUNGEON!"

He ran up to Wolf, grabbed hold of the front of his uniform, and shouted in his face: "INSANE SNORLAX IN THE DUNGEONS!"

"Get off me!" Wolf growled, hitting Dedede upside the head with his blaster.

Dedede fell back, with a dazed look on his face, and muttered, "Thought you should know," before collapsing, unconscious.

The dining hall was silent for a moment, and then there was an uproar. The Master Hand had to fire a giant torpedo from his fingers into the opposite wall to quiet everyone down.

"Prefects!" he shouted. "Lead your groups to their hubs! Teachers, follow me to the dungeons!"

This was perfect for Rob.

"Follow me! Stick together! You need not fear insane snorlaxes on my watch!"

Laughter at Rob conflicting with fear from Dedede's announcement, Mario leaned towards Link. "What's a snorlax?"

"It's a less-sentient kind of pokemon," Link said. "They're usually peaceful, but if you see an insane one..." he shuddered slightly. "It takes a lot to set them off, though, they don't just start randomly spazzing out. Maybe it was just the Boo's idea of a Halloween prank."

As they climbed up towards the Nintendo hub, they passed several other groups heading in different directions. As a bunch of Hals passed by, something occurred to Mario, and he suddenly grabbed Link's arm.

"What?"

"I just realized: Zelda doesn't know about the snorlax."

Link glanced towards his brother, biting his lip. Finally, he said, "Okay, fine. But we better not get caught!"

Silently, they turned and joined the Hals going the opposite direction, having overshot the floor where Zelda would be. After a bit, they slid down a deserted hallway, and hurried towards the girl's bathroom they'd heard Zelda was occupying. No sooner had they made the next turn than they heard quick footsteps coming down another corridor.

"Rob!" Link hissed, pulling Mario behind the nearest convenient suit of armor.

Looking around, however, they saw, not Rob, but Wolf. The anthro was hurrying down the corridor. For a brief moment he stopped, glanced over his shoulder like he thought he was being watched, then he turned and continued his quick stride.

"What's _he _doing?" Mario wondered. "Shouldn't he be down in the dungeons with the other teachers?"

"Who knows?" Link muttered.

As quietly and quickly as they could manage, the two of them snuck after Wolf for a bit. Eventually, he turned up a staircase to the third floor.

"What's he doing up there?" Mario wondered.

Link suddenly cut across Mario's thoughts. "What's that down there?" he wondered, pointing to a point ahead where their hall met up with another hall in a T shape. Along the head of the T, a gigantic, round, purple-and-white creature was lumbering towards a doorway. Reaching it, it looked inside, and stepped through.

"The key's in the lock," Mario said, nudging Link. "What do you think?"

"He'd probably break through, but I guess that's about all we _can _do," Link said.

They inched towards the door, hoping desperately that the snorlax didn't change its mind and leave the room. Suddenly, Mario leapt forward and turned the key in the lock.

"_Yeah!" _They both said, punching the air. Cheerful with the victory, the two of them started to run back along the passageway, but just as they reached the next turn, they heard a loud, piercing scream- coming from the door they'd just locked.

"Oh, crud," Link said, turning as pale as a ghost.

"Was that the girls' bathroom?" Mario gasped, turning around.

"_Zelda!" _they both shouted. They whirled around and rushed back to the door. Mario turned the key as quickly as they could, and the door swung open.

On the opposite wall, Zelda was cowering against the wall, and Mario saw why Link hadn't been keen on running into an insane snorlax. It was advancing on her, looking absolutely menacing. It looked like the snorlax had been trashing the room since entering.

Mario jumped towards a fallen pipe and tossed it at the pokemon. It didn't seem to even feel it, but it heard the pipe when it bounced back and hit the ground. It turned to see Mario standing there. It turned its head from Zelda to Mario for a second, then turned on Mario instead.

"Hey, over here!" Link shouted, nervously taking out his sword. The snorlax, hearing the shout, turned, saw Link, and changed targets once again. Mario ran around it, heading for Zelda.

"Come on, run for it!" Mario shouted at her, but she either couldn't or wouldn't run: she was gazing at the snorlax with an expression of pure terror on her face.

All the noise seemed to be driving the snorlax even more insane than usual. It let out a shout of its own name, and turned towards Link, who was backed into a corner with no way out.

Mario, seeing his friend in danger, did something both incredibly brave and awe-inspiringly stupid: he ran forward and jumped at the snorlax. He landed around the thing's neck, and started trying to distract him from Link in any way possible. The snorlax twisted around, trying to get at him. Eventually, it seized hold of one of his legs as they were flying around after a particularly violent twist, and began dangling him upside down. Mario reached out for his hat, but it fell off his head and towards the ground.

Zelda was on the ground at this point. Link, not sure what to do, reached into his backpack and pulled out the first thing he could reach: the boomerang Pikachu had given to him to practice with. Not leaving any time to think, he drew back, seeing his target in the air: a chandelier dangling from the ceiling. He targeted it, swished his arm, and flicked his wrist. The boomerang launched into the air, and soared around at his will: it flew towards the chandelier, cut the chain holding it up, and returned to Link's outstretched hand.

Having been released, the chandelier fell towards the ground below. Conveniently separating the ground and the chandelier was the insane snorlax itself. It crashed down on the creature, and it tumbled to the ground, releasing Mario as it did so.

Mario got unsteadily to his feet, muttering, "_Man, _that's cliche." Link stood there, still with the boomerang drew back, like he was ready to toss it again, staring almost uncomprehending at what he'd done.

Zelda was the first to speak, "Is it... dead?"

Mario looked at it. "No, I don't think so. Probably just K.O.d." He bent down and picked up his hat, covered with dust. Brushing it off, he returned it to his head. "I guess it could have been worse," he said. "My hat could have ended up its nose."

A sudden slamming and sound of footsteps made all three of them look up. Of course, they hadn't thought about it with their lives in danger, but someone was bound to hear all the chaos going on up in the bathroom. A moment later, a group of teachers burst into the room: Samus, Wolf, Mewtwo, and, bringing up the rear, Dedede. Dedede took one look at the snorlax before recoiling to the opposite wall.

As Wolf and Mewtwo inspected the snorlax for signs of life, Samus turned on Mario and Link. Mario hadn't ever seen her so angry. Any possible thoughts he'd had of winning points for Nintendo vanished from his mind.

"What were you thinking?" she said, sounding even angrier than when she'd come to fetch Mario for driving a kart. "You're lucky to be breathing! Why aren't you in your hub?"

Wolf, naturally, turned towards him, giving him a piercing stare. Mario averted his eyes, silently willing Link to drop his boomerang.

Suddenly, another voice spoke up. "Ms. Samus... they were... looking for me."

"Ms. Hyrule?"

Zelda had finally gained her footing. "I heard about the snorlax- well, I guess everybody did- and I thought I could handle it myself. I'd read all about them, and- well..." Here, her voice trailed off.

Link finally dropped the boomerang to the floor out of shock. Zelda Hyrule, telling a lie to a teacher?

"If they hadn't found me, I _wouldn't _be breathing. Mario distracted the snorlax, then Link used a boomerang from Pikachu's class to cut the chain to the chandelier. A little cliche, but there you go. They didn't have time to go and get anyone, it was about to finish me."

Mario and Link tried to act like they had at least heard this story before.

"Well, if that's the case..." Samus said, pausing for a moment. "Ms. Hyrule, that was an extremely stupid thing to do. How could you think of trying to tackle an insane snorlax on your own?"

Zelda bowed her head. Even if Mario had wanted to speak up at that point, he couldn't. This was the same Zelda who had argued endlessly against any kind of rule-breaking since day one, and here she was, saying she had to get them out of trouble. It was like Dedede had admitted his ego.

"5 points from Nintendo for your serious lack of sense in this matter," Samus said. "I'm _extremely _disappointed. If you're not hurt, you'd better head to the Nintendo hub. The Halloween feast is being finished in the hubs."

Zelda left.

Samus rounded on Mario and Link. "And as for you-" they momentarily winced, "- I still say it was lucky, but still, not many noobs can live to truthfully say they took on a fully grown insane snorlax. 5 points to each of you, for having a guardian angel. The Master Hand will have to hear about this to make any final judgements. Dismissed."

The two of them didn't waste any time in hurrying out of the chamber and up through the halls. They didn't even speak until they reached the 33rd floor.

"We should have gotten more than 10 points," Link muttered, finally breaking the silence.

"5, after taking off Zelda's," Mario pointed out.

"Good of her to get us out of trouble, though," Link said, as they headed down the hall to the picture of Rosalina. "Of course, we _did _save her."

"Of course, she might not have needed saving if we hadn't locked her in with the thing," Mario said.

"Should we tell her about that part?"

Mario thought for a moment. "Nah, we should keep that part to ourselves," he finally decided.

They had finally reached Rosalina's picture. "Starship," Link said, giving the password.

The hub was packed and loud. A great amount of food had been sent up from the kitchens. Looking over, they saw Zelda standing off to the side, waiting for them. For a brief awkward moment, they looked at each other. Finally, they all broke the silence at once, muttering a quick, "Thanks," before hurrying to get some food.

And so it came to be that Zelda Hyrule became their friend. Really, on the list of things you can't go through without ending up liking each other, knocking out a large insane pokemon ranks pretty high.

_XXXX_

And finally, that chapter is complete! For a while there, I was afraid I was going to go into another hiatus. That would have been bad. Anyways, please R&R, constructive criticism is wonderful, flames have yet to accomplish anything (except maybe building character, as a certain spiky-haired boy's father would say, thumbs up if you know who I'm talking about), Gamer4 out.


	13. Smash-Up

Gamer4 in. Well, I honestly don't have much to say this time. Really, I don't have anything to say at all. But I'm writing stuff in the author's notes, aren't I? So maybe I _do _have something to say after all. But I just said I didn't. So do I or don't I? A riddle for the ages.

Disclaimer: Really, do I have anything to say? No. At least, not disclaimer-related.

Chapter XIII

Smash-Up

Halloween ended, along with October, and in rolled November. The area around the mansion was covered with frost every morning, the lake was hidden beneath a thick sheet of ice, and Crazy could occasionally be seen going around his duties wearing random giant earmuffs that looked extremely weird when worn by a giant hand. Added to Crazy's usual duties was the duty of keeping the karts of the Smash-Up teams from freezing over: the Smash-Up season had begun, but gym class had long since moved on from karts, eliminating the need for any karts aside from those for Smash-Up.

As was said earlier, the Smash-Up season had finally begun, and Mario would be playing in the first match soon, Nintendo vs. Sierra. Mario was understandably nervous: this was, after all, his first match after several weeks of training, and whichever team won would be the first victory of the season, not hurting their chances of winning the Smash-Up trophy.

For the most part, the only smashers who had seen Mario play thus far was his own team, due to Captain Falcon deciding that he should remain as secret as possible. But, as Mario was starting to discover was common at the Smash Mansion, the info had leaked out somewhere along the line, and in the week leading up to the match, almost everybody at the school seemed to be fully aware that Mario was the Nintendo team's seeker. Mario couldn't decide whether it was worse to have everyone telling him he'd be epic, or people telling him a medic would be on standby.

In any case, it was extremely lucky for him that Zelda was his friend now. She was extremely helpful in finishing all his homework: Captain Falcon was putting them through so much training nowadays in preparation for the match that he'd started falling behind. In addition, it was Zelda who lent him _Legacy of Smash-Up, _which, despite Zelda having made it seem like _101 Jokes for the Hard Sleepers, _turned out to be an interesting read indeed.

Among other things, he learned that there were 1000 ways of committing a foul in the game, all of which had happened during a particularly brutal World Championship Match in 1989, seekers were usually in the medium weight class to balance durability and speed, and the most serious Smash-Up related accidents seemed to happen to them, and even though people rarely died playing Smash-Up, the occasional referee vanished and randomly turned up in China somewhere a week or so later.

Ever since the Snorlax incident, Zelda was much more friendly towards the idea of breaking rules, and was all the better for it.

And so it came to be that, the day before the Smash-Up season's opening match, the three of them were hanging out on the grounds, which were as freezing as ever, when Zelda used her power to conjure a small fire that gave out amounts of heat more appropriate to a bonfire than the candle flame it was, and could be carried around in a jar without decreasing its heat output. They were standing around it, getting warm, when they looked up and saw Wolf stalking across the yard. Mario's eyes fell on his legs, and he saw that Wolf was limping. Wolf, turning, noticed them and started over. The three gathered closer around the fire, sure that it was against the rules (or, if it wasn't, Wolf would make a rule for it to be against.) When he came over, he apparently didn't see the fire, but he seemed to be looking for a reason to punish them anyways.

"What's that, Mario?" he growled.

Mario looked where Wolf was looking. It was _Legacy of Smash-Up. _"Library books aren't to leave the school," Wolf snarled, snatching it from him. "Hand it over. Five points from Nintendo, for being arrogant enough to believe yourself above our rules."

"He made that up," Mario said angrily once Wolf was out of earshot. "What's wrong with his leg, anyways?"

"Who knows? I just hope it's really hurting him," Link grimaced.

XXXX

The hub was extremely crowded that night. The trio were next to a window. Mario and Link were playing extreme poker, a game where the stakes were greatly raised by the possibility of the deck potentially exploding at any moment. Zelda, meanwhile, was checking their power-ups homework for them. She never let them copy, (she hadn't sunk _that _low) but she was willing to check their homework, in which case they got the right answers anyways.

Mario felt more on edge than usual when playing extreme poker. He was nervous about the upcoming game, and wanted _Legacy of Smash-Up _to take his mind off things. Standing, he said, "I'm gonna go try and get _Legacy of Smash-Up _back."

"Your funeral," both of them said.

Thus comforted, Mario set out. He headed for the Teacher's Lounge, hoping that Wolf wouldn't refuse if there were some more fair teachers listening.

Having arrived at the lounge, he knocked on the closed door. Nothing. Just to be sure, he rapped at the door again. Still uneventful.

Mario opened the door, wondering if Wolf might have left the book in there. Looking in, he recoiled slightly at the sight before his eyes.

The only people in there were Wolf and Mido. Wolf had the leg of his uniform pulled up on his injured leg. The leg was both burned and mangled. Mido was helping him bandage the leg up.

"-miserable creature," Wolf was snarling. "How are you supposed to avoid three swords and three guns at the same time?"

Mario began trying to sneak away. Too late.

"MARIO!"

Wolf's voice raised to dangerous levels as he saw Mario standing there, quickly dropping the leg of the uniform over his leg. Mario recoiled: it was suddenly much easier to see the wolf side of the anthro than the human side.

"I was just looking for _Legacy of-"_

"OUT! OUT!"

Mario turned and fled, sprinting up the staircases and corridors.

"You get it?" Link asked Mario once he arrived in the hub. Seeing his sweat, he added, "What happened?"

Whispering, Mario quickly filled them in on what had happened down there.

"Do you knows what this means?" he said, finishing. "He tried to get past the robot thing on Halloween! That's why he was away from everyone else! He wants whatever it's guarding! He's probably even the one who let the snorlax in _and _drove it insane!"

Zelda, eyes wide, interjected: "He can't have! I know he's not exactly the nicest person we know, but he wouldn't try to steal something from the Master Hand!"

"Come on, Zelda, not all teachers are freaking Jesus Christ!" Link said, sounding exasperated. "I'm with Mario, definitely. But what is that thing, anyways?"

Mario went to sleep that night with the same question on his mind. Everyone else in the dorm was having no trouble sawing logs, but Mario couldn't sleep. He knew he had to, with his first Smash-Up match just on the horizon, but he couldn't get the look on Wolf's face out of his head: it looked something like the Insanity Wolf meme from the muggle world.*

XXXX

The next morning dawned bright and early. The dining hall was full of the usual smells of sausage, eggs, pancakes, etc., and the joyful talk of everyone looking forward to the Smash-Up match.

"Eat some breakfasts, will you?" Link was repeating.

"Not hungry."

"Have a pancake or something," Zelda insisted.

"_Not hungry." _

Mario wasn't exactly feeling his best. It was only an hour before he'd be going out into the Smash-Up stadium.

"You'll want to keep your strength up," Diddy warned from a couple seats away. "The seekers are always the ones the other team focuses on."

"I appreciate the confidence boost," Mario said, sinking lower and lower by the second.

XXXX

It didn't take long for the Smash-Up stadium to fill up. Several spectators had binoculars out, so they could be sure to see the match in its entirety.

Link, Luigi, Zelda, Ness, and Diddy all gathered in the stands together. Possibly noticing Mario's nervousness, they'd gotten together earlier and made a banner from one of Link's ruined sheets, even making Oreo's beak-marks into part of it. It said, _Mario For the Win, _and Ness in particular had chipped in and drawn a large Earth around the words.

Backstage, in the locker room, the Nintendo team was suiting up in red uniforms. Eventually, Captain Falcon cleared his throat, and everyone stopped what they were doing.

"All right, people," he said. "This is it."

"The ultimate," Kirby interjected.

"The one we've been preparing for since the year started," Meta Knight put in.

"We know his pep talk word for word," Kirby whispered to Mario. "Being on the team for three years with Falcon as Captain will do that to a person."

"Shut up," Falcon said sharply as he passed them during his pacing. "This is the greatest team this mansion has seen in a while, even since before _I _came here. We're going to win, it's the only possibility." The look he gave them all all-too-clearly said, "Or else." "Okay," he said, picking up the keys to his kart, lying on the table in the center of the room, "let's go." The others grabbed their keys as well, and headed out into the stadium, where the karts were waiting for them. Mario was last in line, hoping to whatever God there might be that he didn't faint.

Coach Lakitu was in the very center of the stadium, which was filled with platforms and ramps that hadn't been there during the Nintendo team's practicing sessions. He was, as ever, on top of his cloud, with a fishing rod dangling over the side with the crate with the smash ball, the Smash-Up ball, and the chain chomps inside. Looking around at everyone as they marched onto the field, he said, "Let's have a clean game here, from _all _of you." Mario thought Lakitu's eyes lingered a bit on the Sierra captain, Vaati. He was relatively short with white skin, and his eyes made Mario shiver slightly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the words, _Mario For the Win _imposed over an Earth, and felt a little braver.

"Start your engines!"

Both teams got in their karts and turned their keys. The karts got started up.

The red light lit...

The yellow...

The green!

All the karts shot off around the stadium.

"And, of course, it is Polyanna Polestar of Nintendo who picks up the Smash-Up ball first- well, I'll just call her Paula for now, she's been on the Nintendo offense for three years now, and isn't all that bad-looking-"

"GATES!"

"Sorry, sorry..."

That was the Faron twins' friend Teddy commentating, with Samus watching him closely.

"And she's shooting along there, and she passes to Kumatora, formerly on Nintendo's reserve team, she climbs a couple ramps, she's trying to pass to Clara**- nope, missed, Sierra in possession, Vaati jumps to ground, he's taking it to the goal- WHOA!"

What Teddy was exclaiming at was Captain Falcon's defensive maneuver: he drove his Blue Falcon up, shouted something that sounded like "FALCON _PUNCH!" _and punched the Smash-Up ball. The thing caught fire and was halfway across the stadium before it even considered slowing down. It was eventually caught by Clara.

"And that's Clara of Nintendo steering across the field with the ball, maneuvers around Sierra's Heckla, and- ouch, that had to hurt, slammed into by a chain chomp, the ball rolls, Heckla catches it- Kirby knocks a chomp in his way- or was that Meta? One of the Farons sends a chomp towards him, he swerves, drops the ball, Kumatora with the ball again, passes to Paula, Paula is going to- no, she tosses to Clara- NINTENDO SCORES!"

There was a great amount of cheering from Nintendo's supporters, while the Sierra supporters quietly groaned.

"Move overs, pleeze... Number A psycho comen true..."

"Crazy!"

Link and Zelda pushed closer together to make room for the insane hand.

"Was at homes, Zoe gets a little sickies, when done wit her, Iz wanted teh comes up to da match, yous can't beats Smash-Up... Teh Smash Ball turn up yet?"

"No," Link said, looking through a Hawkeye at the match. "Mario must be a little bored out there."

"No troubles, though. Dats got teh count for sometin."

Mario was driving around the stadium away from everyone else- or as far away as the insanity would allow- with his eyes darting around for the multicolored sphere. The reasoning- between him and Falcon, of course- was that he should stay out of trouble unless he had to get into it. He was currently steering up onto the higher platforms to get a better vantage point. True enough, the most excitement he'd had so far was a chomp that decided he looked like a nice snack, but he'd outmaneuvered it and Kirby had come by with his scope and fended it off towards Heckla before shooting off again.

Back in real time, Teddy was calling out, "Sierra in possession, Marx steers over two chain chomps, both Farons, and survives Kumatora, he's heading towards Fal- wait, is that the Smash Ball?"

Marx whirled around at the speeding sphere that had just passed his head, giving Kumatora time to snatch the Smash-Up ball from his hands.

Mario brought the Flame Runner about and floored it, shooting off towards the ball. Sierra's seeker, Robotnic, had seen it too. The two of them were right next to each other, coming up on the circle, and only the chain chomps were still doing what they were supposed to be doing, everyone else was focused on the race for the Smash Ball. Mario would go faster, but he was already flooring it... but he was going faster than Robotnic, he was going to get there first...

Suddenly, he let out a shout of shock and turned the wheel almost 360 to avoid crashing into Vaati, who had just tossed himself out in front of him. Luckily, the fall wasn't too far, and he touched down on ground and slammed on the brakes, coming to a full stop.

"Foul!" Nintendo's supporters shouted.

Coach Lakitu didn't seem that happy himself. He pulled Vaati off to the side with the help of his fishing rod, said a few angry words, and gave Nintendo a free shot at the goal.

If Coach Lakitu was angry, it was nothing to Teddy's reaction. "Well, after that disgusting bit of cheating-"

"Gates..." Samus growled.

"Okay, after that revolting, disgraceful-"

"Gates..."

"Okay, okay. Vaati almost kills the Nintendo seeker, Nintendo gets a free penalty, taken by Paula, who has no trouble putting it away, and play returns to normal."

It was a few minutes later that it happened: a chain chomp belted by Mario on one of the highest platforms, and the chomp proceeded to shoot down some ramps, when Mario's kart jerked to the side, almost going over the edge, and dropping him down lord-alone-knows how many feet. He jerked the wheel to the left and the kart leapt closer to the center of the platform.

It happened again, even more violently. What was this all about? Karts weren't supposed to suddenly decide to toss their drivers out, especially not Flame Runners. Mario brought the kart about to face the goal, deciding to ask Falcon to call a time-out, when he realized that the kart had left his control altogether. It turned the opposite direction and began to climb even further up, towards the highest platform. This platform was upwards of 150 feet above the ground, and had railing that could only be broken if you were actively trying.

"What da heck ish Mario doin?" Crazy asked, looking upwards- or they thought he was, at least. "I not know better, I say teh Flame Runner bein driven by someone elsies, but dat not possibles..."

Suddenly, everyone was looking up at where Mario was climbing further and further up. Mario himself was desperately trying to turn the kart around to get to the ground. The kart gained speed every time he tried, until it was going so fast that Mario's body left the kart, leaving him clinging onto the wheel with his body waving around behind. And still the kart was climbing...

"Maybe something happened when Vaati blocked him," Ness suggested.

"Can't have," Crazy said shakily. "Takes big cheese evil smashing teh upsets a kart, no students be doin tat."

Zelda suddenly snatched Link's Hawkeye and began looking around at the crowd. "I knew it," she muttered after a moment's searching. "Look at Wolf, over there!"

Link took the Hawkeye back and glanced at Wolf. His blaster was out and pointing at the kart, and his eyes were focused hardly on him.

"What do we do?"

"Leave it to me," Zelda muttered, and she stood and began pushing her way through the stands. Link, not sure what to do himself, turned the Hawkeye back to the game. The kart was still climbing, getting steadily closer to the top. Kirby and Meta Knight had tried to catch up to him, but the Flame Runner was going too fast: it had broken its speedometer a while back. Instead, the two were staying as close to under him as possible.

"Move faster, Zelda," he moaned quietly.

Zelda was having more trouble negotiating her way through the stands than she'd previously expected to have. The section right before Wolf's was the pokemon stands, which she outright plowed through, fearing running out of time, knocking over almost everyone she passed. She also stopped to, as was the ambition of even the most rule-abiding student who entered the Smash Mansion, pulled Dedede's turban down over his head, leaving him to struggle to pull it up again. Finally, she reached Wolf, bent down behind him, and muttered a couple of choice words. A sphere of fire left her hand and touched Wolf's tail.

It didn't take Wolf long to realize his tail was on fire. He let out a yelp of shock and began trying to stamp on the fire. Satisfied that her job was done, Zelda turned and began making her way back to Link and Crazy.

Back on the field, Mario was able to pull himself back into the kart as it slowed, and floor it again. He turned around, and accidentally fell down a few platforms, and then off of those, streaking towards the ground. After the last few platforms, he fell out of his kart onto solid ground, while the kart began slowing down as it headed across the stadium. Kirby and Meta Knight touched down and were able to discover the cause of Mario suddenly losing all driving ability: something lodged in his throat. They began slamming into his chest with everything they had, until he coughed up a small multicolored sphere, and caught it in his hand.

Holding it up, he shouted, "I got the Smash Ball!"

XXXX

And so it came to be that, a few hours after the match's confused ending, Vaati was still complaining to Coach Lakitu that Mario hadn't truly _caught _the thing. However, it was official, and Mario hadn't really broken any rules: a quick look through _Legacy of Smash-Up _would be enough to conclude that there was no rule determining a specific body part that had to catch the Smash Ball.

Not that Mario heard any of it anyways. He was over at Crazy's, being made a cup of soda. Soda was one thing that Crazy could successfully make. Link and Zelda were there as well, which led to a conversation something like the following:

"Wolf was using his power on your kart," Link was saying. "Zelda and I saw him. He wouldn't take his eyes off you."

"Ah, Wolf no evils," Crazy said. He'd heard nothing of what happened next to him in the stands.

After a moment of silent glances, the three decided to come clean. "We found out something about him," Mario said. "He tried to get past that mech on the third floor on Halloween. The snorlax was a diversion. We think he was trying to steal what it was guarding."

Crazy looked shocked. He was great at expressing emotion, for a disembodied limb. "Howyou know 'bout Duon?"

"_Duon?"_

"Yeah, he mine! Gets him off some Russian guy in da bar last year. Lent him to da Matter Hand to guard da-" he suddenly cut himself off.

"Yes?" Mario asked eagerly.

"Nutting," Crazy said unconvincingly. "It top secret."

"Wolf's trying to steal it, Crazy!"

"Why Wolf try teh steal it? He a teacher here, he wouldn't!"

"Why did he just try to kill Mario?" Zelda countered. Her opinion towards Wolf had greatly changed with the game's events. "I know these things when I see them, you have to make eye contact, and Wolf wasn't even blinking!"

"Wolf not usually blink anyways, he creepy like dat, really," Crazy said. "I not know what go on wit Mario's kart, but Wolf no murderer! Looks, yous meddlin in tings better left alone! It dangerous. It bad. It, overall, no safe. Forget Duon, and what he guardin, dat between teh Master Hand n' Dampe Kakariko!"

"Dampe Kakariko?" Mario asked. "Who's that?"

Crazy looked ready to kick himself, if only he had legs.

_XXXX_

_*_Feel free to check this meme out, but be warned: your innocence will _end. _

**This chapter is dedicated to Clara, a girl at school who recently died in a car crash. R.I.P.

Man, it's been a while since my last update. Since I'm sure you don't really want to hear the reasons, let's just skip to the after-notes. (As of these notes I'm writing now, it's been two or three months since I wrote the ones before the chapter. Yeah.) The only real announcement I have is actually one of the reasons this chapter was so delayed: I'm writing a story. Not a remake, not a novelization, and not a fanfiction: a straight-up, honest-to-whatever-God-you-might-believe-in story. Yeah, seriously. Something I wanted to ask you guys: if you guys came across a non-fanfiction story by me, would you be interested? Just out of curiosity. Wish me luck. Please R&R, constructive criticism is great, flames aren't, bottom line, Gamer4 out.


	14. The Sdrawkcab Mirror

Gamer4 in. Well, due to the major hiatus from last chapter, I'll try to get this one out a bit sooner. Of course, by the time you read this, you'll know whether or not I succeeded.

Disclaimer: Do you really need me to tell you?

Chapter XIV

The Sdrawkcab Mirror

November was over, and Christmas was on its way. One morning, the residents of the Smash Mansion awoke to find the mansion and the surrounding area hidden beneath a blanket of snow of which there had been no hint the previous day. The lake was hidden beneath several feet of ice. Kirby and Meta Knight Faron were punished for imitating another student's ability to control ice and using it on Dedede. Mail was coming in much less frequently, and the albatrosses that managed the journeys had to be taken care of by Crazy before they could head out again.

No one, not even Zelda, could wait for Winter Break. While the hubs had fires built in grates that warmed up the rooms, the halls and classrooms had no such blessing. Wolf's classes got the worst of it: they were cold at the best of times, being underground and all, but now they were absolutely brutal. Even worse, Wolf was, before the break, having them work on power-ups called _ice flowers. _To say that several students were eagerly awaiting the end of the last power-ups class of the season would be a severe understatement.

During one of these classes, Bowser Dragmire could be heard loudly calling out, "I gotta say, it sucks for the homies stranded at this doghouse during Christmas 'cause they're not wanted back home."

It was no real secret which "homy" he was talking about. Mario, however, was too cold to bother responding to this: he was using his energy to stop his fingers from going numb. In a recent homeroom class, he'd discovered a bit of a talent for fire manipulation, but couldn't focus on that too much since the ice flower, in addition to being horrible to make during the middle of winter in a basement with no heating, was probably the most difficult thing yet. In any case, Bowser's remark didn't offend him anyways. It was only the latest insult in a campaign by the turtle, who hadn't been too happy about the results of the Smash-Up match.

What Bowser said was true, though: Mario wouldn't be returning to the Smiths' that Christmas. The other day, Samus- who, in addition to being head of Nintendo, was also vice headmistress- had gone around collecting names of those who would be staying during Winter Break. Mario, naturally, had signed up immediately. He felt no shame or despair about this: Link, Kirby, and Meta were staying over the break as well, this would probably be the best Christmas he'd ever had. (Of course, when all his others were with the Smiths, there wasn't much to judge against.)

When they finally left the basement at the end of that Power-Ups class, struggling to walk out of numbness, they found a tree sitting at the head of the stairs. With five gigantic fingers visible at the sides, it didn't take a genius to guess who was behind it.

"Need some help, Crazy?" Link asked as they approached it.

"Nos, it covered," said a voice from behind the tree. "'Preciate offer, toes."

"Would you mind getting out of the way?" came Bowser's not-so-subtle voice. "I understand you need an extra job or two, Faron, I would too if I lived in whatever dump you live in- that psycho's house must seem like a castle compared to whatever box you're used to- but some of us need to-"

Bowser never finished this thought. Link jumped him, but before he could do anything too serious, Wolf came up the stairs. "FARON!"

As Link grudgingly let go of Bowser, Crazy looked around the tree. "Bowser ask for it, Wolfies. Insult Link family."

"No matter what, fighting is against our rules. Five points from Faron for attacking a fellow student, and five from Mario for rubbing his arrogance off on Faron. Be grateful it isn't more."

Bowser, Ganondorf, and Wario moved past them.

"I'm gonna get him, one of these days," Link muttered as they started following Crazy into the dining hall. "He'd better start sleeping with one eye open..."

"I hate them both," Mario assured.

"Iz say Wolf not evil. Never say nutting about bein' nice. But lighten up! Christmas almost heresies! By teh way, you gots teh see da dining hall, we work on it great!"

So Mario, Link, and Zelda followed Crazy into the hall.

It was, indeed a sight to see. Holly, mistletoe, and all sorts of things lined the hall, with some sort of snow falling from the ceiling and a count of eleven gigantic Christmas trees about the size of the one in Crazy's hand towering over the whole show.

"It about Break time, innit?" Crazy asked as he carried the tree over to an empty spot.

"Yeah, we just finished up our last class," Zelda said. "Oh, I just remembered: Mario, Link, we have a half hour before dinner, shouldn't we be in the library?"

"Oh, yeah, right," Link said, looking away from where Samus and Pikachu were decorating the final trees.

"Libraries?" Crazy asked, following them as they left the hall. "Right before Break? You say you done."

"We are," Mario said. "We aren't working, we've just been trying to figure out who Dampe Kakariko is since you mentioned him last chapter."

"Huh?" Crazy looked shocked. "Listens! Yous gotta drop it! It notin to yehs what Duon guardin'!"

"We just want to know who he is," Zelda interjected.

"Or you could tell us and save us the trouble," Mario suggested. "No matter how many books we go through, we can't find him, but I've heard the name before..."

"I say nutting!"

"We'll just find out on our own then," Link said as they left for the library.

XXXX

It was true enough that the three had been looking for the name for a while now, in hope that the book that mentioned him would also make reference to whatever Wolf was trying to get his paws on. The thing is, the only thing they knew about Dampe Kakariko was his name, so, without knowing what he might have done to get himself into a book, they were reduced to pulling them off the shelves at random and hoping for the best. Neither _Legendary Smashers of the 21__st__ century _or _Popular Names of our Time _made any reference to him, and he was absent as well from _Modern Discoveries of Smashing _and _Recent Prodigies in Smashing. _Even if they'd had the vaguest clue where to begin, there was the size of the libraries, which took up an entire side of two floors of the mansion.

Zelda had made an attempt to narrow down the possibilities based on what they knew: due to their low amount of information, her list was still obscenely long. As Link began taking down and flipping through books at random, Mario wandered vaguely in the direction of the Restricted Section, which had a gate blocking it off from the main library. He'd been wondering if Dampe was somewhere in those pages. Checking there, however, would be a great task: to look at a book from that section you had to have a special note from a teacher: those books held incredibly dark secrets of smashing, and permission to read them was only granted to older students studying advanced smashing.

"What are you looking for?"

"Nothing," Mario said quickly.

The librarian, Ruto, had descended on him.

"Get out, then, out!"

Growing increasingly tired of being shouted out of places, Mario retreated from the library. He, Link, and Zelda had already agreed not to ask Ruto for help. She might be able to help them (albeit grudgingly) but they couldn't risk Wolf hearing about their investigations.

Waiting outside, Mario reflected on the search. It had been a month, and they'd only had a few random moments to search. Maybe it wasn't really surprising they'd come out empty-handed.

A few minutes later, Link and Zelda came out, and their looks confirmed Mario's suspicions. They headed down to dinner.

"You'll keep looking while I'm out, won't you?" Zelda asked. "And send me something if you find anything out."

"Yeah, definitely," Link said.

"Why don't you ask your parents, they might know a Dampe Kakariko," Mario said.

"It's possible: they're dentists, I think they'd remember a name like that."

XXXX

However, it came to be that, as the break started, Mario and Link were having too good a time to think much about Dampe. The Faron twins, Link, and Mario had the hub to themselves (Rob was also there, but paid them little attention) so they were able to easily get the good chairs by the fire. Naturally, they spent a lot of time there, roasting what they could fit on their toasting forks and thinking up ways to get Bowser out, which were unlikely to work, but were fun to talk about anyways.

Link also started teaching Mario the basics of Smasher Chess. Smasher Chess was very similar to Muggle Chess, except that the pieces were alive, and had to be directed around the board, and fought to not be captured, so that attacking pieces didn't necessarily win just because they were the attackers. In this case, Mario already knew the basics of Chess- having belonged to a club for it at Muggle School- but wasn't very good at it. Link's pieces didn't trust him at all, and given the extraordinary amount of mistakes he managed to make during his first few games, he couldn't really blame them.

And so it came to be that on Christmas Eve, Mario was going to bed looking forward to the festivities, but not to any presents- he hadn't received many with the Smiths, and the ones he had were extremely low-class. However, one of the first sights he saw that morning was a small pile of brightly wrapped packages at his bed's foot.

"Merry Christmas," Link was muttering sleepily as he dragged himself out of bed and pulled on a bathrobe.

"You too," Mario said, putting on a bathrobe of his own. "You see this? I got some presents!"

"What did you expect, a pumpkin?" Link asked, turning on his own pile.

Mario picked up the box on top, wrapped in brown paper. Written on it was _To Marios, from teh Crazy Hands. _He opened it up and saw some sort of oval object with a mouthpiece- apparently some sort of instrument. Mario picked it up, put his mouth to the mouthpiece, and blew. A pleasant note came from the instrument.

"What's this?" he asked of Link.

"Oh, that's an ocarina," Link said, looking at it. "Great instrument. They have them in the muggle world too, but they're much more well-known here."

Shrugging, Mario turned to another package. It was much smaller than Crazy's, and had a note pinned to it. It read: _We received your message. Here's your present. Go crazy. _Taped to the note was a quarter.

"Well, it's friendly by their standards..." Mario muttered, remembering one Christmas in particular in which he'd been given a used napkin.

Link, however, was fascinated. "What is that? That can't be money, it's strange!"

"Why don't you take it, nothing in the muggle world is cheap enough for one of these," Mario said, tossing Link the quarter. "So, that's Crazy and the Smiths, I wonder who these last ones are from."

"I think I know who that one's from," Link said, suddenly turning as red as Mario's normal outfit. "That'll be from Mom. I told her you weren't expecting anything from Christmas, and..." his voice trailed off. "Oh, no," he finally said. "She made you a Faron sweater."

Mario opened the package to find a light blue sweater alongside a box of what looked like homemade fudge.

"She makes us a sweater every year," Link explained as he unwrapped his own, which was green.

"Nice of her, though," Mario said, trying out the fudge.

His next present was from Zelda: a box of Chocolate Birds.

The only package left was large and heavy. He opened it up, and caught a flash of white as the thing inside dropped onto the floor. Link gasped.

"Is that what I think it is?" he said in a quiet voice, drawing nearer and dropping his own box of Galaxy-Brand Every-Flavor Star Bits (his own gift from Zelda.) "If it is... man, they're rare, and valuable."

"Will you tell me what you think it is?" Mario asked as he picked the object off the floor. It was a large blanket, mostly white but with random color splashed around in strange patterns on one side. Holding it around himself, it was extremely warm and comfortable, but it didn't seem too special- at least, not completely deserving of the revering look that Link was now giving it.

"It _is _what I thought it was! Look down!"

Mario looked down and received a bit of a shock: everything from his shoulders down (in other words, everything covered by the blanket) was gone. Vanished. Disappeared. Just to verify this, he went over to a mirror that stood off to the side of the dorm. Yep, no question about it: there was only his head, floating in midair above the ground. He pulled the blanket over his head (still with a fair amount of blanket left over) and he was gone altogether.

"There's a note!" Link said, moving over while Mario was transfixed by his reflection- or rather, lack thereof. "Look at this!"

Mario pulled the blanket off, tossed it onto his bed, and took the letter. It was written in a writing that was familiar yet simultaneously alien. This is what it said:

_This was gifted to me by your father before his death. It's about time a Mario held it again. Use it well._

_Merry Christmas._

No name was given in the letter. As Mario stared at the letter, Link turned to admire the

blanket itself. "Man," he was saying. "I've always wanted one of these." Noticing the look on Mario's face, he added, "Something wrong?"

"No," Mario said. This was relatively a lie: nothing was wrong, but he felt a strange feeling. Who'd sent this thing? Was it really his father's?

Before he could dwell on this too much, however, the dorm doors swung open and in came the marshmallows he'd come to recognize as the Faron twins. Mario quickly tossed the blanket into his trunk- he wasn't sure he was ready to share this yet.

"Merry Christmas!" Kirby began.

"Oh, look, Mario got a sweater too!" Meta pointed out cheerfully. Both of them were wearing sweaters of deep purple. One had a K on it, the other a large MK.

"Mario's is better, though," Kirby observed, looking it over. "She probably makes more of an effort for non-family."

"Neither of yours have letter on yours," Meta observed, looking at both. "She probably thinks you don't forget your names. Insulting- we're not stupid, we know we're Knight and Meta Kirby."

Mario and Link were spared answering this when Rob poked his head in. "What's all the noise?" he asked in a relatively deadpan voice. He'd clearly just been unwrapping his own presents: a crimson sweater was hanging over his shoulder.

The twins instantly jumped him. "Oh, come on, great sweater, Rob!" Kirby said brightly.

"Get it on!" Meta put in. "We're all wearing ours, even Mario got one!"

"I- not- want-" Rob said as he tried to pull back as the two pulled his sweater over his head.

"You're not sitting with the prefects either!" Kirby added.

"Christmas is a time for family!" Meta agreed as they took hold of either arm and marched Rob from the room.

XXXX

Mario had never seen such festivities in his life. All along the dining halls tables were a hundred turkeys cooked to perfection, mountains of potatoes of all varieties, chips and dip, peas, gravy and cranberry sauce... and, courtesy of a collaboration between the Master and Crazy Hands, fire crackers every few feet along the tables. Mario and Kirby had to work together to pull one of these: it went off with a monumental BANG and engulfed an entire section of the table with multicolored smoke. When it cleared, they saw a couple other things that had burst from it: namely, a cap made of some sort of steel and several random mice. At the head of the table, the Hands were wearing large gloves not out-of-place on the hands of the average muggle construction person, putting on random shows.

Large cakes followed the main courses. At the head of the table, Crazy had shifted into human form and was getting more and more insane as he consumed greatly generous amounts of Mountain Dew, until he apparently dared Samus that he could climb all the way up the wall and across the ceiling, in human form, using only his teeth. To everyone's surprise, Samus put on a grin, and accepted the challenge.

Even more random, Crazy actually _succeeded. _

XXXX

And so it came to be that when Mario finally left the table, he left with a stack of items from the firecrackers: namely, a set of levitating spheres that gave off intense amounts of light, a guide to RPG combat, and his own set of Smasher's Chess pieces. As for the mice, they'd long since vanished- Mario had a strong suspicion that Louise would soon be getting her own Christmas dinner.

Afterwards, he and the Farons spent the evening in a furious snowball fight on the grounds. When they couldn't do anything else outside, they headed in and warmed up by the fire, and, in Mario's case, breaking in new chess sets by enduring the most epic fail he'd ever endured in his loss to Link. He wondered if he might have done a bit better if Rob hadn't spent so much time trying to help him out.

After all that transpired, and all the festivities, Mario and Link felt they had nothing better to do than enjoy the show of Rob chasing Kirby and Meta Knight all over the hub for whatever they'd done this time. (It later transpired that they'd graffitied his Prefect badge with the words Franklin Badge.)

But even though it had been his best Christmas ever, something had been gnawing at the back of his mind all day: the invisibility blanket and its sender.

Link, full as he was and with nothing to preoccupy him, fell asleep immediately after he lay down. Mario, on the other hand, opened up his trunk and removed his blanket, staring at it in the moonlight.

Someone had sent this to him. It had been his father's... this is what he had left of him. He weighed it in his hands. It was heavy and warm, but not _too _heavy and warm. It was a very comfortable thing, probably the most comfortable blanket he'd ever owned. Not that he had much to judge against, having been raised by the Smiths.

_Use it well. _

He quietly stood up and wrapped himself in the blanket again. Looking around, he could see only shadows where his body would normally be.

_Use it well._

Suddenly, all the traces of sleepiness Mario had felt left him. The entire mansion was his with this thing, he could go anywhere he wanted without Mido being any the wiser.

He jumped as he heard Link grunt and turn over in bed. For a second, Mario considered waking him, but something held him back. This was his father's, the only keepsake he had of him, aside from a bunch of jewels and coins. He felt that this time, at least- the first time- he wanted to go it alone.

He snuck out of the dorm and down some stairs into the hub, then across the hub, past Rosalina and into the hall. Rosalina didn't seem to notice. Looking back, he saw that she was asleep herself.

Out in the hall, with the hub shut off behind him, Mario wondered: where should he go? Then it came to him: the library's restricted section. He could stay there as long as he wanted, as long as it took to find out who Dampe Kakariko was. He started off, drawing the blanket around him for warmth and comfort in the dark, cold hallways.

XXXX

If the normal mansion was creepy at night, it was nothing to the library: the place was pitch-black. He picked a lantern up at the entrance of the library and headed in. He had to remove his arm from under the blanket for the lamp to be at all useful, and the sight of a lamp moving along supported by a disembodied arm creeped him out, even though he knew that he was holding it himself.

The restricted section was at the far end of the library. He quietly and carefully opened the gate that separated the two sections, and raised his lamp to see the titles.

They weren't helpful. The letters that made them up were from languages he had no knowledge of, and some had no title at all. Some had random symbols on them.

No matter what, he had to start somewhere. Looking around, he caught sight of a large gold and red volume with symbols spelling the title out. If he'd been able to read them, the symbols spelled out the words, _Open me up if you dare, suckers! _He pulled the book down and opened it to a random page.

He recoiled from the sudden absurdly loud shriek that echoed from the pages. A screaming book! Now he'd seen everything. Or not. At any rate, he immediately slammed it shut again, but it didn't stop the screaming. Trying to cover his ears, keep the blanket up, and get away from the noise all at once, he stumbled and knocked over the lamp. It fell and shattered on the floor. Suddenly, he heard a voice: it was none other than Mido's.

"Who's there? Show yourself! You can't hide from me!"

Daring to challenge this, Mario passed by Mido underneath the blanket, pelting down the library, out the door, and up and down some stairways. He didn't stop until he approached a suit of armor: their were none near the library. Actually, he couldn't tell where he was. There was a suit of armor near the kitchens, but a glance out of a nearby window rendered this theory implausible: the kitchens were underground, and he was at least three floors above ground.

"You told me, sir, to report to you if anyone was sneaking around at night. Someone was just in the restricted section of the library."

Mario went white. Mido must know a shortcut to wherever he'd ended up, because that was his voice echoing through the darkness. Even worse, who should answer but Wolf?

"Well, he can't be far, we'll get them."

Mario looked wildly around as a light shone down the hallway. There was a classroom not too far from where he was standing with the door slightly open. He struggled to get through without opening the door too far. He succeeded just in time to turn around and see Wolf and Mido striding quickly past the room. He turned around and slumped against the wall, breathing deeply to slow his beating heart. It was then that he noticed a thing or two about the room he'd run into.

It was clearly an unused classroom. The desks were all shoved against the walls, there were no chairs at all, and there was an upturned garbage container off to the side. But at the far end of the room was something that didn't seem to belong, something that looked incredibly out of place among everything else.

It was a grand, magnificent mirror, standing almost to the ceiling, with a frame made of a substance he couldn't identify. There were words carved across the top: _Siht daerohw ouyfo esoh tknah tot hsiw ohw, __detarop rocni srekae rblla w-htru offo ytrep orpeht siror rim sdrawkcab eht. _Mario couldn't read it, but it probably meant something or other.

Now that he'd escaped Wolf and Mido, he began to calm down a bit. Wanting to see his lack of reflection again, he stepped in front of it.

He would have screamed, but the run from Mido and Wolf had sapped him of his breath. Not only had he seen himself in the mirror, there had been a _crowd _of people standing behind him.

However, behind him, the room was empty.

Quietly, still shaking slightly, he turned back to the mirror. There he was, reflected despite the blanket draping him, and behind him the room was packed like a huge party was going on. Looking back, the room was still empty. Looking back, he saw that two of the people had moved closer. He reached back, but felt nothing there. Whatever was going on here, it was only in the mirror.

One of them was a woman. She was pretty nice-looking. She had black hair that fell to her shoulders and her eyes- _Her eyes are just like mine, _Mario realized, coming closer to the mirror. They were a bright shade of blue and exactly the same shape as his. He noticed that she was crying and laughing at the same time. Smiles and tears...* The man next to her was taller, relatively thin, and with bright red hair that gave the impression that his head was on fire. It was obviously not well-cared for, looking exactly like Mario's.

Suddenly, Mario flinched back: he'd unconsciously moved so close that he'd brushed against the mirror with his nose. The two gave a small laugh that he couldn't hear.

"Mom?" he asked, finally speaking. "Dad?"

They couldn't speak from the other side of the mirror. They could only look at him, with smiles and tears...

Looking around at the others in the reflection, he saw more of his own features: more blue eyes or messy hair, round noses, strong legs- for the first time in his life, Mario looked upon his family.

They were all smiling and waving at him, and he stared back, almost forgetting that the mirror was separating them.

He never found out exactly how long he was standing there, but he was finally brought back to his senses by a crash nearby. He couldn't stay there forever. He looked at them one last time, muttered, "I'll be back," and darted from the room, draping himself in the blanket again.

XXXX

"You could have woken me up," Link was saying frustratedly.

"You can come tonight, I'm going back."

Mario had naturally filled Link in on the night's events as soon as he'd been able to.

"I _would _like to see your parents," Link said thoughtfully.

"And you can show me your family, your brothers and sisters and everyone."

"You can see them in the flesh anytime you want, just come around our house this Summer. It might only show dead people anyways. Too bad you couldn't find anything out about Dampe, though. Bacon?"

Mario, however, couldn't eat. He'd seen his parents and tonight, he'd be seeing them again. Forget Dampe, what was so important about that? What did it matter what some random two-headed mech was guarding? Why did it really matter if Wolf took it? How would Wolf get past the mech anyways? Why was he asking all these questions?

XXXX

And so it came to be that the next night found the two of them sneaking through the halls underneath the blanket. What was really scaring Mario at the time was that they wouldn't be able to find the place again- it wasn't like they had some sort of map that showed the entire Mansion like the levels of a video game- and with two people under the blanket, the going was much slower. They tried retracing Mario's steps from the library, but wound up wandering around the halls at random.

"It's getting late," Link warned as they continued the search. "We might have to turn back."

"No!" Mario returned. "It's here somewhere, it has to be!"

They passed a ghost or two, but no living beings passed them. Just as Mario himself was about to give up hope, he spotted a familiar suit of armor.

"It's here... yes!"

Mario pushed open the door, and Mario instantly dropped the blanket and ran to the mirror with the strange words on the top.

Sure enough, there they were. His mother and father looked delighted to see him again.

"See?" Mario asked of Link, who was coming up beside him.

"No, I only see us..."

"Okay, look at it properly, stand where I'm standing," Mario said, standing aside for him. However, with Link in front of the mirror, his family vanished from the surface. There was only Link in his nightclothes.

Link, on the other hand, looked amazed at his reflection. "Look at me!"

"Are your family standing around you?"

"No, I'm alone- but I'm different- I'm head boy!"

"Want to run that by me again?" Mario asked, confused.

"I'm wearing the badge like Talon used to, when he was coming here... I'm holding the Smash Bros. Cup, the Smash-Up cup, and I'm captain of the Smash-Up team! And-" Whatever else he saw, he cut himself off before he said it, turning red and leaving it to Mario's imagination. Abandoning the remains of the sentence, he turned his eyes on Mario. "You think this mirror shows the future?"

"Can't be, my family are all dead. Let me have another look-"

"Hey, you had it to yourself last night, it's my turn now-"

"You're holding a couple of trophies, that's nothing special, I want to see my family!"

"Don't you push me-"

Their discussion was ended with a sudden noise in the corridor. They threw the blanket over themselves just in time- in came Louise. They both stood still, not daring to make a sound. They couldn't be entirely sure that the thing worked on non-humans.

After a while of waiting, Louise finally turned and bounded out the door. "This isn't safe anymore," Link said. "I'll bet she's gone for Mido."

This said, the two of them left the room too.

XXXX

The next day, the snow hadn't even begun melting yet.

"Chess, Mario?" Link offered.

"No."

"Extreme poker?"

"No, not in the mood for incineration."

"We could go and visit Crazy..."

"You can go if you want..."

"I know what you're thinking about, Mario. You can't go back there tonight."

"Why not?"

"There's something jacked up with that mirror, I can just feel it. Even without that, Mido, Wolf, and Louise are wandering around, and they'll be even more on their guard with the last two nights. It doesn't matter if they can't see you, they might bump into you, or you could knock something over!"

"You're starting to sound like Zelda."

"I'm serious, Mario, don't go to that mirror!"

But the only goal Mario had in his head was to get back to that mirror, and no one- not even Link- was going to stop him.

XXXX

And so it came to be that a third night in a row saw him going through the Mansion's darkened halls. This time, he had more of a clue where he was going, and found his way much faster.

And there was his family, smiling and waving. One of his grandfathers was giving him a nod of approval. There was nothing to stop him this time. Nothing except-

"A little late, isn't it? Of course, I thought you'd want to return..."

Mario whirled around to see a giant hand in a glove floating in the air. For a second, he thought it was Crazy, but this hand was right-handed, and less... twitchy. _Oh, crud... _

That was the Master Hand himself. He must have been so eager to get to the mirror he hadn't noticed him.

"I didn't see you, sir."

"I noticed. Being invisible gives one an unhealthy amount of nearsightedness. You'll want to watch out for that." Mario was relatively relieved to notice that the hand sounded more amused that angry.

"So," the hand said, shifting into human form so he could sit next to Mario, "I see that you, like so many others, have discovered the Sdrawkcab Mirror."

"I didn't know it had a name."

"Few do. I'm sure you've also noticed that it does not simply show one's family. Do you know what it does show?"

"No," Mario confessed.

"Here's a clue: the happiest man on earth would be able to use the mirror as a normal mirror, looking into it and seeing himself as he is."

"So it show us what we want?"

"In a way, but not the way you're thinking of. It shows us our deepest and most desperate desires. You've never known your family, and see them standing around you. Link has always been overshadowed among his many siblings, and sees himself as the best. However, the only knowledge or truth this mirror gives us is a reflection of what is in our hearts. There are those who have wasted away before it, or gone insane. I'm sure you've heard of the Joker?"

"Yeah, but I thought that he and Batman were just fictional characters."

"And let's just keep the world thinking that way, shall we? Back on the mirror, it is going to be moved to a new home tomorrow, and I hope that you will not look for it again. If you do, you will now be prepared. It's not a good idea to dwell on our dreams and forget our lives, Mario. Now, it's late and I'm sure I'll have a blackout in my memory tomorrow, so why don't you hurry upstairs to bed?"

Mario stood, picking up his blanket as he did so. However, before he left, he said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, you just have," the Master Hand said, smiling as he shifted back into a hand, "but yes, you may ask me one more thing."

"What do you see in the mirror."

"Me? I see myself with a new pair of gloves."

"Gloves."

"Yes, gloves. A hand can't have too many of the things. Of course, the left-hand ones are useless to me, but still. Another Christmas just passed and I still haven't gotten a single one. For some reason, there are those who insist on books."

It was only back in the Nintendo dorm that it occurred to Mario that the Master Hand wasn't being totally honest. Of course, he thought, as he moved Oreo off his bed and towards Link's, it had been a very personal question.

_XXXX_

*Another reference I wonder if people will catch.

Okay, here's where I thank all of you reviewers. And I mean it: thank you. This story wouldn't be possible without you. Thanks for your support. Please R&R, constructive criticism is great, flaming's only possible use is, as the certain spiky-haired boy's father from Chapter 12 (That's Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes fame, if you were wondering,) would say, building character, Gamer4 out.


	15. Dampe Kakariko

Gamer4 in. Wouldn't it be wonderful if, for once, I actually had something to say before a chapter? The world may never know.

Disclaimer: Is there any point?

Chapter XV

Dampe Kakariko

And so it came to be that Mario did, indeed, give up on the Sdrawkcab Mirror: he had no wish to go around asking people why they were so serious. The Master Hand had done a good job convincing him, and to avoid temptation as much as possible, he left the blanket of invisibility at the bottom of his trunk. If only forgetting about the mirror itself were so easy. He started having nightmares about his parents being killed by the butterfly-man while the thing laughed cruelly.

"Looks like the Master Hand was right, that thing can drive you insane," Link said when Mario told him about these nighttime visions. "Good thing he caught you when he did, if that's only after three nights..."

Zelda, however, took a different view of things when she got back. On hearing the boys' stories about the Sdrawkcab Mirror, she was both horrified at the thought of Mario sneaking around the mansion for three consecutive nights ("With Mido and a psychotic anthro looking for you, no less!") and disappointment that, even after all that, they weren't any nearer to finding out who Dampe Kakariko was.

Though Mario knew, somewhere deep inside, that he'd heard the name somewhere before, he could never remember exactly where. It was getting to the point that they were about to give up altogether. When Zelda got back and Break ended, they returned to their old routine of skimming through whatever books they could get their hands on during their free time. However, it was even harder than before: the teachers were eager to prepare the students for the end-of-year tests, though said tests were months away. Mario had this particular instance even worse than the other two, because in addition to schoolwork, Captain Falcon was working his team ever harder as the next Smash-Up match of the season drew near: Nintendo vs. Hal.

Falcon was growing fanatical about it. They had entered a season of near-endless rain, but Falcon didn't seem to notice as he pushed them to work in all kinds of weather. The Farons, in particular, were calling him out on this behavior, but despite the inconveniences, Mario was on Falcon's side this time: winning this match would put Nintendo into first place, both for the Smash Bros. Cup and the Smash-Up cup. He even got the side benefit of having fewer nightmares and more straight-up sleep when he was tired after a good, hard session of Smash-Up training.

And so it came to be that, during another one of these sessions, Falcon gave his team a bit of bad news. It had started with him getting annoyed with the Farons, who were literally smashing their Warp Stars together, and pretending to crash. "Enough messing around!" he shouted. "Do this during the match, and we're doomed! Wolf's refereeing this time, and if we give him too many excuses, we're finished!"

Meta Knight really _did _crash his Warp Star at this news. "_Who's _refereeing?" he spluttered. "When's he ever been into Smash-Up? If we might overtake Sierra, there's no way he'll be fair!"

As all the other teammates came over to complain as well, Falcon raised his voice to be heard over them.

"It's not _my _fault, believe me," Falcon said. "We'll just have to play our game completely within the rules. Yeah, Wolf will probably still beat up on us anyways, but at least everyone will know for sure that he was just being a-"

Mario tuned Falcon out. Yeah, playing a clean game was all very well, but the reasons for Mario not wanting Wolf near him during Smash-Up had nothing to do with score...

XXXX

And so it came to be that, instead of hanging back in the locker rooms as was usual for the team, Mario headed straight back up to the hub. On arrival, he found Zelda and Link playing a game of smasher chess. Though Zelda was brilliant academically, she had no gift for strategy: she was often floored at Smasher Stratego, Smasher Chess, and even Smasher Monopoly. This said, it came as no surprise that when Mario entered the room to deliver the news, Link had taken all her pieces except her king and pawns without losing a single piece himself.

"Don't interrupt me," Link was saying, contemplating the best way to take all her pawns in one move. "I need to focus-" Here he noticed Mario's face. "Something wrong?"

Mario quietly filled them in on what had transpired.

"You can't play," Zelda said immediately.

"Fake getting sick," Link said.

"Pretend to break your leg!"

"Break both your legs!"

"I can't," Mario said. "Even if I wanted to break my legs, Falcon doesn't have a backup seeker. Kind of an oversight on his part, but that's all there is to it. I drop out, Nintendo will have to pull out of the Smash-Up tournament."

At this particular moment, a distraction arrived in the form of Luigi toppling into the hub. How he'd managed even this was left to their imaginations: his legs were held out stiffly behind him, clearly unmovable. He must have had to drag himself up with his arms.

Zelda was the only one to not laugh. Instead, she jumped up and pointed at his legs. There was a flash of light and Luigi was able to stand again. "What happened?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"Bowser," Luigi said simply. "I met him in the dining hall. He said he needed to practice."

"Go to Samus!" Zelda said immediately.

"I don't want to make more trouble than there needs to be," Luigi said, shaking his head.

"You've got to stand up for yourself, man!" Link put in. "Yeah, he's used to walking all over people, but we can't just lie down and make it easier for him!"

"Don't worry, I already got a reason-you-suck speech from Bowser," Luigi said. "I'm all covered."

Mario came over, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a chocolate bird. He tossed it to Luigi, who looked shocked. "You're worth sixteen of Bowser," Mario said. "The Fludd wouldn't have chosen you for Nintendo if you didn't have the right stuff. And where's Bowser? In Sierra. Not really something to be jealous of."

The corners of Luigi's lips twitched a bit as he unwrapped the candy. "Thanks, Mario. I'll be in my bunk." Glancing at the card, he added, "Oh, I've already got this one. Want it, Mario?"

Mario accepted, and Luigi headed up. Mario checked the card.

"Ah, it's the Master Hand. I've had him a while, he was the first I ever-"

Suddenly, he gasped, staring at the back of the card. "I found him!" he said quietly. "Kakariko! I knew I'd heard the name somewhere before, he was on my first ever chocolate bird card! 'The Master Hand is especially famous for his defeat of the evil known as Porky, the discovery of power-ups, and his work with his partner and friend _Dampe Kakariko!'"_

Zelda jumped to her feet, smacking herself on the forehead. "Of course! Stay here a second!"

As Zelda sprinted up to the girls' dorms, Mario and Link only had the time to exchange perplexed looks before she was jumping back down, taking the stairs three at a time, carrying an old, worn-out book. "I can't believe I never thought to look in here!" she said. "I got this out of the library a week ago- you know, a bit of light reading. Wouldn't want people thinking I'm crazy."

"Too late," Link muttered, but Zelda told him to be quiet until she could find what she was looking for, which eventually she did.

"I knew it! I _knew _it!"

"Can we talk?" Link said, not sounding exactly happy. Zelda paid him no attention.

"Dampe Kakariko," she said, clearly going for maximum dramatic effect, "is the only known owner or maker of the _Hylian Stone!" _

"Hylian Stone?" Mario and Link said together.

"Don't either of you read? Ever? Read this, right here!"

The two of them bent over and read:

_The Hylian Stone_

_The most ancient of all studies has at its core the goal of the Hylian Stone, a legendary rock with great power. The stone is rumored to bring riches and everlasting life to the possessor. _

_Ever since the idea originated in the ancient kingdom of Skyloft, but the only confirmable source comes from Dampe Kakariko, one of the most devoted studiers of the art. Kakariko, who recently_

_celebrated his 1000__th__ birthday, enjoys a quiet life in the country._

"There you go!" Zelda said as Mario and Link finished. "That's what Duon's guarding! Dampe's Hylian Stone! He and the Master Hand are old friends, I'll bet Dampe asked him to keep it safe!"

"That stone does sound useful," Mario agreed. "No wonder Wolf's after it."

"And no wonder we couldn't find Dampe in any of those books," Link put in. "Dampe isn't exactly recent, is he?"

XXXX

The next day saw their next Protection from the Evils class, where Dedede set them off on taking notes on another chapter. Mario, Link, and Zelda were sitting in the back of the class, discussing what they would do with a Hylian Stone if they had one. It was as Link started talking about buying his own Smash-Up team that Mario remembered about the upcoming match- to be refereed by Wolf.

"I have to play," he decided. "Even aside from us not having a backup seeker, I can't let the Sierras think Nintendo is just too cowardly to face Wolf. It'll really wipe their smiles off if we win."

"I'm cool with that, I just don't want to see you getting wiped off the field," Link said.

XXXX

But no matter what Mario told Link and Zelda, he was becoming more and more nervous as the match against Hal drew closer. He did want to overtake Sierra in the championship, especially since it hadn't been done for so long, but he doubted they'd be allowed to, what with having such a biased referee.

Maybe he was imagining it, (in fact, he hoped he was,) but it seemed that he was starting to run into Wolf wherever he went, short of the bathroom (thank the Lord.) Sometimes, he wondered if Wolf was trying to catch him alone. Power-Ups classes were getting steadily worse. Wolf was getting worse towards everyone in general, but he was so horrible towards Mario in particular that it started becoming a sort of torture just getting the courage to go in. He even wondered if Wolf knew that _they _knew about the Hylian Stone. Mario couldn't think how Wolf could know, but he sometimes got the feeling that Wolf could read minds.

XXXX

And so it came to be that, when Link and Zelda wished him luck outside the locker rooms on the day of the big game, he knew that they were secretly wondering if they'd ever see him alive again. Thus comforted, Mario headed in, got dressed, picked up his keys and started tossing them from hand to hand. Captain Falcon came out and gave them the usual pep talk, but Mario could barely hear him, and he definitely wasn't listening.

Back in the stands, meanwhile, Link and Zelda had found seats next to Luigi, who was much brighter than he'd been for a while, and couldn't understand why they looked so grim, or why they had their power controllers out and at the ready. As soon as they'd learned that Wolf would be refereeing the match, they'd had Ness (who had recently discovered his own special power of PSI,) show them how to paralyze somebody and make their body numb. Unbeknownst to Mario, they'd been practicing this, and even though they'd taken a lot of hits when their legs suddenly fell asleep, they were ready to use it on Wolf if he showed unusual malevolence towards Mario.

Back in the locker rooms, Falcon was having a private word with Mario. "I don't want to put too much pressure on you, Mario, but you know what position we're in," he was saying. "The sooner you get the Smash Ball this match, the better, before Wolf can favor Hal _too _much."

Mario would have answered, but before he could, they both heard Kirby calling out to the rest of the team as he glanced out into the stadium. "Good turnout!" he said brightly, trying to raise their spirits. "Heck, even the Master Hand came to watch!"

Mario's heart gave a jolt. "The _Master Hand?" _he said, sprinting to where Kirby was. Kirby stood aside and pointed to where, sure enough, Mario recognized a gigantic right hand in a glove. He was safe after all. Wolf would favor Hal, of course, but he couldn't try to hurt Mario specifically with the Master Hand watching.

This, of course, may have been why Wolf himself was scowling as the teams walked out to their karts. This was something that Link, using his hawkeye up in the stands, noticed as well. "Wolf looks nasty," he said to Zelda. "And they're off!"

This time around, the stadium resembled a simple dip in the ground, nothing special. Suddenly, Link felt a pain in the back of his head. Turning around, he saw, to no real surprise, Bowser.

"Sorry, Faron, didn't see you there, dog," he said, grinning at Ganondorf and Wario. "I'm taking bets on how long Mario can stay on his kart this time. How much you betting? My guess is ten minutes."

Link would have answered, but he was distracted by Wolf giving a penalty to Hal because Meta had shot a chain chomp at Pichu, their seeker. Zelda, meanwhile, was paying no attention at all; all her fingers were crossed, and her eyes were fixed on Mario, who was shooting around the stadium in search of the Smash Ball.

It was about four minutes later that Bowser got started again. "It does seem obvious how they choose the Nintendo players," he said. "Anyone they feel sorry for. The Farons have no money, Mario's got no real family... Luigi here should be on the team! He's got no brains, after all!"

Luigi turned red as he turned to face Bowser. "I'm worth sixteen of you, Bowser."

Bowser, Ganondorf, and Wario broke into laughter. Link would normally have supported Luigi, but he was currently focusing as much as possible on Mario. The only real support he could offer was a quick, "You tell him, Luigi."

"Luigi, if brains were money, you'd be worse off than the Faron homies, if that's even possible!" Bowser said.

Blood was pumping in Link's ears. "I'm warning you, Bowser..."

"Oh, I'm terrified!"

Suddenly, Zelda jumped up, shouting, "Link! Look! Mario!"

Link whirled around from facing Bowser and saw that Mario had floored it and was streaking across the stadium.

"Maybe you're in luck!" Bowser said, still laughing. "Looks like Mario found some money on the ground!"

Link snapped. Bowser didn't have time to react before he was jumped on and pushed to the ground. Ganondorf and Wario moved forward but found their way blocked by Luigi, who had climbed over the back of the chair to help, and was currently in what looked vaguely like a karate stance.

Zelda noticed none of this. She was standing on top of her seat as Mario shot towards Wolf. On the field, Wolf turned in the seat of his kart just in time to see Mario shooting past him like an arrow from a crossbow. In a moment, Mario brought his kart around, slamming his foot on the brakes, and held up his hand, in which was clenched a perfectly round multicolored sphere.

The Stadium exploded. This had to be a record, the Smash Ball had never been caught this quick- at least, not at the Smash Mansion. (A quick look through _Legacy of Smash-Up _would be enough to show that the ultimate record is three seconds. There are faster, but they're all debatable, and possibly rigged.)

"Link! Where are you?" Zelda was shouting. "Game over! Mario won! They won! We won! Nintendo's in the lead!"

Mario brought his kart to a full stop and jumped out. Even he couldn't believe it- the game had barely lasted five minutes. Unknowingly, he'd fulfilled Bowser's bet that he wouldn't be able to stay in his kart for ten minutes, albeit not in the way Bowser had thought. Looking around, he saw that Wolf didn't look happy. He had jumped out of his kart too. He looked ready to smash something himself. But then Mario felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see the Master Hand in human form standing behind him. "Wonderful," he said. "I'm glad to see that you haven't been dwelling on the mirror. Truly fantastic."

Mario glanced back at Wolf just in time to see him spit on the ground.

XXXX

It was a while after that that Mario left the locker rooms alone, feeling much happier than he had when he'd entered. He'd finally done something to be really proud of. No one could say he was just a famous name anymore, they'd shown Sierra and Wolf.

Speaking of Wolf...

Mario turned just in time to see the anthro walking out of the mansion and stalking into the forest. Even though he was wrapped in a hood and cloak, clearly wanting to keep out-of-character as possible to avoid suspicion, Mario instantly recognized the walk and the limp. What was going on here? Everyone else was at dinner...

Mario quietly changed his course and started following as close behind Wolf as he dared. Wolf led him right into the Lost Woods. Inside, the trees began getting so thick that they occasionally formed side tunnels made of tangled branches and limbs. Wolf led Mario through a few of these, and in them, it was completely dark, and Mario had to hurry so as not to lose his guide. Finally, Wolf stopped his trek through the forest at the edge of a clearing. Mario stood off to the side, hidden behind some trees and a bush. It was here that Mario realized that Wolf wasn't the only one in the clearing: King Dedede was there too. Mario couldn't make out his face, but there was no mistaking those robes and that insanely large turban. Mario listened.

"So, what's this all about, Wolf? Why'd you want to meet me here, of all places?" Dedede was saying.

"I just wanted to make sure this was private," Wolf snarled. Mario was impressed that Dedede hadn't fled yet. "Students aren't supposed to know about the Hylian Stone after all, and it wouldn't be good for one to overhear us, would it?"

"No, I guess it wouldn't," Dedede sighed.

"Have you figured out how to get passed that miserable mech?" Wolf growled.

"I gotta say, you're not making sense right now, Wolf. Why would I want to-"

"Do you want me as your enemy, Dedede?" Wolf said, advancing on him.

"Well, I can't say I do, but I don't know what you're-"

"You know what I mean!" Wolf snarled.

Suddenly, a bird screeched somewhere in the silence, and Mario, looking around for it, missed the next part of the conversation. He focused again just in time to hear Wolf saying, "-your part in the guard. I'm waiting."

"It doesn't matter how many times you say that, I still don't know what you're getting at!"

Wolf gave an exasperated sigh. "So be it," he said. "We must get together again, after you've had time to decide where your loyalty really lies."

Sensing the end of the conversation, Mario moved backwards through the trees. He wasn't sure how he would get out without being caught by Wolf or Dedede, but he didn't have to worry: somehow, the first branch-tunnel he went down led him back to the edge of the forest. Finding himself out, he ran as fast as he could for the mansion's doors.

XXXX

"Where have you been?" Zelda cried when she saw Mario in the entrance hall.

"I won! You won! We won!" Link was cheering, punching the air through a heavy nosebleed. "Nintendo's ahead of Sierra, I gave Bowser a black eye, and Luigi tried to take on Ganondorf and Wario on single-handed! We don't have him back from the nurse, of course, he's still out cold, but still, talk about showing Sierra! Party in the hub! Kirby and Meta Knight are stealing some stuff from the kitchens!"

"Not right now," Mario said quickly. "Wait 'til you hear this."

They found an empty room, and Mario checked all over for the Boo before turning to them and telling them about Wolf and Dedede's meeting.

"So it _is _the Hylian Stone, Wolf's trying to get Dedede to help him! He asked Dedede if he knew how to get past Duon, and he said something about Dedede's 'part in the guard'- of course there are other things guarding the Stone, why have just one mech? If Dedede's competent at all, he'll probably have put up some sort of barrier that Wolf can't get through without Dedede's help."

"So, what you're saying is that the Stone's only safe as long as Dedede refuses Wolf?" Zelda asked, a note of alarm entering her voice.

"Well, I'm surprised it's not gone already," Link said grimly.

_XXXX_

Okay, that's all for now. For a change, I don't have anything to say after the chapter either, (except Happy Halloween! Assuming, of course, that you're reading this on Halloween,) so here's the usual: Please R&R, flames unappreciated, constructive criticism welcomed, Gamer4 out.


	16. Steve the Ozonian Rayquaza

Gamer4 in. Why am I cursed to eternally think up new wording for saying I don't have anything to say? Wow, that seemed like a bit of a contradiction. Anyways, no, I don't have anything to say.

Disclaimer: Do I really need to add anything here?

Chapter XVI

Steve the Ozonian Raquaza

However, as it transpired, it turned out that Dedede must have been more competent than he seemed. Over the next few weeks, he seemed just as arrogant as ever, and gave no sign that his ego had suffered any blows, which it likely would have if he'd given in to any of Wolf's interrogations. Just to make sure, every time one of the three passed the Duon's door, they pressed their ear to it. The growling sound behind it was both comforting and disturbing: comforting in that Wolf hadn't killed the thing, which was a good sign, and disturbing in that the thing was still in the building. Wolf's temper showed no signs of improving, a sure sign he hadn't managed to get his paws on the Stone yet. Mario had started giving Dedede encouraging smiles in the halls, while Link and Zelda were both starting to tell people off for calling Dedede an arrogant idiot.

However, even though Zelda shared a part in showing Dedede some subtle support, she also had something much more important than the Hylian Stone on her mind: the end-of-year tests. She had started making schedules to follow as she studied, and devoting any spare time she had to preparing herself for them. Under normal circumstances, Mario and Link wouldn't have minded, but she kept insisting that they do the same. Given that the exams were in June, and it was March, they weren't particularly worried yet.

"Zelda," Mario said, as she brought it up again for the 9001st time, "we've got two and a half months to get ready."

"Two and a half months is nothing!" Zelda insisted. "That's like half of a blink to Dampe Kakariko!"

"Well, he's a thousand years old, isn't he? _Ten _months is like a blink of an eye to him," Link pointed out. "Why are you worried anyways? You already know everything that could possibly be on the test. If there was some ancient magical object divided amongst power, wisdom, and courage, you'd get wisdom."

"What are you talking about?" Mario asked.

"I don't actually know," Link admitted.

"You definitely wouldn't get wisdom," Zelda said. "Why am I worrying? We need to pass the exams to even be able to freaking get into our second year!"

This did unnerve the two a bit, it was the first time they'd ever heard Zelda even come close to cursing. And, unfortunately, the school's teachers were thinking along the same lines. They started piling so much homework on them that half of Easter break was spent finishing it all. Even after finishing all that, Zelda still insisted on going over everything again and again just to make sure it was hammered into their minds. On one of these particular afternoons, halfway through the break, the three of them were still to be found in the library trying to finish up their work.

"Oh, forget this!" Link burst out, tossing his pen down and looking out the window desperately. It was the first sunny day they'd had in a while.

Mario's attention, however, was caught by something else altogether. Looking up from one of his books to rest his eyes briefly, he saw a familiar shape shuffling through the library. "Crazy! What are you doing here?"

Sure enough, a couple seconds later, Crazy came around the shelf, quickly shifting into human form to hide something behind the back he wouldn't have had otherwise. "I just have a looksee," he said unconvincingly. "Just browsin'. What _you _up to? Still look for Dampe?" he added, suddenly suspicious.

"No, don't worry about that," Link said. "We already found out who he is, a while ago, in fact. We even know what Duon's guarding: a Hylian-"

"Quiets!" Crazy said quickly, looking around like he expected a piano to fall out of the sky. "What wrong wit yous head? You not just go shout about stuff like dat!"

"Actually, we wanted to ask you a couple things about it," Mario said, coming clean. "Like, what's guarding the thing aside from Duon-"

"_Quiets!" _Crazy insisted. "Okays, listen- stop by mies house a little later. I not promise nutin, but it safer talk about it dere, less likely overheard. Even from teachers, students no supposed to knows, dey tink I tells you..."

"Okay. See you later," Mario said. Crazy crept out of the library, still trying to keep whatever was behind his back out of sight.

"I wonder what he was hiding," Zelda said.

"Maybe it was something to do with the stone?" Mario suggested.

"I'll go see what section he was in," said Link, who'd been looking for a way away from the workload. For a second, he vanished among the shelves, and when he reappeared, he had a single book in his arms. "Bosses," he said. "Look at this one, _Recognizing the Bosses of the World."_

"Crazy's always wanted a boss, he told me so offscreen about ten chapters back," Mario said.

"Yeah, but it's been outlawed for a while now," Link said. "Bosses are gigantic and nearly impossible to hide, and it would be hard to stay secret if we had those things in our yards. Even if they were a bit more subtle, they're downright brutal at the best of times- you should see the bruises Midna's gotten off of wild ones in her work."

"Are there any of them over here?" Mario asked.

"Well, yeah. They populate wherever they can. Keeping them quiet is a lot of trouble for the government, I can tell you that. We keep having to make muggles who've seen them forget, and that's a lot more trouble than it sounds."

"So what does Crazy want with these books?" Zelda wondered.

XXXX

And so it came to be that, as the three of them walked across the field towards Crazy's house at the edge of the Lost Woods, they were surprised to find all the curtains and drapes closed. They looked around. It was a nice and sunny day.

When they knocked, they heard Crazy's voice saying, "Who dere?" before they were let in. After letting them in, Crazy shut the door as quick as he could. Inside, it was hot to insane temperatures. It was a warm day outside, but for reasons best known to himself, Crazy had a great fire burning in his grate. Crazy made them some soda and offered them some food that they refused in the interest of keeping their taste buds.

"So," Crazy finally said, "Yous wanted teh asks me a question?"

"Yeah," Mario said. Deciding to simply get to the point, he said, "We wanted to know what's guarding the stone. Aside from Duon, of course."

"I not able to tells you dat," Crazy said, like this should be obvious- which, looking back, it had been. "Even if I knews myself, you knows too much dan ish good already. I guess you already work out about teh National Smashers Bank- the Stone almost stolen from dere, Matter Hand n' Kakariko don't need no more trouble. I still wonder how you know 'bout Duon."

"Oh, come on, Crazy, even if you don't want to tell us, you do know more than you're saying, you have to, you know everything about this place," Zelda said in a warm voice. Even though he was a hand, they could tell that Crazy was pleased. "What we were really wondering," Zelda went on, "was who did the guarding, more than anything. After all, the Master Hand must have trusted someone aside from you."

"Well," Crazy said, thinking about it, "I guess it no hurts to tell yous dat. Let's see... he gets Duon from yous truly... udder teachers gets in on da act... Daisy, Pikachus, Samus..." he was counting them off on his fingers, which was quite a spectacle, given his current form, "dere Mewtwos n' Dedede... da Matter Hand himself do sumtin, of course. Dere one more guy, doe. Who was it... oh, yeahs, Wolf."

"_Wolf?"_

"Well, yeahs. You not still talkin' 'bout dat, ares yeh? Wolfies help guard teh Stone, why he steal it?"

Mario, however, knew that Link and Zelda were thinking what he was: If Wolf was in on the guard, he must already know about a good number of the protections. He probably knew everything- except, judging by his conversation with Dedede, how to get through Duon and whatever Dedede himself did.

"You're the only one who knows how to get past Duon, aren't you?" Mario asked. "And you wouldn't tell anyone else? Not even Samus?"

"No one knows 'cept me n' da Master Hand," Crazy said proudly.

"That is something," Mario muttered. Thus relatively satisfied, he said, "Crazy, do you mind opening a window? I'm dying in here."

"Sorries, I not do dat," Crazy said, throwing a quick glance at the fire. Mario followed his gaze, not knowing he'd likely regret it for the rest of his life.

"What is that, Crazy?" he asked, astonished. He didn't really need to ask, though. In the center of the fire, there was an _egg.*_

"Well," Crazy said, fidgeting uncomfortably, "Dat... dat ish..."

"Where did you get that, Crazy?" Link asked. "That must have cost you at _least _500 rupies."

"It free, I wins it," Crazy said. "Just last nights, as matter of fact. I over in village havin' drink or two... or tree... Anyways, I gets into a card game wit dis random stranger. Really, he sounded happy to gets rid of it..."

"What are you going to do with that when it hatches?" Zelda asked, looking astonished.

"I does some reading!" Crazy said, pulling a book from behind his sofa. "From da libraries. It from back when bosses not banned, but it got all da info. Not all bosses from eggs, obviously, dis one special- it a Raquaza, one of da rarest bosses dere is!"

As pleased as Crazy seemed with himself, none of the others could share his excitement. Zelda, in particular, had read about Raquazas before, and was naturally nervous. "Crazy, that thing won't even fit in your house!"

But Crazy seemed to have dropped out of reality, admiring the egg in the fire.

XXXX

And so it came to be that another worry was tossed onto their already-considerable pile: What would happen to Crazy if anyone found out he was keeping an illegal boss in his small house.

"I wonder if we'll ever get some peace," Link sighed as they continued to waste their break struggling through some more extra homework. Zelda, tired of waiting for them to make their own study schedules, had made some for them.

One morning, as they were eating breakfast, Mario looked up to see Parrakarry flying in with the other albatrosses. The bird dropped the note in front of him and swooped back out. Looking at the letter, Mario saw only two simple words: _It hatching._

Link wanted to skip their next class (Protection from the Evils) and go straight to Crazy's to see the Raquaza come out, but Zelda, of course, wouldn't have it.

"Zelda, Raquazas are one of the rarest bosses in the _world!" _Link objected. "How many opportunities are we gonna get to see one hatch?"

"We've got lessons, we'll get into trouble!" Zelda insisted. "And no matter how much trouble _we _got into, that's _nothing _compared to what'll happen to Crazy if anyone finds out he's hiding a _Raquaza _in his-"

"Shut up!" Mario said as loud as he could while still being quiet. A few feet away, Mario's eyes had fallen on a passerby who'd stopped cold listening: Bowser. Mario couldn't be sure how much Bowser had heard, but he didn't like the look on Bowser's face.

After Bowser had moved on, Link and Zelda continued arguing the subject all the way to Protection from the Evils class. Finally, Zelda agreed to go down to Crazy's during morning break. As soon as the bell signaled said break, they all packed up as quick as they could and hurried over.

Crazy answered instantly, opening the door and closing it again as soon as they were inside. "It almost out!" he said, looking around before closing the door again.

The egg itself was lying on the table. It was rocking back and forth, and there were already cracks running along it. They all pulled up chairs and watched, holding their breath.

Suddenly, with a great cracking, the egg burst. The Raquaza itself fell out on the table. It wasn't what Mario would call pretty- it looked something like a white snake, except it has short arms with claws. It had spines all down its back.

"Isn't it _beautiful?" _Crazy asked of no one in particular. He reached out a finger and touched the top of its head. The Raquaza snapped at him. "He even know me!" Crazy said proudly.

"How fast do these things grow, exactly?" Zelda asked nervously. Crazy turned to her, perhaps about to answer, when the hand suddenly froze. Considering his usual spastic movement, this was saying something. Where they assumed the hand looked from while in that form was looking out the window.

"Is something wrong?" Mario asked.

"Dere was someone look true da curtains," Crazy said. "One of da students- he head back up to da mansion."

Mario bolted to the window. The great thing about anthros is that they stick out like sore thumbs. That said, even at a distance, Mario could recognize an anthropomorphic turtle.

Bowser had seen the Raquaza.

XXXX

This is why Bowser's smile over the next week made the three of them extremely nervous. They spent what little free time they had trying to reason with Crazy.

"You have to let him go," Mario urged. "Set him free."

"I do dat, he die!" Crazy said, sounding horrified at the thought.

The three had to look at the dragon to see if it had suddenly diminished in size or ferocity since their last visit. Nope, if anything, it had gotten bigger. Before, it had been about the size of the average anaconda. Now it was at least three times that, and the eyes were as wild-looking as ever. So busy was Crazy with the thing that he hadn't been attending to his duties as Wildlife Manager.

"Iz call him Steve now!" Crazy said. "He know me! Steve, boy! Steve, where daddy?"

"He's gone insane. More than usual, I mean," Link said quietly to Mario. "I feel like going to sleep and not coming out until it's safe again out here."

"Crazy," Mario said, addressing the hand once again, "It's grown to this size in only one week! Give it two more and it'll be able to wrap around your house and crush it like a soda can! Even if he wasn't growing, Bowser knows, and he could go to the Master Hand any minute!"

"I knows I not able to keep him," Crazy said, sounding resigned, "but I not able teh just toss him out."

Mario suddenly turned on Link. "Midna," he said.

"Great, now you're insane, too!" Link said exasperatedly. "I'm _Link, _remember?"

"No, Midna. Your sister. She studies bosses, doesn't she? We could send Steve over to her, she could take care of him before releasing him into the wild." Mario was uncomfortably aware of how insane this sentence would sound in any other scenario. Heck, it sounded insane in this one.

"That's actually a good idea!" Link said. "How does that sound, Crazy?"

After a bit of conversation, Crazy agreed that Midna should be sent a letter.

XXXX

Another week trudged by. One particular Thursday found Zelda and Mario alone in the hub, waiting for Link. No sooner had the clock chimed midnight than Link burst in through the portrait hole. He was pulling off the invisibility blanket, sounding extremely agitated. He'd just been down at Crazy's, trying to help feed Steve.

"That- thing- bit- me!" he said as loudly as he could while still keeping it down- he didn't want to announce it to the world. "I won't be able to hold anything with this hand for a while! Crazy's losing any sanity he had left! He said I scared it! I was just offering it some food, and it got me!"

Link was interrupted by a noise at the window.

"Parrakarry!" Mario said. "He'll have Midna's answer!"

The three of them took the note from Parrakarry and read:

_Hello, Link!_

_How's it been going? Got your letter. Yeah, I'll take that Raquaza off your hands. Never been one for rules anyways. The really hard thing will be getting him over here. I've got some friends who will be in the area in a couple days, maybe they can pick it up while they're there. Of course, that leads to another problem: they can't be seen with a Raquaza. _

_Probably the best thing to do would be to carry it up to the tallest tower on Saturday, midnight. Don't ask how we'll get it down, it'll work out like that. We'll need an answer, of course._

_Midna_

_P.S.: Do you have bread?_

"Do you have bread?" Mario asked of Link.

"Long story," Link said, his ears turning red.

Looking back at the letter, Mario finally decided: "Well, we've got the blanket. With luck, it can cover two of us and Steve."

As strange as it sounded, the other two had to agree. Anything to get Steve- and Bowser- off their backs.

XXXX

There was a catch to it, of course. Mario was starting to think that everything in life had a catch to it. The next morning, Link awoke to find that his hand hadn't healed at all, was still bleeding, and had actually gotten worse. They'd previously agreed not to take him to the school nurse, for fear of raising uncomfortable questions, but it was starting to look like they didn't have a choice. Link left for the hospital wing after second period.

And so it came to be that, when Mario and Zelda checked on him at the end of the day, they found him sweating badly, looking incredibly nervous.

"It's not the hand," he said, starting an explanation, "It hurts, but... Bowser came in here earlier, said he wanted to borrow one of my books. It was just an excuse, of course, he wanted to have a couple laughs. I told the nurse a dog got me, but I'm not sure she believed me, and Bowser was talking about telling her the truth. He wants to get back at me for the Smash-Up match, I shouldn't have hit him..."

"It's fine," Zelda said, trying to comfort him. "This whole thing will be behind us on midnight on Saturday."

Far from calming Link down, this made him start sweating even more as he sat bolt upright. "Oh, crud!" he exclaimed. "That book that Bowser borrowed had Midna's letter in it, I was using it as a bookmark! He might find out about the do you have bread thing!"

"Yeah, what is that all about?" Mario asked.

"Nothing!" Link said, turning red again. "What I meant to say is, he'll know we're going to try and get rid of Steve!"

Mario opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Nurse Tessie, who came over and made them leave, saying Link needed rest.

"It's too late to change the plan," Mario said to Zelda out in the hallway. "By the time we could send Midna another letter, her friends will already be here, and this could be our only chance anyways. Besides, we've got the blanket, Bowser can't know about that."

When they headed down to Crazy's to fill him in about Midna's letter, they found Zoey outside, whimpering but not straying too far from Crazy's house. When they knocked, instead of opening the door, Crazy opened a window to talk to them.

"I not able teh let yous in," he said by way of explanation. "Stevies at a bit of a tricksy stage, not dat I no handle it."

As they filled him in, he suddenly gasped. "Iz just fine, he no break skin!" he insisted when they asked him about it. "He just want play. He a baby, isn't he?"

As they completed the explanation, the baby almost broke the windows with the vibrations caused by its tail. They left after Crazy agreed, feeling that Saturday would never come.

XXXX

It was a dark and stormy night when they finally started the walk out to Crazy's to pick up Steve. They were slightly late because they'd had to wait for the Boo to leave the entrance hall, where he'd been defacing the walls with a variety of spray-paint and posters.

Crazy already had Steve packed away in a crate, ready for the move. "He all ready," Crazy said. As Mario and Zelda picked up the Raquaza (Link, obviously, couldn't come with them,) Crazy called out, "Sees you, Steve! Daddy not forgets!"

Looking back on it, they could never exactly figure out how they managed to lug the thing up all the way through the mansion. They were working on a time limit, and it took forever just to carry the crate up the first flight of stairs. It would have been better transporting a box of rocks- rocks wouldn't fight back, thrashing against the case and making it even harder to carry.

Just as they were arriving at the entrance to the tallest tower of the mansion, something happened that almost made them drop the crate. They shrank into the shadows, almost forgetting that they were already invisible. A light flashed down another hallway, revealing two figures going down it.

The figures in question were Samus Aran and Bower. Samus had Bowser by one of his horns and was dragging him along.

"Detention!" she snarled. "And fifty points from Sierra! What you were doing up here at this time of night-"

"You got it wrong! Mario Mario's comin'- with a Raquaza!"

"I don't even want to know where you got that lie from! I'll have to talk to Wolf O'Donnel about you!"

Somehow, it was much easier climbing the stairs after that. Still, though, they didn't dare to remove the blanket until they had actually arrived at the top of the tower. After tugging it off and taking deep breaths of refreshing air, Zelda's joy became apparent.

"Bowser in detention! I could sing!"

"I wouldn't recommend it," Mario muttered, though he felt fairly joyful himself.

About ten minutes later, they looked up to see a series of black squares falling out of the sky. They clumped together and gained color to eventually form humans.

Midna's friends were cheerful and mischievous-looking. They demonstrated their own special powers when they pointed at the crate. What looked like orange lightning briefly surrounded it, before it collapsed into more black squares that floated into the sky. They assured them that Steve and the crate would rematerialize where they would be able to take care of it. They then teleported away themselves.

Steve was finally gone.

They jumped back down the staircase, feeling insanely joyful. Steve was gone... Bowser was in detention... what could possibly go wrong?

And so it came to be that they got their first lesson in tempting fate. As they jumped the last couple of stairs into the 33rd-story hallway, a voice they recognized as Mido's spoke out of the darkness. "Take a good look, shall you? This night might be the last you spend in this mansion." Suddenly, Mido's lamp flared and his face was revealed. Startled, they saw him smile, and realized they'd forgotten the blanket at the top of the tower. "Oh, dear, we _are _in trouble," he said.

Oops.

_XXXX_

*Sorry if I'm getting any Raquaza-stuff wrong, but I know nothing about it outside its appearance in Brawl.

What's this? Two updates in one week? If that's not a sign of the apocalypse, it should be. Anyways, please R&R, flames are not appreciated, though constructed criticism is, Gamer4 out.


	17. The Lost Woods

Gamer4 in. Due to my computer blue-screen-of-deathing, this is the fourth time I've written this intro. Well, let's see if 4 really is a lucky number, shall we?

Disclaimer: I've said it enough times. Even once is enough. More than enough, really.

Chapter XVII

The Lost Woods

_That _was what could possibly go wrong.

Mido took them to Samus's room on the second floor. Throughout the wait, neither of them spoke. Zelda, in particular, looked like she was ready to faint. Mario was halfheartedly trying to think of an excuse or an alibi, or anything that could possibly improve the situation. Nothing came to mind. They were done. How could they have forgotten the blanket? It was the only thing keeping them from getting caught. There was nothing they could say that would make it better: the tower they'd been on was 100% off-limits aside from classes. Telling the truth wouldn't do any good either: throwing in Steve and the blanket could only ruin what little chance they had of not getting expelled.

And so it came to be that they got their second lesson in tempting fate. They'd just been thinking that it couldn't get any worse when the door opened and Samus came in, with Luigi trailing behind her, with his head down in shame.

On looking up and catching sight of them, Luigi burst out, "Mario! I was trying to find you, I had to warn you, Bowser was going around, he said he was going to catch you with a Ray-"

Mario shook his head violently, willing Luigi to stop, which he did, but it was too late. As she glared down at them, Samus suddenly looked much more dangerous than any Rayquaza ever could. "I can barely believe this! Up in the astronomy tower, at midnight, without permission. Explain!"

Zelda, at this point, seemed to have been turned to stone.

"Let's see if I can work it out, shall we? You fed Bowser Dragmire some story about a Rayquaza, hoping he'd get caught. He's already been caught and punished. I'm guessing you think it's funny that Luigi heard the story too?"

Mario tried to convey that this last wasn't true without words. Poor Luigi, he'd wanted to help two of the only people who'd ever been nice to him...

"I am angry with you now, if you couldn't tell," Samus said. "Four students breaking the same rule in one night. Hyrule, I thought you had more sense! Luigi, you never stood out as a rule breaker! Mario, I thought Nintendo meant more to you than what you've demonstrated here. You will all receive detention, and fifty points from Nintendo. Each."

"Ms. Aran, please!" This last was even more than they'd expected.

"You can't-"

"Don't tell me what I can or can't do. Back to bed, all of you! Now!"

150 points. A _hundred and fifty points. _In _one night. _Nintendo was in last place. Deep in last place. They'd never recover from this.

Mario couldn't sleep that night, and thus could hear that Luigi wasn't asleep either. He knew that neither of them were looking forward to seeing the other Nintendos' reactions when they saw what had happened.

And rightly so. Initially, when the Nintendos that passed by the gigantic numbers written on the mansion's walls that recorded points, they thought there was some mistake. There was no possible way for them to be down a hundred and fifty points, how could that have happened? Mario wasn't sure how the news leaked out, but leak it did: it was Mario Mario, the hero of two Smash-Up games, and a couple of other random noobs, Zelda Hyrule and Luigi something-or-other that had lost them those points.

Mario's popularity dropped significantly over the course of that day. Even Retros and Hals turned on him, because they'd been desperate to finally see an end to the reign of Sierra. Why they couldn't try and do something about it themselves, Mario didn't know, but he wasn't exactly about to say that to their faces. He was already receiving so many insults that it almost reminded him of back in muggle school. The Sierras, however, had a different approach. They were constantly offering him their thanks for pushing them into the lead. Bowser's lost points didn't have the same effect on them. For one, it was a third of what Nintendo had lost.

Through all this, the only one (aside from Zelda and Luigi, who were sharing the torment,) who stood by him was Link.

"Don't worry about it," he assured Mario one day. "They'll forget it in a few weeks, a month at most. Kirby and Meta have lost way more points than that in their time, and they're still popular."

"Have they ever lost a hundred fifty points at once?"

"Well, no..."

Even though it was much too late to possibly repair any of the damage he'd caused, Mario gave it a shot. He resolved to, from that day forth, not get involved in things that didn't concern him. He was through with sneaking around and spying, he was sick of it. If his life were a video game, he didn't want it to be stealth, leave that to guys named Snake.

Even Smash-Up was losing its fun. Captain Falcon didn't seem as angry with Mario as he'd expected, as long as Mario kept working hard for the team, but the rest of the team had turned against him. They refused to speak to him, and if they had to bring him up at all, they refused to use his real name.

Luigi and Zelda were suffering as well. Not as bad, (the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall, and all that,) but the few people that would speak to them stopped. The change was much more noticeable in Zelda (Luigi was a butt monkey among the students anyways,) who stopped volunteering information in classes, working in silence.

It got to the point that Mario was almost happy that the exams were drawing so near. At least all the hard studying forced him to focus on things aside from being completely shunned. He, Zelda, and Link (who eventually became hated by association) started keeping completely to themselves, working late into the night, remembering the properties of fire flowers and basic mushrooms, studying the proper technique of slingshot-firing, memorizing dates of the creation of other dimensions...

It was about a week before the exams that Mario's resolution about not meddling was put to its first test. He was walking down the hall, heading to the library for another book on power-ups when he heard a voice from a nearby room. As he drew closer, he recognized it as Dedede's. Moving closer, he caught a bit of what he was saying. "Look, we've been at this all year, I'm starting-" here there was a sudden pause. "I know, but I feel like this is the short end of the stick, and-" another pause. When Dedede spoke again, his voice was extremely shaky. "Okay, I hear you. I'll... be leaving."

Mario barely had time to duck out of the way before the door swung open and Dedede came out, hurrying down the hallway. Mario stared. Dedede didn't even seem to notice him, he was too busy hurrying down the hallway, not even bothering to straighten his turban, and looking nervously from side to side.

Mario made sure that Dedede was out of any sight before he turned and looked inside the room. It was empty, but on the other side there was an open door. He was halfway to it before he remembered the resolution. Still, he was willing to bet a lot that Wolf had just left that way, and from what he'd just heard, Wolf would be a lot happier next power-ups class. It sounded like Dedede had given in at last.

Mario continued to the library, where, sure enough, he found Zelda and Link. Zelda was currently reading out of a book, apparently giving Link a bit of a history test. After they noticed him, he quickly filled them in on the incident.

"Wolf's done it, then," Link said. "If Dedede's really given in, Wolf will be after the stone before we can say-"

"You're forgetting Duon," Zelda pointed out.

"Wolf could find a way past him without Crazy's help," Link insisted. "There's probably a book somewhere that tells you how to get past a giant two-bodied mech. So what now, Mario?"

Link looked ready to go, but Zelda interjected before Mario could even consider a response.

"We go to the Master Hand," she said. "We should have done it right from the start. We try to do anything ourselves, we'll get expelled for sure."

"The problem with that is that we don't have any proof," Mario pointed out. "Even if Dedede wasn't being intimidated by Wolf, his ego wouldn't let him admit that he cracked. We tell them about Wolf and the snorlax, all he has to say is that he has no idea how it got in, who do you think they'll believe? Him or us? Mido could back us up if he wanted, but the only situation he'd even consider it in would be if his life depended on it. He wants to see us all kicked out anyways. Even if Dedede would back us up, how would we explain how we knew about the stone in the first place?"

Zelda, convinced, turned back to the history book. Link, however, wasn't giving up yet.

"If we just do a bit of looking-"

"No," Mario said. "We've done enough."

With this, he started studying the geography of Tallon IV.

XXXX

There was, however, one thing they'd forgotten: the detention. The next morning, Mario, Luigi, and Zelda all received identical letters:

Your detention will occur at 11:00 sharp tonight. Meet Mido in the entrance hall.

Samus Aran.

What with everything else that had been happening, Mario had almost forgotten about the detentions they still had to serve.

So, at 11:00 that night, they said a quick farewell to Link, who promised to wait for them, and headed to the entrance hall with Luigi. Mido was already there, along with a disgruntled-looking Bowser. Add to the list of things Mario had recently forgotten: Bowser had a detention to serve too.

"Follow me," Mido said, still wearing that creepy smile as he led them outside. As he led them, he muttered, "I'll bet you'll think twice before you break our rules again, after this... if you survive, of course. Pain and suffering are the best teachers, I don't know what happened to the good old days. Used to be, if you broke a rule, you had to hang from the ceiling by your thumbs for a day or two. Now, here we go, and don't think of running, you'll just make things worse for yourselves if you do."

As they were going across the field, Mario could hear Luigi shivering next to him. Mario was wondering what their punishment would be. Given Mido's apparent delight with it, he decided to leave it out of his mind.

Deciding to focus on something else, he looked up at the full moon, that kept getting tossed behind black clouds. Wondering where they were going, he saw, with a bit of shock, that they were on their way to Crazy's house.

"Dat yous, Mido? Iz been waitin' for yous, howlong it really take?"

Mario felt a small amount of relief. Crazy wouldn't be too brutal with them. This must have shown on his face: Mido turned on him, grinning malevolently. "You think you'll be enjoying yourself with that moronic hand? You might want to rethink. You're going into the Lost Woods!" He wasn't even trying to hide his delight. On hearing this news, Luigi started leaning on Mario for support, afraid his legs would give out, and Bowser stopped walking altogether.

"The forest?" he asked, suddenly losing his cool. "At night? But the word on the wind says that there are... stalfos in there, and redeads!"

Luigi really did start needing Mario's support at this point.

"Worried about the undead, huh?" Mido was looking like Christmas had come again. "Should have thought of that before you went breaking our rules!"

Turning, they saw Crazy coming through the dark, in hand form, carrying a giant lantern, with Zoe at his side. "Heres you is," he said, seeing them. "It been half hour since Samus tells me you be here. You tree alright?" he added, addressing Mario, Luigi, and Zelda.

"Don't be too nice with them, Crazy," Mido said, apparently unsatisfied that Crazy wasn't continuing his monologue. "They're here to be punished, not rewarded."

"Yous late for dat? I held up half hour for lectures? Iz take over from here, back to mansion!"

"I'll be back for whatever's left of them," Mido said, turning back to the mansion.

Bowser immediately turned to Crazy. "I ain't going in no forest," he said, making a poor attempt at hiding his panic.

"Youz gotta, you wanna stay at dis school," Crazy said. "You do wrong, you gotsta pay."

"This is servant stuff! We should be copying lines, not going into psychotic forests with psychotic hands! If my father knew I was doing this, he'd-"

"-Say that dat how tings roll here!" Crazy interrupted. "Copy lines don't do no one no good, dat one ting Mido 'n I agrees on! Yous gotta do someting useful or gets out. I no force you into da forest, you head back 'n pack if you wants, da mansion just up there!" Here, he pointed up at the mansion, which, given the circumstances, was a fairly impressive move.

Bowser, however, didn't leave. He glared furiously at the hand for a second, but seemed resigned.

"Dat better," Crazy said, calming down. "Now, listen ups! Our job dangerous, less risks, teh better! Follows me!" He led them to the edge of the forest, holding up the lantern. Looking into the darkness, they saw a narrow path that led into the woods. It looked like the same path that Mario had followed Wolf down. Pointing, Crazy said, "Sees dat stuff down there?" Looking, Mario saw a pool of something that he couldn't identify, shining silver in the moonlight. "Dis stuff da blood of a rapidash.* One of dem gets hurt bad. Third one dis week. We gotsta find da poor ting, n' see what we do. Worst come to, we haveta put out of misery."

"What if whatever's doin' it finds us first?" Bowser asked, barely hiding his fear.

"Nutin' in dis forest hurts yous if you wit me or Zoe," Crazy assured him. "Well, yous gotta keep to da path too. Now, da edges of teh forest be a bit of a maze. Iz take us true dat, den we gotsa split up. Dere too much blood to takeses just one path."

"I get Zoe!" Bowser said instantly.

"Wells, alrighty. Gotsta warn you, doe, she teh most docile ting ever," Crazy said. "In dat case, me, Mario, and Zelda go one way, Bowser go da udder way wit Weegee n' Zoe. Someone find da rapidash, gives us a shout. Now, you alls gets fire power?" They all nodded. "Goods. You gets in trouble, send some upsies. Worst come to, jus' run to da maze, take random paths. You eventually come out next my house. We all clear? Goodsies, let go."

The forest was dark. Not too dark to see, but Mario was straining his eyes nonetheless. As Crazy had said, they first went through a maze-like section of the forest, with multiple tunnels made of entwined tree branches that were thicker and darker than the rest of the forest. They eventually came to the fork Crazy had mentioned and split up: Mario, Crazy, and Zelda went right, while Bowser, Luigi, and Zoe went left.

They walked silently. Mario was creeped out by the complete lack of any sound, but was, at the same time, afraid to break the silence. The only apparent change in the forest around them as they walked the path was that there was an occasional splash of the rapidash's blood, which didn't exactly help matters.

Finally, Mario summoned the courage to speak. "So," he said, speaking carefully and quietly, "could a redead be killing these rapidashes?"

"Redeads no fast enough," Crazy said, following Mario's lead in speaking quietly. "Dey like turtles teh rapidash kart. Well, redeads like turtles to _turtle's _karts, really. Dey only able teh catch anyting by paralyze dem. But rapidashes no get paralyze, dey protected from dat stuff. I see tem gets hurt before, but not like dis."

Thus reassured, Mario pulled as close as he could to the others. _Great, _he thought. _Whatever's doing this is worse than a redead. That's wonderful. I wasn't planning on sleeping for a month anyways..._

"Youz alright, Zelda?" Crazy asked, checking with her. "You don't gotta worries, da poor ting not get far dis hurt, we just find it, den we be able teh- GETS BEHIND DAT TREE!"

"We'll be able to what?" Mario asked, just as Crazy grabbed both of them and pulled them behind the indicated tree. Once there, he quickly let go and seemed to be getting ready for something. Mario and Zelda listened, trying to hear what had spooked the disembodied limb. Listening carefully, they were able to hear a faint sound of something dragging over the leaves there. Crazy was carefully peering around the trunk of their tree, but was apparently unable to see anything. After a few moments that seemed more like a few eternities, silence fell again.

"Dat what I think," Crazy said, leaving the tree's shelter and returning to the path. "Dere sometin here dat not belongs."

"A redead?" Mario suggested, following him with Zelda behind him.

"Redeads more quiets den tat, 'les dey about teh spring. Too slow teh make any real noisies. Dat no rapidash eader, I tells you dat much."

For the next part of the trek, they traveled even quieter than before, if that was possible. Even Crazy was giving the illusion of sanity in order to keep as quiet as possible. As they stepped into a clearing, they all suddenly definitely heard a noise.

"Who you?" Crazy called out. "I warn yous, we ready!"

Into the clearing came yet another thing that Mario had never expected to see in his life, though he was starting to expect more and more from his time in the smasher world: it looked relatively humanoid; it at least had a head, arms, legs, and other things associated with humanity. However, its skin was green, with designs imprinted around its body in a lighter shade of green. Mario couldn't tell whether the designs were tatooed there (for want of a better word) or if it was a natural part of the creature. He wouldn't really have been surprised. The face was definitely inhuman, though not necessarily malevolent. The eyes were entirely black. It had no hair, and its entire back seemed to be made of solid rock.

"Oh, it you," Crazy said, sounding relieved. Mario and Zelda took this as a sign to pick up their fallen jaws and were able to approach safely.

"Crazy," the thing said. "Were you going to attack me?"

"Wells, nutting personal," Crazy said. "Youz gotta be on guard out heres, youknow. Dere someting here dat not supposed to be, so dese woods even more dangerous den usual. Dis here Mario Mario n' Zelda Hyrule. Dey students at da school. Dis here Darunia, he a goron!" he added, addressing Mario and Zelda.

"Do you learn anything up there?" the goron asked, turning his attention to them.

"A bit," Zelda said hesitantly, clearly intimidated.

"Ah. That's something, I guess," Darunia said. Looking up, he added, "The moon is bright tonight."

Glancing up, Crazy said, "Yeah, dat bright. It _ish _a full moon. Dere a rapidash out heres, by da way. Yous see anyting?"

"The innocent are always endangered."

"Unfortunately, dat about rights," Crazy said. "But yous see da rapidash? Or anyting unusual?"

"The moon is unusually bright, even for a full one."

"Anyting a bit closer here?"

"This forest hides many secrets."

A sudden noise behind them had Crazy getting ready again, but it turned out to just be another goron. This one was larger, and had what looked like a rock crew cut on his head.

"Darbus," Crazy said. "Dis one da chief of da tribe out heres." Addressing Darbus, he said, "Darbus! Listens, Iz just ask Darunia heresies, yous see anyting strange out here?"

"Crazy. I hope you are doing well." Looking up, Darbus added, "Something strange? The moon is bright."

Crazy lost his patience. "Wells," he said, "youz see anyting, lets us know." Here, he led Mario and Zelda from the clearing and returning to the path.

As soon as Darunia and Darbus were out of earshot, Crazy let his impatience show. "Dese gorons out here gotta be da worst for info," he said. "Dey come from da mountains, completely different culture den, I hear dere still some up dere dat keep to da older ways, but it just our luck dat we gets da philosophers. Anyting closer dan da moon not matter to dem. Dey not dangerous 'les you provoke dem, doe, so we lucky in a ways. Dere much more worse tribes of gorons, I hears."

"Could that have been a goron we heard earlier?"

"Dat really sound like rock? No, dat ting probably what be after da rapidashes."

More silence and darkness. Mario had been afraid they wouldn't experience that sense of creeping fear, and was relieved to have it with them again. Crazy was definitely a comfort. Suddenly, Zelda let out a shout, pointing up. "Crazy!" she said. "Fire! The others are in trouble!"

"Youz wait here!" Crazy said. "I be back!"

With this, Crazy shot off through the forest towards the burst of fire they'd seen.

"You don't think they're in real trouble, do you?" Zelda asked anxiously.

"Who cares if Bowser is, but if something's got Luigi... it's our fault he's out here in the first place."

The silence before had been a relaxing vacation compared to this. Every shadow seemed to be leering at them, and Mario anxiously returned his hat to his head.

After a bit, voices coming up the path announced Crazy's return. Crazy sounded furious. As it transpired, Bowser had decided Luigi wasn't suffering enough and had snuck up behind him and grabbed him, announcing that Luigi would either die or allow him to make Luigi's face the greatest in Koridai.** Luigi's ensuing panic had resulted in the fire, which had somehow not harmed the forest at all.

"All dat noise, we be lucky if da rapidash still in dis forest!" Crazy said. "Wez gonna change groups again. Dere anudder fork up ahead. Weegee come wit me, Mario goze wit Bowser n' Zoe." Crazy, leaning towards Mario, added, "Sorries, but dis job gotsta get done, and we gets nowhere if Bowser go wit someone who get scared by dose references."

And so it came to be that Mario and Bowser were to be found trekking through the forest with a golden retriever at their side. This was even worse than the wait for Crazy with Zelda: at least Zelda had a relatively comforting presence, where Bowser was spending his time complaining and bemoaning their situation. Mario was trying to block him out by focusing on keeping his eyes peeled for the rapidash. Suddenly, they came upon a clearing, and in the center, there was something white on the ground.

"Look!" Mario said quietly, holding up a hand to silence Bowser. Bowser, finally stopping his current rant about how horrible the situation was, came forward and looked down as well.

Mario had only seen rapidashes in school books, and those pictures failed to convey the truth of the creature. It wasn't much less beautiful in death than it was supposed to be in life, but the fire that was supposed to surround the horse had gone out. It seemed utterly broken and was quite clearly dead.

Mario took a nervous step towards it, but a sudden noise stopped him. Bowser was shivering beside him, not daring to take even one step forward. Looking towards whatever Bowser was looking at, Mario saw it. Out of the shadows came a thing... the thing was covered up with a robe that looked like Death's. Whatever it was, it was tall and thin, and completely hidden behind the robe. Whatever it was, it was going across the clearing. As the two watched, Zoe quivering beside them, it crossed the clearing, bent down over the rapidash, and began to drink its blood.

Bowser let out a loud, long, bloodcurdling scream and shot off in the opposite direction. Zoe followed behind, tail between her legs. With its attention caught, the figure looked up and saw Mario standing there, to horrified to move.

Suddenly, a burst of pain slammed into Mario. The creature hadn't moved, and Mario didn't understand where it was coming from, but a horrible pain was striking his scar. It felt like someone was pressing an M-shaped brand to his forehead. He staggered back, tripped over a root, and fell. Looking up, hand pressed to his scar, he saw the figure approaching him.

Suddenly, he heard another sound. It sounded like a boulder was rolling through the forest. Looking up, he saw what looked like a boulder rolling into the clearing and slamming into the figure at full force. The figure was knocked back into a tree, and, upon getting up, retreated back into the woods.

Suddenly, all at once, the pain stopped, and Mario was able to stand again. As he did, he saw that the boulder was unfolding itself and standing: it was yet another goron. This wasn't either Darunia or Darbus, though it was hard to tell.

"Are you alright?" the goron asked, seeing him standing again.

"Yeah... thank you... what... what was that?"

The goron didn't answer. He was looking at Mario, his eyes climbing up, and finally resting on Mario's scar. Though Mario couldn't see it, the scar was standing out much more clearly than it had in years, ever since its origination.

"You are the one with the repeated name," he said. "I am Dangoro."

"What was that thing?" Mario asked again.

"Do you know what the blood of a rapidash is used for?" Dangoro asked, dodging the question again.

"No," Mario said. "I only know about them from power-ups class, we use their hair in there from time to time, not too often, though."

"Murdering a rapidash, unless in self-defense, is a horrible crime, one committed by only those who have nothing to lose. Even one on their deathbed would be revived by the blood, but the price is much. For every moment after the blood enters your mouth, your life will be a shadow of what it was."

"Who'd be desperate enough to do that?" Mario asked. "If you're life will be tormented forever, wouldn't anyone prefer death?"

"Usually, yes. But what if the blood was only temporary, until you could obtain something else... something that would let you live forever, and lift the curse as well. You know what is in the school right now."

"Of course!" Mario exclaimed. "The Hylian Stone! But I still don't understand. Who-"

"You can't think of anyone? Someone who has clung to life since a great blow, who's been waiting for their chance?"

Suddenly, Mario's stomach vanished, and his heart seemed to turn to ice. It seemed like a voice was coming out of the darkness around them, repeating the words that Mario had heard from Crazy, back at that shack. _Some say he deads. Bubkiss, in mies opinion. I no tink he had enough humanity in him teh die. _

"You mean that thing... that killed the rapidash... that was Tab-"

"Mario! Mario!"

That was Zelda. Turning, Mario saw her running down towards the clearing, with Crazy, Luigi, Zoe, and Bowser hot on her heels. (Bowser looking reluctant, but not willing to be left alone in that forest.)

"Yous okay?" Crazy asked.

"Fine," Mario said, not believing himself capable of that lie. "Here's the rapidash. Dead."

"I have to leave you here," Dangoro said. "You are safe. I wish you luck."

This done, Dangoro folded back into a boulder and rolled off into the forest.

XXXX

Link, whatever else was said of him, was true to his word. He had followed what he'd said and waited for Mario and Zelda. And so it came to be that, when Mario, Zelda, and Luigi entered the hub, glad to have the detention overwith, to find Link sawing logs in the chair by the fire, Mario noted that Link's promise didn't necessarily entail his being awake at their return.

Link grumbled a bit at their waking him up (Luigi didn't take part in this, having headed up to bed,) but was quickly wide awake as they filled him in on the strange goings-on in the woods.

Mario couldn't have sat even if he'd wanted to. He was still shaking from the experience.

"So, this is it: Wolf wants the stone for Tabuu, and Tabuu's waiting in the forest for it. Man, and we thought Wolf wanted it for himself!"

"Please don't say the name," Link interjected, having winced at Tabuu's mention.

"Dangoro saved me, but if he hadn't, I'd probably be dead now. Who knows why Tabuu still wants me dead, aside from revenge, I guess, but he'd have gotten me if Dangoro hadn't turned up."

"Enough with the name!" Link insisted.

"So now, we only have to wait until Wolf gets his paws on the stone, revives Tabuu, and Tabuu comes back and finishes me off. I'm so glad I've been worrying about the final power-ups test."

Zelda looked just as scared as the other two, but had a word of comfort. "You're forgetting one thing. The Master Hand. Even when You-Know-Who had full power, he never dared come after the Smash Bros., not with the Master Hand there. As long as the Master Hand is here, Tabuu wouldn't dare come after any of us, not even you."

Mario glanced out the window. There was a tint of light. This was where they all finally went to bed, slightly comforted.

However, the Smash Mansion seemed, by its very design, to not want the surprises to end. And so it came to be that, when Mario headed up into bed, he found the blanket of invisibility folded at the foot. On top was a note with only four words on it.

_It may help you._

_XXXX_

*Thank you, River Raiden, for this idea.

**Yeah, I feel a little ashamed for making this reference.

Thank God this chapter is finally done! It's not the chapter itself, it's the number of blue-screen-of-deaths I got while trying to write it! It was three at the beginning, and went into 9001 while I was writing it. I finally got someone to look at this piece of junk, and hopefully, the blue-screen-of-deaths will stop now. Maybe it has something to do with this chapter being 13 pages long on my writing program. Who knows. Anyways, as some of you have pointed out, the story is starting to draw to a close. Thank you all for sticking with it this far. See you all next chapter. Please R&R, flames accomplish nothing, constructive criticism is embraced, Gamer4 out.

P.S.: As I was uploading this chapter, I realized that it was finished on the thirteenth too. This computer looked into the future, saw that the chapter would finish on the thirteenth, with thirteen pages, and punished me accordingly. Gamer4 out.


	18. The Hidden Door

Gamer4 in. Well, as several of you can probably already guess, we are now genuinely approaching the end. This story is coming to a close. Not this chapter, not the next, but soon. Let us now approach the end.

Disclaimer: Why must you torment me?

Chapter XVIII

The Hidden Door

All this resulted in an end-of-the-year-test-taking environment that Mario didn't particularly enjoy. The tests were bad enough, but Mario also found himself constantly looking over his shoulder, as if afraid that Tabuu would suddenly burst in to finish him. He had once again resorted to pressing his ear to Duon's door every time he passed it, and one of the things that kept him going was the thought that a gigantic two-bodied mech stood between Tabuu and his resurrection.

Winter had completely died out by this time, and the terrible cold had been replaced by an intense heat. Where Wolf's classes had once seemed like a jump from the metaphorical frying pan into the metaphorical fire, they now seemed like brief sanctuaries from the merciless heat that was pounding on the mansion. Well, they would if it weren't for Wolf being the teacher. It was even worse during the written portion of their tests, since during the practical parts, there was more going on to distract them.

And practical bits there were. Pikachu had them shooting targets with their slingshots and cutting ropes with their boomerangs. (Link did very well in the second area.) Samus had them trying to force small metal statues of pencils out of existence, no easy task. Wolf, predictably, seemed bent on making them as nervous as possible, skulking around and glaring at their work as they tried to remember how to make fire flowers.

Mario was doing everything he could to ignore the suffering he was enduring from his scar, which had barely stopped hurting since that night in the Lost Woods. Luigi, who had noticed that Mario could barely sleep, was worrying that Mario was suffering from anxiety towards the tests, but the truth was that Mario was suffering from a horrible nightmare about the night of his parents' death, complete with the image of the figure from the Woods. He was sure it would be Tabuu, but as it was, that figure was the closest thing he had to an image regarding him.

Whether it was because they hadn't seen that figure, or because they weren't having similar nightmares along with burning pains from old scars, Link and Zelda didn't seem nearly as worried as Mario was. They were too busy with the tests, after all, to worry much about what Wolf and Tabuu were planning.

The very last test that year was History of Smashing. Mario was struggling through the final hurdle: one last essay about psychos who invented a different breed of metroid, and he, along with Zelda and Link, would be free, until the results came in. When, at long last, Professor Andonuts told them to turn their paper over and put down their pens, there was much rejoicing.

"It wasn't as bad as I was afraid of," Zelda said. "I always heard they were Hell on earth, but I thought they were pretty fun, really."

Zelda would have liked to go over the tests afterwards, but, even if this wasn't prohibited by law, Link declared that he'd rather have Bowser make his face the greatest in Koridai,* so instead, they headed down to Lake Delfino, a wide lake that encompassed the western side of the mansion's hill. There were apparently giant fish-creatures living in those depths, and, as they leaned back against a tree, the three saw Kirby, Meta Knight, and Teddy messing around with one that seemed to have surfaced.

"Freedom!" Link declared to no one in particular. "We are done, and free!" Noticing Mario, he added, "What's wrong? We've got a week before we find out how badly we sucked, we don't have to worry yet."

What he'd noticed was Mario rubbing his forehead, looking annoyed. "I wish I knew what this means," he said, rubbing harder. "I mean, my scar's hurt before, but not like this, on and on, and not this bad!"

"You could go to the nurse," Zelda suggested.

"It's not like that," Mario insisted. "I think..." he thought for a second. "I think it's trying to warn me. I think it means that there's danger coming."

"Relax, man," Link said. "Everything's safe as long as the Master Hand's around, we can't be sure that Wolf knows how to get past Duon. The thing almost killed him the first time, he's not going to try again unless he's sure he can get past him, and Luigi will be a world-championship Smash-Up player before Crazy even considers betraying the Master Hand."

Mario, trying to take comfort in this, leaned back on their tree and tried to relax. He looked up, and saw what looked like Parrakarry swooping around the mansion. Link was right, really. Crazy would sooner die than betray the Master Hand. Telling anybody how to get around Duon would qualify as betrayal. Crazy would sooner die than tell anyone how to get around Duon. But...

Mario suddenly sat bolt upright.

"Oh, no," he said, getting to his feet.

"What is it?" Link asked, reluctantly following the example.

"This is bad," Mario said, hurrying across the grounds. "We need to see Crazy, now."

"What is it?" Zelda asked, repeating Link's question.

"Isn't it convenient? Crazy wants to own a boss as a pet more than anything, and some random stranger just happens to have a Rayquaza egg in his pocket? I can't believe we didn't see it before now!"

"Oh, boy," Link said, quickening his pace.

Crazy was sitting outside his house in a recliner, playing an 11-note melody over and over again on a flute. If you've never seen a giant, disembodied hand relaxing in the sun in a recliner, playing an 11-note melody on a flute, let us tell you: it's a sight to see.

"How you do?" he called out, seeing them approaching. "I hears da exams all finish. Want some Mountain Dew?"

"Sorry, but we're kind of in a hurry," Mario said, though he would normally have liked to accept the hand's offer. "Crazy, we need to know something. That night you won Steve, what did the stranger look like?"

"I not know," Crazy said, not sounding too worried. "He wear a cloak teh whole time." Seeing the looks on their faces, he added, "Dat actually not weird down tere. People like hide da face, it a style."

Mario sat down in a chair next to Crazy. "What did you talk about?" he asked, sounding urgent. "Did you mention the Smash Bros.?"

"Maybes," Crazy said, sounding like he was struggling to remember something. "Actually, yeahs. He wants teh know what I does, so I tells him I da wildlife manajer here, so he ask about what tings Iz look after, I tells him... Boyz, I had too much Mountain Dew dat night... he keeps buy me more, too... Iz mention dat I always want a boss... he mention da egg, offer game for it... but den... but den... he make sure I able to handle it, it be bad teh hand sometin like dat to any random psycho... I tells him about Duon, dat reassure him..."

"Was he interested in Duon?" Mario asked, hoping Crazy didn't notice any strangeness in his voice.

"Who not interested in a giant two-bodied mech? Dose rare, even by Smash Bros. standards! So, I tells him dat teh trick to handle da ting ish to calm him! Dis melody I play here, he loves it! He hears it, he go straight to sleep!"

Crazy suddenly stopped. "I not supposed to tells you dat," he said. "I shouldn't tells you dat- Wait! Where you go?"

Mario, Link, and Zelda had suddenly jumped up and run off towards the mansion. They didn't stop until they were in the entrance room.

"We've got to tell the Master Hand," Mario said. "Zelda's right, we should have done it right from the beginning. They found out how to get past Dedede's defense, and it must have been easy for whoever that was- it was either Wolf or Tabuu- to get Crazy's defense out of him after they got him more insane than usual. We just have to hope that the Master Hand believes us. Dangoro might back us up, if it's necessary."

"Mario," Zelda interrupted, "where's the Master Hand's office?"

They hadn't thought of this. They'd never heard where the Master Hand lived here, nor did they know anyone who'd had to go see him.

Suddenly, a voice echoed across the hall. "What are you doing inside?"

That was Samus. She was just leaving the Dining hall, carrying a pile of papers under one arm. Apparently, she'd just finished with the last Transformation test.

"We need to see the Master Hand!" Zelda said. Mario and Link had to give her credit: neither of them was about to tell her that.

"Why do you need to see him?" Samus asked.

Mario gulped. "It's a bit of a secret," he said. Wrong answer.

"The Master Hand left about half an hour ago," Samus said, sounding a little angry. "He got a letter from the Government of Smashing and immediately started traveling there."

"He's gone?" Mario asked desperately. "Now?"

"The Master Hand is a very great and important smasher, Mario, and has many non-school-related things on his schedule."

"This is important!"

"What do you have to say that you think is more important than the Government of Smashing?"

Mario decided to toss caution away and tell her the truth. "It's about the Hylian Stone!"

Mario didn't know what Samus had been expecting, but whatever it was, it obviously wasn't this. She dropped the papers, and didn't even bother picking them up yet. "Students aren't supposed to-" she started.

"Ms. Aran, someone's going to try and steal it! We need to see the Master Hand!"

Samus collected herself. "He'll be back tomorrow. I don't know how you found out about it, but don't worry. The stone is safe where it is."

With this, she picked up the papers again and headed back upstairs.

"That's settled then," Mario said. "Wolf will be going for the stone tonight. He knows how to get past all the defenses, and now he's even got the Master Hand out of the way. The Government doesn't need the Master Hand, I'll bet that Wolf sent that note."

"Well, what are we going-"

Zelda suddenly stopped, gasping. Mario and Link spun around to see Wolf standing behind them. "Good afternoon," he said, grimacing down at them.**

"We... We were..." Mario stuttered, not sure what to say.

"You need to be more careful," Wolf growled. "You might give the impression that you're up to something. We wouldn't want that, would we? Nintendo can't afford to lose more points than it already has."

The three quickly turned to go outside, but Wolf wasn't finished. "I'm warning you three now: if you are caught out again, I will make sure that you leave this mansion and never come back!" With this, he finally turned and headed to the teacher's lounge.

As soon as they left the mansion, Mario turned to the other two. "Okay," he said. "Here's what we have to do. One of us will have to keep an eye on Wolf, and let us know if he heads to the third floor. I think Zelda should do that."

"What? Why me?" Zelda asked, looking nervous.

"You can pretend to be waiting for Pikachu," Link said. Putting on a horrible impression of Zelda's voice, he said, "Mr. Pikachu! I think I missed something on the boomerang part of the-"

Zelda cut him off, but agreed to watch out for Wolf.

"And Link and I should stay outside Duon's hall ourselves, just in case you miss anything, Zelda."

So they all headed to their positions. Mario and Link, however, had only just arrived at the door outside Duon's hall when Samus came along again. This time, she lost it. "I don't know what you're thinking, but contrary to what you may believe, you are _not _harder to get past than our own defenses!" she shouted. "Enough of this! If I hear about you hanging around here again, I will take another fifty points from Nintendo!"

Not willing to put Nintendo in a position worse than the one they were already in, Mario and Link hurried to their hub. No sooner had Mario said, "Well, at least Zelda's still on Wolf's tail, no pun intended," than the portrait opened up and Zelda ran in.

"I'm sorry!" she said. "Wolf came out and threatened to expel me if I didn't have a good reason to be there, so I gave him the Pikachu excuse, so Wolf went to get him, so I had to get out of there, and I don't know where Wolf went!" Through all this, she hadn't stopped for air once. On finishing, she collapsed into one of the chairs by the fire, gasping for breath.

"Well, that settles it," Mario said, sounding like he was trying to talk himself into something. "I'm going to go down Duon's door and try to get to the Hylian Stone before Wolf can."

"Are you insane?" Link asked.

"You can't!" Zelda objected. "Didn't you hear what Wolf and Samus said? They'll kick you out!"

"WHO CARES?" Mario shouted over them. Seeing them quiet, he lowered his voice. "If Wolf gets the stone, Tabuu will be back. I've heard what it was like when Tabuu was in charge, and I don't want to see that happen in my life. There won't be a Smash Mansion to get kicked out of! Even if he doesn't just destroy it immediately, he'll turn it into a school I'd be _glad _to get kicked out of! Forget points! Tabuu won't look at us and say, 'Oh, they won the Smash Bros. Cup this year, I can't mess with them!' If I get caught, than it's just back to the Smiths', and Tabuu will just have to look a little harder for me! There's nothing to lose at this point, so I'm going through that door, and no one's going to stop me! Not even you guys."

"You're right, Mario," Zelda admitted, sounding reluctant.

"I'll use the blanket. I don't know who sent it to me, but I'm glad I just got it back."

"Okay, but will it cover all three of us?" Link asked.

"What?"

"What, did you think we were gonna let you go it alone?"

"Forget that!" Zelda said, agreeing with Link. "You think you'll get anywhere near that rock without us? Sweet dreams. I just hope there's something useful in my books, I'd better check..."

XXXX

And so it came to be that, after finishing dinner, the three of them hurried back up to the hub and started getting ready for their dive into the unknown. It was the first night that they were glad that the Nintendoes wanted to exclude them from everything: no one bothered the preparation. Zelda, after making a checklist of all of the staff that had put up defenses, so that they'd have a general idea of when they were drawing near the end. After this, she began skimming through her books, hoping to find some useful information. Mario and Link, meanwhile, were both sitting in corners of the room, trying to mentally prepare themselves for the challenges ahead, no easy feat when they didn't know what to prepare themselves for. Eventually, Mario went up to the dorms and came back down with the ocarina that Crazy had given him for Christmas. Working on memory, he started practicing the melody Crazy had been playing, hoping that he'd be able to play it close enough to pacify the giant mech. He thought he was getting pretty good, but Zelda said it was starting to make her feel sleepy, so he eventually stopped.

Bit by bit, the hub emptied as more and more students retired for the night.

Eventually, they turned to see Kirby, Meta Knight, and Teddy head up to their dorm for the night. "Time to get the blanket," Link muttered. Mario ran up to the dorm again, picking up the blanket that he'd gotten for Christmas.

Back in the hub, he said, "We'd better put this on here, and make sure it covers all of us: we don't want Mido to see our feet going around the mansion on their own."

"What happen, zoom? You go out, ding ding?"

They spun around, panicking. With a bit of relief, they saw that it was just Luigi's saturn. Slowly, they turned back towards the portrait, and were about to leave when they heard another voice.

"What are you doing?" They turned to see an armchair turning around. Mario and Link looked to make sure that Zelda hadn't suddenly had a relapse of her old personality, but she was there with them, looking just as confused as they did. Looking back, they saw Luigi sitting in the chair.

"Oh, we're not doing anything, Lu," Mario said, quickly hiding the blanket.

"You're sneaking out again, aren't you?" Luigi said, coming between them and the portrait.

"No, why would you think that?" Zelda said. "Aren't you tired? Why don't you go to bed?"

Mario looked at the clock over the fireplace and winced. They had to hurry: Wolf could be playing his way past Duon as they spoke.

"You can't go out," Luigi insisted. "You'll get caught, and get Nintendo into even more trouble!"

"Luigi, you don't understand, this is important!" Mario objected.

"I won't let you!" Luigi said, getting into the same vague karate stance he'd previously taken against Ganondorf and Wario. "I'll... I'll fight you!"

"Do something!" Mario whispered to Zelda desperately.

"I'm sorry," Zelda said, stepping forward. "I'm so, so sorry. PSI Paralysis!" she said, pointing at Luigi. For a second, there was no obvious change, then Luigi suddenly tumbled over onto the floor.

Zelda ran and turned Luigi over. "What was that?" Mario asked.

"I turned him numb. He can't move," she said. "Ness taught Link and I how to do that for the match, back when we were afraid that Wolf was going to try and kill you during that Smash-Up match. I'm really sorry, Lu."

"We had to do this, Luigi, but we can't explain now," Mario said, heading to the exit.

"We'll explain everything later," Link promised, following the other two.

But leaving Luigi paralyzed on the floor took its toll on their consciences. As they headed down thirty floors to Duon's door, every shadow seemed to be Mido rounding a corner, and any light seemed to be the Boo bursting through a wall.

However, despite all their tension, their luck held, and they were able to get to the door without being intercepted. What jolted them even more was this: the door was open.

"There you are," Mario said. "Wolf beat us here." Turning to them, Mario added, "I won't blame you if you decide to go back here. You could take the blanket, I won't need it after this."

"Forget it," Link said.

"We're with you all the way, Mario," Zelda insisted.

Mario turned back to the door and led them through.

Inside, they noticed a trumpet laying on the ground, looking like it had fallen there.

"Looks like Wolf used one of these," Link said.

"Well, here we go," Mario said, putting the ocarina to his lips and blowing. It sounded only vaguely like the melody they'd heard Crazy blowing out on his flute, but it was enough. The mech suddenly stopped its search for them and looked like it had gone to sleep. Or at least, it looked as much like that as a giant, two-bodied mech can look like that.

"Keep playing," Link said, heading over to the door on the floor. They removed the blanket and left it off to the side. Link, with a certain amount of effort, was able to pull the door open. Looking down, none of them could see anything. "Ladies first!" Link said, motioning for Zelda to go down.

"Forget that!"

Mario, still playing the ocarina, quickly removed one hand to get their attention, then pointed at himself. In the brief departure from the melody, Duon almost woke up again, but after pointing at himself, Mario quickly returned to playing it, and Duon returned to nodding.

"You want to go first?" Link asked, noticing. "Okay, hand the ocarina to Zelda. Someone's got to keep that melody going."

Mario edged over to Zelda, and handed her the ocarina. In the brief moment of silence, Duon stirred again, but he fell back asleep with the return of the melody. Mario leaned over, bracing himself for the drop. Looking quickly up at Link, he said, "If anything happens to me, go right to the aviary and send Parrakarry to the Master Hand."

"Got it," Link said.

"Okay. Hope to see you down there," Mario said, and dropped.

For a few seconds, he was in a state of free-fall, but he quickly felt himself land on something. Feeling it, he realized it was a cushion. Must be there to break the fall. Looking around, he saw nothing but darkness. Looking up, he saw the sole source of light: the light leaking in through the trapdoor. "It's okay!" he called up. "There's a cushion to stop the fall!"

Link quickly followed. He jumped up, turned up, and called out, "Come on, Zelda!"

The music stopped, and there was a noise like Duon was angry that they'd gotten past him, but it was too late: Zelda had jumped down as well.

Looking around, she said, "we must be way down under the mansion.

"Well, we won't get anywhere waiting around here," Link said, heading in a random direction. Or at least, Mario and Zelda thought he was: it was too dark to see. Suddenly, from the direction he'd gone in, they heard a yelp.

"Link?" Mario asked.

"It's got me!"they heard him yell.

"What is it?" Mario asked.

"I can't see it!" Link shouted, panic evident in his voice.

"Oh, forget this!" Zelda shouted, and tossed a sphere of fire into the air, illuminating the scene, and causing Mario and Zelda to withdraw.

All around them were several feet of twisting vines. Looking where they had heard Link from, they saw him caught in one of these vines. The vines were dragging him away from a tunnel (they assumed that this was the way to the stone) and towards the opposite wall. Turning to look there, they saw a gigantic mouth gaping out of it, in the center of a red-with-white-polka dots head. There were no eyes. Link, seeing himself being dragged towards this monstrosity, let out a shout of fear and began struggling to escape from the vines.

Mario suddenly felt something wrap around his legs, and fell to the ground. Looking around, he felt a jolt of horror as he saw that the vines had caught him too. Looking up, he saw Zelda jump back onto the cushion, the furthest from the writhing vines that she could get. "Stop struggling!" she shouted. "This is a giant Piranha Plant! If you struggle, it'll just carry you to the mouth faster!"

"Great, that's awesome to know!" Link shouted.

"Shut up! I'm trying to remember how to stop it!" Muttering to herself, she said, "What did Ms. Daisy say? They like the dark and wet..."

"We need a fire!" Mario shouted, hearing this. He started trying to summon some fire of his own (having discovered pyromancy was, indeed, his own special ability during a recent home room class) but no fire would come.

"There's no wood here!" Zelda shouted, panicking.

"Are you freaking insane?" Link shouted. "You're a smasher, for crying out loud!"

"Oh, right," Zelda said. Pointing her hands at the head of the plant, she shouted, "Din's Fire!"

Fire shot from her hands and collided with the Piranha Plant's head. They thought they could hear a cry of pain, and the vines recoiled, dropping Mario and Link. The three of them shot into the tunnel, away from the plant, and Mario only had time to see a set of stairs off to the side, away from the plant, before Zelda's fire went out and they were left in darkness again, but away from the Piranha Plant. Here, they finally stopped to catch their breath.

"Thanks, Zelda," Mario said. "Good thing you pay attention in plant class."

"And lucky that Mario doesn't lose his head during times like that!" Link said, sounding a little angry. "'There's no wood,' you had to be joking."

"This way," Mario said, preventing a fight by pointing down the tunnel they were in. "I think I can see some light."

As they headed towards the light, the only thing they could hear was their own footsteps. As they were able to see more of the tunnel in the rising light, Mario was vaguely reminded of the third national bank of smashers. Unwanted, Mario remembered the rumors that there were bosses guarding those vaults. If they were to meet one... Even with Duon, they'd had a trick to get past him...

"Can you hear something?" Link suddenly spoke up.

Listening, Mario and Zelda were able to hear something clinking up ahead.

As they reached the end of the tunnel, they suddenly entered a gigantic room, almost the size of the Smash-Up stadium, with a multitude of stone ramps and straightaways curling high above them in the vague shape of an hourglass. Directly across from them, there was a simple wooden door. Like the Smash Mansion itself, the room seemed to come with its own invisible light source. Looking up, they could see several small winged things fluttering around the stone hourglass Smash-Up track.

"What do you think the challenge is here?" Link wondered out loud.

"They'll probably attack us when we cross the room," Mario said. "Well, we won't get anywhere just stalling here."

"No, we won't," Zelda agreed.

"Absolutely not," Link joined in.

"1, 2, 3, not me!" Zelda said quickly. Link was following just behind her. They turned to Mario. "Well, you've got to go, don't you?"

Reluctantly, Mario turned to the door. At first, he took a couple tentative steps forward. Finally resigning himself, he sprinted across the floor, expecting the winged things to come after him any moment. However, he was able to get to the other side unscathed and unchallenged.

Bracing himself, he reached for the knob and turned. The door wouldn't budge.

Looking around, he saw that Link and Zelda had followed him. No matte how hard they tried, the door wouldn't open, even when Zelda tried her door-opening spell.

"Well, what now?" Link asked of nobody in particular.

"Those things up there can't just be for decoration," Mario said, squinting up at them. Looking closer, he suddenly realized what was going on. "They're keys!" he said suddenly. "Keys with wings! And with those ramps..." Looking around, his eyes fell on a kart, sitting alone in a corner. "Yes! We've got to catch the key to the door!"

Looking at the door, Link said, "Okay, we're looking for a silver one, standard head, ringed base."

"How do you know that?" Zelda asked in surprise.

"Spooky, isn't it?" Link said.

It was lucky that Mario was on the Smash-Up team- especially as seeker. It gave him an eye for seeing things that others normally wouldn't. In this case, he could see, among the multitudes of keys soaring above them, a key just like the one that Link had just described. "There it is," he said. "It's wing is bent. I guess Wolf had to go through this one, too." Turning, he went over to the kart that he'd seen. Turning back, he could still see the key, hovering over the hourglass structure. Nervously, he got in. The key was already in place. He turned it.

The noise of the kart starting up echoed and magnified off of the stone walls. The keys panicked, shooting everywhere at random, but Mario only had eyes for the one that would open the door. He shot up the ramps encircling the hourglass, only for it to shoot out over a gigantic gap, with the other keys flying everywhere, obstructing Mario's sight. Shooting after it, he saw that he only had one choice. He brought the kart around, and shot off over the gap. He managed to catch the key in midair. But now he had a problem: he was in a free fall. However, the propulsion from his jump had been enough: he was able to land on one of the lower ramps of the structure without sustaining too much damage. He brought the kart around to shoot down. Briefly looking back, he saw, with a bit of panic, that the keys seemed to realize that the door-opening one had been caught, and were now turning on him. He shot down the ramps as fast as he could. Coming near Zelda and Link, or as close as he dared, he tossed them the key. It was only out of hands for a second or two before Zelda reached up and caught it. The keys were still on him. He turned and shot back towards the hourglass. As he did, Zelda quickly shoved the key into the lock and turned: the door clicked open. She and Link ran through it, leaving it open and standing to the side for Mario. Mario turned the kart back towards them and shot off. The kart passed through the door, and Zelda slammed the door behind it. Mario through all his weight onto the brakes, and the kart came to a quick stop.

"Well," Mario said, getting out, breathing heavily, "that was fun." Turning, he saw that they were in yet another tunnel.

"I wonder what's next," Link said, looking forward nervously.

"One way to find out," Mario said. The three of them headed down the hall.

The next room was just as dark as the Piranha Plant's hall. However, unlike that particular hallway, the room lit up as they entered. Zelda gasped in astonishment.

They were behind the black players of a giant chessboard. The white pieces were on the other side.

"Now what?" Zelda wondered out loud.

"Kind of obvious, isn't it?" Link asked. "We'll have to play across the room." He nodded towards the door that was guarded by the white pieces. Turning towards the knight, who happened to be nearest to them, he said, "Do we have to play with you to get across?" Amazingly, the knight nodded. "Well," he said, apparently thinking something over, "this is gonna suck. It looks like we'll have to take the place of three of the black pieces." A bit more silence rose between them as Link continued thinking the problem over. Mario kept looking nervously over his shoulder: how far had Wolf gotten already? Finally, Link spoke again. "Now, no offense intended, but you two aren't exactly chess wizards..."

"No offense taken," Mario said. "The Smiths didn't let me get into chess."

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do," Link said. "Mario, take the place of this bishop, and Zelda, the same-side rook."

"And you?"

"I'll be the knight on your side of the board."

As he finished speaking, the pieces he'd mentioned left the board, and sat off to the side, watching with quiet interest. Mario, Link, and Zelda nervously took their places.

"Well," Link said, "white always goes first..."

Sure enough, the King's pawn had moved forward two spaces. With this, Link began directing their side, and the game began. Mario and Zelda had to trust their lives to him. Mario was thinking uncomfortably about what would happen if they lost this match when Link directed him a few spaces further into the board.

The first thing that really scared them, however, was the first capture: pawn taking a pawn. The two of them brutally attacked each other, and though it was the black pawn that eventually won out, it still left the three shaken.

"Necessary sacrifice," Link said, looking uncomfortable nonetheless. "Gives us a chance to take their rook..."

Neither side showed any mercy. Link did his best not to put any of the human players into a fight with a white piece: he didn't want to put them in that position. Instead, he directed the other pieces around, and was surprisingly unaffected by not wanting to use a quarter of his pieces. However, it eventually did come to a nasty decision: the white queen was poised to take either Mario or Zelda the next turn, and Link could only save one of them. Noticing this, he formed an attack strategy in his head. But this would definitely suck...

"Okay, we're almost there!" he said bracingly to the other two. "Just a second... almost there..." Eventually, he was able to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do. "It's the only way... I've got to let them take me."

"NO!" both Mario and Zelda shouted at the same time. They didn't notice the danger they were in.

"That's how it works in this game," Link pointed out. "I have a chance of beating that queen, but whether I do or not, Mario can checkmate the king next turn!"

"Link, there has to be-"

"Don't you want to stop Wolf?"

"But-"

"Even if we get another opportunity, we might have lost too much time! We don't even know what's next! We need all the speed we can get!"

Reluctantly, Mario and Zelda admitted that there was no other way. Nervously, Link made his move. He was able to make it in such a way that the whites had no choice but to take him with the queen: he had the king in check. The queen turned on him. He barely had time to take out his sword before she pounced on him. He tried to fight, but it was too late: she bashed him to the floor, unconscious. Looking nervously at him, and fearing the worst, Mario followed Link's plan. Three spaces up and left...

"Checkmate!" he called to the king. The sword that the gigantic statue had been holding dropped to the ground in defeat. The white pieces all backed away from the board, allowing the two remaining players to pass. They wanted to stay behind to check on Link, but they couldn't be sure that the trap wouldn't reset itself in the time it would take, so they had no choice but to continue onward.

"Do you think-" Zelda started.

"He'll be alright," Mario said, hoping he sounded reassuring. "What do you think's next?"

"Well," Zelda said, pulling out her checklist, "we had Daisy's- the Piranha Plant- Pikachu turned the keys into weapons, kind of... Samus made the chess pieces come to life... that leaves Dedede, Mewtwo, Wolf, and the Master Hand..."

Another door appeared. They barely hesitated before pushing it open.

Inside, there was a Snorlax, even larger and more wild-looking than the one that had assaulted them on Halloween. However, this one was slumped against the wall, fast asleep. They walked across the room as quickly and quietly as they could, hoping not to wake the creature.

"I am really happy that we didn't have to fight that one," Mario said, once they found themselves in the next room. "We thought the last one was hard..."

Turning to see the next room, they saw a series of mushrooms and flowers sitting on a table.

"Wolf's, I'm guessing," Mario said. "What's the trap here?"

No sooner had he spoken than two barriers sprang up out of nowhere: there was a blue barrier blocking the way they'd just come, and a yellow barrier blocking the next room.

"What's this?" Zelda asked, noticing a piece of paper on the table. She quickly read through it intently.

"What is it?" Mario asked.

"A list of clues!"*** Zelda said, sounding excited, which confused Mario greatly. "There are four. Wolf's idea must have been to make smashers have to use a part of their brains that they don't usually use: this is a logic puzzle. From what I can tell, three of these are poison mushrooms or flowers, they won't do us any good, two are just standard power-ups, they won't help us here, and the last two will get us through these barriers."

"Which one do we have to use?"

"Just a second."

From here, Zelda immersed herself in her own world. She repeatedly ran through the paper, and ran through the power-ups on the table. She clearly wasn't taking any chances. Finally, she said, "Got it! This mushroom here," here she held up something about as big as her pinky "will get us through the yellow barrier. This one," she added, holding up a flower with a face, "will get us back through to the chess room."

Looking at the power-ups, Mario said, "Only one of us will be able to go to the stone." After a brief moment of silence, he said, "Okay, take the one to go back. No, listen," he added, knowing she was about to argue, "go back and get Link, try and use the kart to get up the stairs near the Piranha Plant, and use the ocarina to get past Duon. Use Parrakarry to contact the Master Hand. I'll only be able to hold off Wolf for so long."

"What if... _he's _with him?"

"I lucked out once," Mario said, eyes flicking up. "Maybe I'll do it again."

For a second, they were both silent. Suddenly, Zelda threw her arms around him.

"Zelda?"

"You're a great smasher, Mario!"

"Well, not as good as you."

"Me? I'm only clever, but you... you're friendship... courage... be careful!"

"You go first," Mario said. "You're absolutely sure about this, right?"

"Yeah," she said. She took a bite from the flower, and turned back to the blue barrier. She looked back once before passing through. And then Mario was on his own.

Mario took the pitifully small mushroom. There was still one more challenge. He swallowed the thing without chewing and advanced on the barrier, bracing himself for whatever was next.

Once in the next room, he saw that there was... nothing. The next room was just a staircase, leading from his door down to the door that he presumed led to the next room. It was brightly lit, and the staircase was even carpeted. However, Mario wasn't an idiot: he looked around the room for the trick before he even went down the first step.

Nothing happened.

Nervously, expecting something to go wrong, he took a few more steps. It wasn't until he was a quarter of the way down that he realized: nothing had happened yet.

Inexplicably, a sense of dread came over Mario. He remembered all the other challenges they'd had to go through to get here. They wouldn't have left this one room unguarded. It was like they were trying to lull him into a false sense of security before they dealt a fatal blow. He almost wanted to turn back. But he couldn't: he'd come this far, and Wolf would be through that door down there. Nervously, keeping his eyes peeled for the trap, he took a few more steps.

Nothing happened. Mario was definitely afraid now: how long were they planning on playing with the intruder before they showed the challenge? He found himself sprinting down the last few steps, taking them three at a time. Suddenly, he found himself face-to-face with the door. Looking back nervously, he saw the room was still unchanged: it was still brightly lit and innocent looking. Mario turned and shot through the door as quickly as he could.****

In the next room, there were two things that Mario immediately noticed. The first was that the only door in this room was the one he'd just come through: this was, indeed, the last. The second was that there was, indeed, someone there already, but it wasn't Wolf _or _Tabuu.

It wasn't even Dedede.

XXXX

*To those of you who didn't know, this is Zelda CDI. Type the name into Youtube, if you dare...

**Every word typed after this is on a new computer (explanation ahead.)

***Again, sorry to those who expected a poem, but I am not good with poetry.

****If you recognize this, you deserve something, if my cat will stay away from the prizes...

Okay, lots of notes. I would have had this up earlier, but the blue-screen-of-deathing on my old computer got so bad that it wouldn't even turn on, so I had to get a new computer. Hopefully, this will work better. Ah, well. At least I had Super Mario Land 3D to tide me over. Okay, please R&R, constructive criticism is great, flames are pointless, Gamer4 out.


	19. The Two-Faced Psychic

Gamer4 in. Well, I can't really say that I have anything _to _say without it being a contradiction, so here we go.

Disclaimer: One upside to this story almost being over is that I won't have to type these things for a bit.

Chapter XIX

The Two-Faced Psychic

It was Mewtwo. He was sitting in front of something Mario couldn't see, wearing, as ever, his baseball cap over his horn-like things.

"What?" Mario asked, not sure who he was asking.

Mewtwo turned and saw him. _Me, _he agreed. _I thought I would see you here tonight. The word on the wind was that you were poking around about the Hylian stone. I didn't need to 'hear' them, even._

"But, I thought Wolf-"

_Wolf? _Mewtwo asked, giving a bit of a laugh. _Yeah, he does seem like the kind of smasher to do it, doesn't he? He's the perfect scapegoat: the one who implicates himself. But, I'm no anthro._

Mario couldn't wrap his head around this one. Wolf, he could believe. Dedede, with a little effort, but _Mewtwo? _He'd barely had any time in this story! "Wolf tried to kill me at that Smash-Up match!" he insisted.

_No, Mario, _I _tried to kill you. Wolf was over on the opposite side of the stands from where Zelda Hyrule was, and she knocked over several pokemon to get to him, including myself. Shame, really, just a few seconds and I'd have beaten out Wolf's attempts to stop my control and had you crashing and burning. _

"Wolf... Wolf was trying to save me?"

_Of course he was. Fortunately, the only thing he knew was that someone was trying to kill you. He didn't know who. Nevertheless, he decided to referee your next Smash-Up match, just to make sure no one pulled anything. He wasn't amused when it turned out he didn't need to bother: the Master Hand turned up, and I couldn't hurt you anyways. Everyone else just assumed he was trying to sabotage the Nintendo team. A waste of time, really. You won't be leaving this dungeon alive. I can't let you live, knowing what you know. I saw you roaming the halls on Halloween. I didn't know you were trying to save Hyrule until later, I thought you might have seen me coming to take a few more looks at the stone's defenses. _

"_You _let in that Snorlax?"

_Yes. I can be persuasive when I want to be. Snorlaxes aren't any specialty of mine, but it was at hand. Unfortunately, Wolf proved a little to perceptive for my liking: he realized it was a trap, and while everyone else headed down to deal with the Snorlax, he went to Duon's hall to head me off. I was lucky that night, in the pokemon that I'd chosen. It turns out that Dedede had captured a wild Snorlax as his defense for the stone, and Wolf assumed that it was he who had let this Snorlax in. I was unable to obtain any more information about the stone, the Snorlax failed to kill you, and Duon even failed to kill Wolf, or even take his leg off properly. But this cloud had a silver lining: no one suspected me, even the Master Hand's thoughts turned to Dedede. I had a scapegoat to lead my other scapegoat of f the trail. Enough explaining, though. Sit there and wait, will you? I need to examine this mirror._

It was only then that Mario recognized the object standing behind Mewtwo: the Sdrawkcab Mirror. He tried to move forward, but found that he couldn't move at all.

_This mirror is the last defense to the stone, the key to finding it. Of course the Master Hand would think of something like this. In a way, the Master Hand himself was the last obstacle, once I'd worked my way around everything else. But he's at the Government of Smashing, he can't do anything to me now. By the time he gets back, I'll be long gone._

Thinking desperately, the only thing Mario could think to do was to keep Mewtwo from focusing too long on the mirror.

"I saw Wolf and Dedede in the forest," he blurted out, not able to think of anything else.

_I'm sure you did, _Mewtwo said, still observing the mirror. _As I said, Wolf only ever suspected Dedede. As if that moronic penguin could ever have gotten this far. But I was able to persuade Dedede to show up in a few opportune places, though he never knew that he was implicating himself in this whole ordeal. He never knew that his little jobs for me were the things that had Wolf on his tail. It took Dedede a while to suspect that I was to blame for his misfortune regarding Wolf, and furthermore, that it was me that Wolf was looking for. But by the time he figured that out, it was too late._

Mario tried to struggle against whatever was keeping him stuck to the ground. He couldn't let Mewtwo get that stone! "But Wolf seemed to hate me so much!" he insisted.

_Well, he does, _Mewtwo agreed. _He hated your father. Their relationship wasn't unlike yours with Bowser Dragmire. But he never wished for your death._

"The other day, I heard Dedede arguing with someone in a room. When he left, he looked terrified. Was that you too?"

_Yes. He was beginning to suspect me. He wanted to back out, and even thought to alert the Master Hand. However, as persuasive as I can be, the dark lord is much more so. _

"He was there with you?" Mario asked, genuinely shocked.

_Indeed, _Mewtwo said. _He's with me wherever I go. It's been that way since the failed National Smasher Bank robbery._ _I first met him during one of my travels. He showed me the truth. There is no good or evil, only power, and those too weak to seek it._

"Where does that leave you?" Mario asked.

_Shut up, I'm monologuing! _Mewtwo shouted. _Now, where was I? Oh, yes. I have served him faithfully for some time now. I have only failed him once: I failed to retrieve the stone. I tried to slow you in Twisted Lane. That's why that chapter was in three parts: I was trying to stop you from getting to the bank. But I failed nonetheless. Tabuu was with me that day, and he decided to stay there since..._

Turning his attention back to the mirror, Mewtwo thought a silent curse. _I don't understand! _He thought frustratedly. _Is the stone inside the mirror?_

Mario was trying to think of a way to get in front of the mirror: he wanted to find the stone more than anything else, so it followed that if he looked in the mirror, he'd see himself finding it, wherever it was hidden. He was just lucky that Mewtwo was focused elsewhere: Mewtwo couldn't read his mind, and the force that was holding him there seemed to weaken slightly. He seized his chance. He tried to edge closer, but tripped and fell. Mewtwo didn't even notice this.

_How does this d*** thing work? _Mewtwo thought frustratedly. _It shows me my desires, but how do I get the stone?_

Mario, who was trying to struggle to his feet, half paralyzed, became paralyzed all over agin, this time with fear, when he heard a voice answer.

"The boy can get it..."

That voice sent chills through Mario. He involuntarily shuddered.

Mewtwo spun around to face Mario. _Indeed, _he said. _Get over here._

Mario suddenly found that he could move again. Mario returned to his feet. _Look in the mirror, _Mewtwo commanded.

Mario obliged, desperately hoping that Mewtwo was too distracted, frustrated, or too _anything _to read his thoughts. He was desperately trying to think of a way to successfully lie about what he was seeing. He looked in.

For a second, he saw only his own reflection. There was no immediate change, he couldn't even see his family. But then, all fear dropped from the reflection's face. He grinned at the real Mario, reached into a pocket on its overalls, and pulled out a golden stone. On it was engraved a symbol of some sort: it resembled something like three triangles standing on top of one another, or a big triangle with a smaller, upside down triangle in the center. Reflection-Mario spun around, threw out a peace sign with the hand that wasn't holding the stone, with a triumphant nod, and put the stone in his pocket. This done, he pulled out a plate of spaghetti.

As Mario watched his reflection put the stone in his pocket, he felt some sort of rock appear in his own pocket. Lord knows how it had happened, or what would happen if someone without pockets was trying the same thing, but somehow, _he had the stone! _

His luck held: Mewtwo was too impatient and eager to bother reading his mind. _What did you see? _he pressed.

Hoping to all gods in all the religions he knew of, and inventing a couple more just to have more to pray to, Mario hoped that Mewtwo stayed too distracted to read his mind and detect the lie: "I'm shaking hands with the Master Hand, I put Nintendo in the lead for the Smash Bros. Cup."

Suddenly, that voice spoke again. "He's lying!"

_How can you tell? _

"Shaking hands with a giant hand? What could possibly go awry? He's BS-ing us!"

_Tell the truth! _Mewtwo demanded, rounding back on Mario. _What did you see? _

The voice: "Let me speak with him... face-to-face."

Mario felt like he was being rewrapped in the Pirahna Plant's vines and tendrils. Mewtwo looked up at his baseball cap, which lifted from his head and dropped on the ground next to him. This done, he turned to the mirror.

Mario would have screamed, but even his voice was too scared to work. He couldn't comprehend the true form of the face on the back of Mewtwo's head. It was under his horns, just behind the area previously covered by the cap. It seemed to be made of light, and it kept shifting. The forehead jutted out over seemingly nonexistent eyes. Aside from the forehead, the faces features shifted every couple seconds, seemingly unwilling to take any single form. It's mouth moved.

"Mario Mario," it said. "The bastard who lived."

Mario felt like he was paralyzed yet again. "T... Tabuu..."

"Yes," the face groaned. "This is what I have become. Nothing more than a parasite, reduced to living on other's souls. Mewtwo was kind enough to allow me a temporary home on his body. It is only with the blood of Rapidashes that I am even able to sustain this shadow of a form. But once I have the Hylian Stone, I'll be able to bring myself back to full power. Do you know the full power of the thing? I suppose not. Otherwise you wouldn't be trying to sneak it away in your pocket. Too bad Mewtwo's not a little more focused right now."

Mario's stomach disappeared. How long had he known? Mario tried to run, but only made a stumbling motion backwards.

"Don't be a fool," Tabuu said. "You don't want to meet the same end as your parents. They died begging me for mercy."

Suddenly, all of Mario's fear vanished, replaced by a burning rage. "YOU LIAR!" he shouted.

Mewtwo was floating gently backwards, allowing Tabuu to continue his conversation.

"Bravery," Tabuu said, smiling cruelly. "Your parents had it too. Do you know what the Hylian Stone is? Under the appropriate ceremony, it will grant the wishes of its user. With that, you would be able to see your parents again."

Mario found himself losing all his anger. He gazed into the mirror over Mewtwo's shoulders. He once again saw his parents, Sarah and Jake. Was it true? Could the Hylian Stone grant that wish?

"I offer you this chance," Tabuu said. "No one has to die. With that rock, we can bring them back. Join me, and we'll do things that will bend the very universe! All your wishes can be true! All you have to do is give me that stone!"

Mario was still looking at the mirror. He noticed that Sarah and Jake were wearing looks that very clearly said, _no. _He looked from the mirror to Tabuu, who was still smiling, and to his pocket, where he still had the stone tucked away. Even if Tabuu was telling the truth, his parents wouldn't want to be brought back like that. And definitely not at the expense of Tabuu getting his hands on the stone. He looked back up. "You've died once."

"Yes..."

"Encore!" Mario turned and attempted to run to the nothing room. Too late. Before he could react, Mario was knocked to the ground. He turned and saw Mewtwo approaching. The M on his forehead seemed to open up, just as it had in the Lost Woods. Before Mario could do anything, Mewtwo raised his hand, and what appeared to be a sphere of darkness began to gather.

Unable to think of anything else to do, Mario jumped up and seized Mewtwo's arm by the wrist.

Inexplicably, Mewtwo withdrew, his thoughts screaming. _AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! _Both he and Mario were looking in amazement at Mewtwo's wrist: it was burning. No fire, but the skin was turning red, and it was clearly causing Mewtwo pain.

_Tabuu! _Mewtwo thought desperately, _I can't touch him!_

"Kill him!"

Mewtwo attempted the same darkness-sphere thing, but was cut off when Mario jumped and grabbed Mewtwo by both of his horn-like things. Mewtwo's screaming thoughts increased in power: Mario could almost hear them for real. Mewtwo withdrew, his horns burning and beginning to blister. Mario put two and two together: this was the only way to stop Mewtwo. He jumped up and grabbed Mewtwo by the arm with one hand, and on his face with the other. Mewtwo's thought-screams continued, and he began doing everything he could to throw Mario off, leading to Mario grabbing onto his arm with the other hand too. The pain in Mario's head was building, until he was blind from it. Mewtwo's screams had crossed the line: he was screaming with his actual voice as well now. Mario felt Mewtwo's screams ringing in both his ears and mind, and the screams of Tabuu to kill him. Suddenly, another voice came in, one that he thought he should recognize, but couldn't, and it was likely just pain-induced anyways. "Mario!" it shouted, "Can you hear me? Mario? MAAARIOOOO!"

Mario couldn't hold on anymore. He was flung off and onto the ground, where he fell unconscious.

_XXXX_

Please R&R, constructive criticism is appreciated, flames accomplish nothing, Gamer4 out.


	20. All's Well that Ends Well Almost

Gamer4 in. As some of you may have guessed, this is the final chapter. Let us now approach the true end.

Disclaimer: Last chapter... Last chapter...

Chapter XX

All's Well that Ends Well... Almost

Mario couldn't see. He wasn't sure what this was all about, until he realized: his eyes were closed. He opened them. He was still having a rough time actually seeing anything. There was something white flickering in front of his eyes, but that was about it. He blinked, trying to focus, and he saw a giant, disembodied hand inside a glove. "Finally awake, I see," it said. The words _hand, glove, _and _right _swam around inside Mario's head, trying to find something to connect to. Suddenly, it snapped into place.

"Master Hand!" he said, sitting bolt upright. "The stone! Mewtwo has it, not Wolf or Dedede, we have to-"

"Relax," the Master Hand said reassuringly. "You've been out a while, don't worry too much. Neither Mewtwo, Dedede, or Wolf has the stone."

"Then who _does _have it? I don't under-"

"Relax," the Master Hand repeated. "If you don't calm, the nurse will throw me out for disturbing her patient."

Mario looked around. Of course, he was in the hospital wing. He was lying on an immensely comfortable bed, and looking to the side, it looked more like a candy store than a hospital wing. "What's-"

"Those are from your friends and your admirers," Master Hand explained. "Your little chat with Mewtwo is a complete secret. Naturally, the whole school knew the story within a few hours of it first leaking out. I believe it was Kirby and Meta Knight who were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. To my understanding, they said something about a brick joke, but the nurse confiscated it: it was too unhygienic."

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days, I believe. Link Faron and Zelda Hyrule will be relieved: neither have left your side."

"They're okay?"

"They're fine. Just fine."

"But what about the stone?"

"I see I cannot distract you. Don't worry: Mewtwo didn't get it from you. I arrived just in time to stop him, though your part in that can't be brushed aside either: had you not interfered, I don't doubt that Mewtwo would have eventually broken through my defense and- what do they say nowadays- gotten away scott-free."

"You got Zelda's message?"

"She didn't have the time to send it. I was only halfway to the government when I realized the trick. Mewtwo did a good job of covering his trail and pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, but he did make some mistakes that only occurred to me as I was heading there. I arrived just in time to stop him altogether."

"It was you?"

"Indeed. I was afraid I was too late."

"You almost were, he almost had the stone from me."

"Forget the stone, I was worried about you. I was afraid that Mewtwo had killed you, or else the effort involved in keeping him away from the stone had done it. The stone itself has been destroyed."

"Destroyed?" Mario asked, nonplused. "What about Dampe Kakariko?"

"So you know about Dampe?" Master Hand asked, sounding impressed. "You did this thing right indeed. Well, Dampe and I had a talk, and we both agreed that there shouldn't have to be so much fear and suffering over such a small thing. He destroyed it with his own hands."

"Without it, won't he die?"

"He foolishly wished for immortality, once he realized what he had, and has, to my knowledge, regretted it ever since. With the stone gone, and its power no longer influencing him, then yes, he will die. The wish will go away relatively slowly: he'll have enough time to tie up all his loose ends before his story is completed." Noticing the look on Mario's face, he added, "I'm sure it seems strange to you, but for him, he's finally going to bed after a very long and eventful day. He decided, that as long as he was parting with the world, he would take that evil thing with him."

For a moment, there was silence. Finally, Mario collected his courage and said, "There are some things I need to know, if you'll tell me, things I need to know the truth about."

"The truth?" the Master Hand asked. "Ah, yes, the truth. It is both wonderful and terrible. I will, however, answer your questions, since that's the best I can give you as a reward for your work, as long as I have no good reason not to. However, I promise I won't lie."

"Thanks... Tabuu said that my parents died trying to defend me. Why did he want me dead to begin with?"

The Master Hand gave a great sigh. "Bad luck!" he said. "The first question you ask me is one that I cannot yet answer. For the moment, put it from your mind. You'll be much happier that way, believe you me. I know you don't want to hear it, but I will tell you when you are ready to hear it. I promise to let you know when that time comes."

Knowing that there was no good in pressing that issue, Mario moved on. "Why couldn't Mewtwo touch me?"

"A complicated answer. In the most basic form: your parents died for you. Though Tabuu can normally comprehend good all too well, he has even less comprehension of love than you had of his face on the back of Mewtwo's. That your parents loved you enough to die to defend you would have protected you from anything, even if Tabuu had used a nuke on your house. With time, I'm afraid that the shield will have weakened somewhat, but it still seems to be there: no one sharing a soul with Tabuu, corrupted with hatred and greed would be able to lay a finger on someone touched with such good."

Mario was grateful that the Master Hand pretended to become interested in a nonexistent bird on the windowsill then: it gave him time to dry his eyes. On regaining his voice, he said, "Do you know who gave me the invisibility blanket?"

"Ah, I do indeed. I was borrowing it from one Jake Mario at his time of death. It was an old family heirloom, but he was lending it to me for a brief time. Given that it was an old family heirloom, I thought you would like it in turn. It is very useful: Jake used it for the same thing that you've been using it for: sneaking around and poking where he didn't belong. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree..."

"Okay... Anyways, Mewtwo told me that Wolf-"

"Mr. Wolf?"

"Yeah, whatever, Mewtwo told me that he hates me because he and my dad were like me and Bowser when they were in school. Is that true?"

"Mewtwo spoke many lies and deceptions, but it seems that he was capable of the truth: they did dislike each other, to an extreme level. Just when it seemed like their rivalry couldn't get any worse, Jake did something Wolf has never forgiven, and likely never will."

"What did he do?" Mario wondered, thinking what horrible thing his father could possibly have done.

"He saved Wolf's life."

"He what?"

"Yes, you heard that right. Strange thing: Wolf couldn't bear the thought that he owed Jake a favor. I believe that his work to protect you this year came from a desire to fulfill that debt."

"Okay... Well, there's one more thing: how did I get the stone?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked that!" the Master Hand said cheerily. "I placed the stone in a place known as hammerspace, a place where things could only be retrieved from under special circumstances. Not unlike the hammers used at the National Bank of Smashers: only goombas can pull them from hammerspace. In this case, the only way to get the stone from hammerspace was to envision in the mirror one's reflection retrieving the stone. By the mirror's rules, anyone whose desire was get their wishes fulfilled would only see those wishes getting fulfilled by the stone, rather than actually retrieving it. Therefore, only someone who wanted the stone alone could get it. A defense that I can look back on proudly in my later years. The plan Dampe and I had was that only he would be able to retrieve it, since he no longer has any desire in regards to the stone aside from a desire to hold his prize creation again. However, there are countermeasures against hammerspace defenses, and the only thing stopping Mewtwo from undoing it was his lack of knowledge of hammerspace defenses."

"Enough of that, though! You have a lot of candy to get through: I'd suggest getting started." The hand turned towards it, and saw the every-flavor star bits. "Ah, these things," he said. "I was unlucky enough to come across one whose taste is too disgusting to even mention again. Can't say I've had any particular desire for them since. A honey-flavored one would be on the safe side, though." He pulled out a golden-looking one, shrugged, and ate it. Yes, this was all in hand form. Suddenly, the hand gave a spasm. "As beautiful as it might look, gold doesn't taste good at all," he added to Mario by way of explanation.

XXXX

It was a little later that, after a lot of begging and negotiating, the nurse allowed Link and Zelda in to see him.

"Mario!" Zelda said, seeing him awake. "We thought you would- and the Master Hand was worried, when _he's _worried, that's bad, and-"

"Give the guy some air!" Link interjected. Turning to Mario, he said, "The whole school's been talking about it. I told you it would blow over eventually- though I didn't imagine it like this exactly. But forget that! What really happened?"

I assume you've heard that the truth is stranger than fiction. While this doesn't tend to be true, there are a couple of occasions where it is. If a blue moon happens on Friday the thirteenth, and all the planets are aligned, and a red cap-wearing pyromancer-in-training battles a two-faced psychic pokemon, the truth actually is stranger than the rumors about it. Mario told them everything, even filling in the challenges after the chess game for Link's benefit.

"So the stone's gone?" Link asked, sounding amazed. "Dampe's going to die?"

"I wondered that too," Mario said. "But that's what it sounds like. What happened to you guys?"

"I got Link out past Duon with the ocarina, it took Link a couple minutes to come around, and we were just about to head to the aviary to send Parrakarry to the Master Hand when he shot up the stairs, in hand form, said, 'Mario's after the stone, isn't he?' and shot off past Duon."

"Do you think it was all on purpose?" Link wondered out loud. "I mean, he sent you the blanket, let you get those Smash-Up skills..."

"If he was doing that intentionally-" Zelda said, suddenly shouting, "if he wanted us to- Mario could have died- what kind of sadistic-"

"He is kind of weird," Mario said thoughtfully, "but I think he wanted to give us a chance. I think... I think he kind of knows about anything that happens here. He knew we were going to try eventually, but instead of slowing us down, he tried to teach us enough to help. There had to be some reason that the Sdrawkcab Mirror wasn't in the hiding place on that one particular week. I think he might have even thought that I had the right to go up against Tabuu if I could."

"He's almost as insane as the Crazy Hand," Link said, sounding impressed. "But forget that! You've got to be at the end-of-the-year feast tomorrow. I guess we can't really expect the Smash Bros. Cup this year. We couldn't get any points back from Smash-Up even, Nintendo had to forfeit because you were unconscious. Sierra won, in fact, but still..."

"I don't even care," Mario said, helping himself to another of his candies. "It looks like things will be back to normal around here next year, or as normal as it gets."

Suddenly, he heard a voice echoing through the room. Looking around, he couldn't see anyone speaking. It said, "_Wanna bet_?"

"Did you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what?" Link asked.

"Never mind, never mind."

XXXX

That, however, wasn't the end to the visitors. For a second, a couple hours after Link and Zelda had left, Mario thought that the Master Hand had returned, until he noticed that this hand was left. "Oh, hi Crazy!" he said, looking at him.

Crazy sidled over, sat down, looking much more sane than usual, and suddenly burst into the closest thing to tears one could get from a hand. "It all my fault!" he sobbed. "Iz teh wurst disembodied limb evers! I tells da guy how to get by Duon! It da only ting stop him, n' I tellz him! I never take Mountain Dew agains!"

"Calm down!" Mario said. "This is Tabuu we're talking about, even if you hadn't told him, he'd have found out somehow."

"You could have died! No say name!"

"TABUU!" Mario shouted. Crazy was so shocked that he stopped crying. "I met him, and I'm not afraid of the name. Come on, Crazy, the stone's gone, and Tabuu is stuck in limbo. Here, have some star bits."

Crazy gave a small laugh. "Dat remind me!" he said suddenly. "Iz gets someting for youz."

"What is it?" Mario said, a little nervous.

"Da Matter Hand gives me da time to makes it," Crazy said, taking something out of his glove. It was a book. Mario opened it. It was full of smasher-pictures of his parents.

"Iz go after deir old buddies. Didn't tink you has any."

Mario couldn't speak, but he didn't need to. Crazy gave another small laugh. "Listens," he said. "Youz gotta be worry about teh Smiths, right? Don't. It not forever! I first drops you off at dat place, I worried about what dey do to you. Master Hand tells me, 'Crazy-' he always call me Crazy- "Crazy,' he say, 'it not good-bye forever. You sees him again before you knows it.' And we did. Here you is, and here I is."

XXXX

By the time Mario finally made it to the dining hall, everyone else was already there. The Sierra symbol was everywhere, celebrating their victory. Again.

It was very clear that everyone noticed his entrance, but they pretended not to. Mario snuck over as quietly as possible to Link and Zelda. Apparently, Luigi had forgiven them, for which Mario was glad, because he was talking with them as animatedly as ever.

He'd only been seated for a couple minutes before the Master Hand stood up at his podium at the head of the hall. "This year is gone!" he announced. "What a year indeed. However, before we sink our teeth into this feast, there are some changes I must announce. First off, I regret to announce that our psychic powers teacher, Mewtwo, will not be with us next year. We must find someone to take his place."

"Also, our Protection from the Evils teacher, King Dedede, has resigned. What did he say... 'This school is almost as insane as that snorlax.' That said, we are also without a teacher there. Two teachers gone! This will be a busy summer."

"Now, of course, the moment you want to hear about. Here are the standings for the points: in fourth place, we have Nintendo with two hundred points. Hal is next, with two hundred fifty. Retro has three hundred, and Sierra is in the lead with three hundred sixty."

Here, there was a great amount of cheering from the Sierra side of the room.

"Yes, yes, congratulations," the Master Hand said. "However, we have certain recent events to take into account! We have some last-minute points to award. Let's see...

"First, we have Link Faron." Looking over, Mario could see Link turning red. "For the most epic game of chess with the highest stakes we've seen here for a long time, have fifty points."

Through the Nintendos' ensuing cheers, Rob could be heard telling anyone who'd listen, "That's my brother! He got past Samus's chess set!"

Eventually, there was silence. "Second," the Master Hand continued, "Zelda Hyrule! For your use of logic, even when others were in grave danger, have another fifty points."

Zelda's reaction was hidden behind her hands. Nintendo cheers rose up again. They were higher than fourth, at least.

"Yet again, to Mario Mario, for his nerve, courage, and devotion to what he knows to be right, I award sixty points."

Mario almost went deaf: anyone who could add up in their head could tell that they were now tied with Sierra.

"And finally," the Master Hand said, calling out over everybody, "it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but even more to face our demons and stand up to our friends. Therefore, I award ten points... to Luigi Luigi!"

The Master Hand might as well have detonated a nuclear bomb: it would have made only a little less noise than the reaction throughout the hall. Luigi, looking shocked, was pulled under pile of admirers. It was only at this moment that Mario realized that this was the first time he'd heard Luigi's last name. That was an odd coincidence...

But he didn't care. He was too busy looking over at the horrified expression on Bowser's face: he looked like he'd been hit with Psi Paralysis. Even Retro and Hal were cheering: they'd wanted Sierra to fall just as much as Nintendo.

"Now, what this means, if I'm not mistaken, is that we need a change in decoration!" the Master Hand called out over everyone. He waved himself, and the mountain with the horizontal triangles was replaced by a roaring lion. Wolf was shaking Samus's hand, with a smile that looked like it was being dragged out of him by an insane Snorlax. Samus herself had forgotten her dignity: one might accidentally mistake her for one of her students.

It was the best thing Mario had ever been through: better than beating that Snorlax, or Smash-Up, or his first real Christmas. He'd never forget this night.

XXXX

What this all added up to was what was almost a complete happy ending. The next day, the test results all came out, and Mario and Link were surprised to discover that they'd passed with flying colors. Zelda, of course, had gotten straight As. Even Luigi was celebrating with them all. His general good marks made up for his horrible Power-ups one. Especially in Phys Ed, which he'd actually excelled in after the disastrous first class. They'd hoped that Wario, at least, would get kicked out, but he'd scraped by as well. It was a shame, but it wasn't Wario that was the _almost. _

The _almost _was something that Mario had been dreading for a while, but he was now free to think about: returning to the Smiths. He didn't expect this summer to be any better than the previous one. If anything, he expected to be worse. Nonetheless, he did all he could to enjoy the last hours at the Smash Bros. that he had.

However, the next thing he knew, all his stuff was packed up, along with everyone else's, Luigi found his saturn hiding in one of the bathrooms, and the students all got notes warning them not to do anything abnormal outside of school, (Kirby and Meta Knight mysteriously lost theirs, and assured Mario that they'd do their best to remember,) Crazy took the noobs back across the lake, and then they were flying back to Seatac airport in the Great Fox. Mario, Link, Zelda, Kirby, and Meta all spent their last few hours playing extreme poker. At one point, Kirby and Meta pulled Mario off to the side and whispered something in his ear. Mario gave a smile before they returned to the extreme poker match.

Finally, they arrived at Platform Q. It took a while to get back to the main airport. There were a couple of guards by the way back making sure that there weren't too many smashers heading out at once, and that all the non-human ones were in disguise first.

"You gotta come over to my place this summer," Link insisted. "Both of you. I'll get a message to you. You can't spend all summer with those Smiths."

"I'll need something to look forward to, alright," Mario agreed.

As they were heading out, Mario could hear one or two people calling out, "See you, Mario!"

"Bye, Mario!"

"I'd say that your unpopularity has blown over," Link said, smiling. "Your as famous as ever!"

"Not where I'm going," Mario assured him.

They passed through the water park advertisement together.

"There he is, there he is!"

That was Peach Faron, Link's sister. But it wasn't Link she was referring to.

"It's Mario Mario! I can see-"

"Enough, it's rude to point, Peach!"

Mrs. Faron smiled down at them.

"Had a busy year?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing special," Mario said, keeping a straight face somehow. "Thanks for the fudge and the sweater."

"Oh, it wasn't any trouble."

"I'm guessing you're ready?"

Mario turned at the voice. Sure enough, it was John Smith. He looked furious at Mario, who was daring to carry an albatross in the middle of a normal airport. Kate and Bill were lingering back.

"You must be Mario's family!" Mrs. Faron said, turning to them.

"As close as he's got," John said. "Hurry up, we don't have all day!" he shouted at Mario.

Mario hung back a bit for a last chat with Link and Zelda.

"See you later then," Link said.

"Hope you have a good summer..." Zelda said, looking uncertainly at the Smiths.

"Oh, I will!" Mario said. "It's something Kirby and Meta said to me: I know I can't, you know we can't, and the rest of the Smash Bros. know we can't, but the Smiths don't know that we aren't allowed to do anything abnormal out of school. It'll be a fun summer..."

_XXXX_

And, as we all knew it would, this is the end. Thank you for reviewing. I know I say it a lot, but I mean it: thank you. You helped this story grow from a random Mountain-Dew-induced whim into a successful story. Thanks for sticking to the end.

Now, I've noticed that some of you have been saying that yes, there should be a sequel. And here's the decision: (drumroll please)... There isn't one. The Writing Gamers Association hasn't decided whether or not to do a sequel yet. We're having some trouble with our new computer, (and yes, my cat is still the only other member,) so by the time you read this, we probably will have decided. Just be aware that even if a sequel does come along, there might be a bit of a break between now and then. I need a bit of a break from fanfiction, if only for a bit.

Anyways, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever else you celebrate. You know what? Just... happy holidays. And if you have an issue with that, you'll get no sympathy from me. Until later, please R&R, constructive criticism is awesome, flames will accomplish nothing, Gamer4 out.


	21. Reader Alert: To Avoid Confusion

Gamer4 in. Okay, I'm sure I know what you're thinking: _Why is there another update here? The story is done, isn't it? _Well, yes it is. This is just a quick notice that I felt the need to hand out to those of you who have been following the stories for a while. If you haven't read the story yet, don't mind this: disregard it entirely.

For those of you that have read any of it before, I just wanted to let you know, real quick: a few changes are going to be made to the story over the next couple of days. Nothing major, no plot changes or anything like that, just a couple minor changes here and there. Why? You see, even though I'm not sure about going further than the first book, or even about a sequel, I like writing the story as if I am going to go through the whole series, just in case I do decide to go further. Looking back on the story, though, I'm seeing a couple of chronological errors here and there (for example, the Master and Crazy hands being half-brothers through most of the story, but cousins in the first chapters,) as well as a few spelling or description errors. (Thank you, partial color-blindness.) There are also some characters that I now feel could have been better represented. Why am I letting you know this when it doesn't really have any effect on you whatsoever? Nothing, really, I just didn't want anyone potentially re-reading the story and getting confused. (What? Since when was_ that_ guy taking Charlie's place? What's going on here?) Again, no real effect on anything, I just thought you'd want to know.

I don't really know how to finish these things off. I'll probably take this down after the changes are made. Again, I just wanted to let you know, to avoid confusion. No real need to R&R this time, it's not like it was a story segment or anything, Gamer4 out.


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